We were created for relationships. We are relational beings. We were created for fellowship and intimacy with each other and with our God…

Then the LORD God said,

“It is not good for the man to be alone…”

Genesis 2:18

Then sin entered the picture…

They heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day,

and the man and his wife hid themselves

from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 

Then the LORD God called to the man,

and said to him, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3:8-9

Sin came and made a separation in the One relationship that was designed to meet our every need for intimacy because He is the core of our desire to even be intimate. Deep down we are trying to meet a need for intimacy with each other that can only be met through intimacy with our Creator God… the Lover of our soul, the Creator of our soul, the only One who can truly see our hearts.

 …for God sees not as man sees,

for man looks at the outward appearance,

but the LORD looks at the heart. 

1 Samuel 16:7

Day Twenty

Today let us get focused on seeking intimacy from the One whose relationship matters most…

In her book Shannon Ethridge shares, In our quest for relational intimacy, remember there is Someone we can whisper our heart’s desires to and get our boosts from who isn’t going to jeopardize our integrity but will strengthen it.

If you are thinking, no way will talking to God ever excite me like talking to a man, then you haven’t allowed yourself to be courted by our Creator. The same God whose words possessed the power to form the entire universe longs to whisper into your hungry heart words that have the power to thrill you, heal you, and draw you into a deeper love relationship than you ever imagined possible.

A guy may tell you that you look fine, but God’s says,

Then the King will desire your beauty…

Psalm 45:11

A man may tell you, “Of course I love you,” but God’s says,

…“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.

Jeremiah 31:3

Even your husband may tell you “I’m committed to you until death,” but God says,

…for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU,

NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,”

Hebrews 13:5

Make time to retreat to a quiet place with the Lover of your soul. Speak whatever is on your heart, and then listen as God speaks straight from His heart directly to yours. 

Jesus came to bridge that relational divide that occurred that day in the garden. He came to restore us to fellowship with our Creator and God. Remember precious one, the veil was torn, the dividing wall has been torn down, you can go boldly into His throne of grace…

Remember that you are accepted in Christ, you are secure in Christ, and you are significant in Christ… God so desired to be in a relationship with you… He so desired that you know Him as He knows you…

that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive,

because it does not see Him or know Him,

but you know Him because He abides with you

and will be in you.

John 14:17

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but if anyone loves God,

he is known by Him.

1 Corinthians 8:3 

that He came all the way from glory to rescue you…

Trust me, Lady Gaga knows nothing about being on the edge of glory… but Jesus does… He willingly jumped off the edge of glory to rescue you because He wants you to see His glory and to share in it with Him…

The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

 “O righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.”

~ Jesus (John 17:22-26)

Today you challenge is to listen to Jesus. Today is the day to seek that quiet place and retreat with the Lover of your soul… don’t put Him off. This is how much He loves you…

And sweet sister know…

that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory,

may give to you a spirit of wisdom

and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. 

Ephesians 1:17

Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart… He will!

Yesterday we talked about the danger of flirting and how “just talking” is dangerous. Today I am going to share some of the communication boundaries that Shannon recommends

Day Nineteen

While many women flirt with men intentionally others don’t realize that their amorous comments are inappropriate. We hear this kind of language so often in the media that flirting can be a natural or automatic response. Some women are too naive to recognize the impact that their words and mannerisms have on the opposite sex. Other women are well aware, but are so hungry for affirmation that they continue to jeopardize their integrity in order to fish for compliments anyway.

Remember ladies, we will give an account for every word… we must always ask our self what is my motive in saying what I am saying… my real motive.

While kind words and compliments can be appropriate, we must be honest about our motives and recognize when they border on becoming manipulative or flirtatious. Even when we learn to discern whether we are flirting or not, there are other forms of communication that can also lead to sexual and emotional compromise.

We are going to look at some boundaries now. This first set of boundaries is huge!! If you don’t put any other boundary to action please put this one…

Complaining About The Complaining

Ladies, please do not complain about your husband to another man.

I won’t go so far as to say that women never have a right to complain about their husbands, but such behavior with someone of the opposite sex can backfire in a hurry.

Shannon shares about woman named Beth whose husband was emotionally and verbally abusive to her. He complained about everything she did and she was hurt by him. So she complained about him one day to a male co-worker… who also chose to complain about his complaining wife to her. This continued and developed into an affair. The complaining did neither one of them any good and it did nothing to heal their marriage or bring them closer to their spouse.

In hindsight, Beth realizes that two wrongs certainly didn’t make a right. While her husband had no right to treat her so poorly, she only made the situation worse by complaining to another man about her husband.

If you are experiencing an issue in your marriage and you need to talk about it, this is where the godly female friendships are so very needed. You need godly friendships with women who will teach you how to love your husband. Who will help you get a right perspective on the situation instead of just looking at it through the eyes of your hurt and disappointment.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior,

not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine,

teaching what is good, 

so that they may encourage the young women

to love their husbands, to love their children,  

Titus 2:3-4 

When Not To Help

Women can be far to nurturing in situations, even when red flags begin to surface we often think, But he needs me… I’m just trying to be a friend… How can I possibly not help? That would not be very Christlike!

I had a mentor warn me of this as she shared with me about ministering. She worked in the office at our church and a man came in needing financial help. As he shared his story, she was listening intently and with compassion, and he then did something that sent a red flag up in her spirit. She realized that he was being insincere and was trying to draw her into an uncomfortable situation and was taking advantage of her compassion and attention.

You need ladies like this in your life to teach these things to you… as women in our desire to help we can miss the red flags. (We will talk about this more next week as we discuss accountability partners)

Stick To Business At Hand

It has been said that men use conversation as a means of communicating information, but women use conversation as a means of bonding… And yes, the more we communicate with a person, the more we bond. So we would do well to take a lesson from the men in this area and learn to stick to business a little better. We can learn to communicate with men in friendly, but to-the-point ways, that will not jeopardize our emotional integrity.

Voice to voice:

*set a timer when communicating with a male co-worker or business venture… allot time for how much the business will take and the timer will go off to help you not move from business to personal conversation when the business talk is over

*use the speakerphone and pretend you are also on a speakerphone

*screen calls if you are receiving calls from a co-worker that is “pushing-it” or that you are tempted by and don’t answer until you are collected and able to stand

*avoid late night conversations with any male who is not your husband (whether single or married)

 Face to face:

*when in a conversation alone with a person of the opposite sex that is not your spouse, stick to the business at hand. Keep you motives in check and guard the conversation. Make sure you don’t have a hidden agenda in the conversation. Do not use him as a sounding board and do not try and test his personal resolve, and do not use him to get your own ego stroked

*if a man tries to act flirtatious with you and draw you into a flirtatious conversation… find a distraction and get out of that conversation altogether. You can do this politely without causing any weirdness… and when you do not feed the conversation with flirting in return, the attempts at flirtatious conversations usually will stop coming from this person.

*when a male coworker or friend shows up unexpected and you are home alone have a go-to-girl, someone who you can call to “show up” as well, so that you will not be alone. If a friend is not available… keep the man out side the home if possible, and keep the conversation minimal and quick.

*at work, if in a meeting alone with someone with the opposite sex, keep the door propped open, one supervisor Shannon knows had a glass door installed in her office so that at all times someone could see what was going on so there would never be a question about what was going on behind closed doors… (is this a step you could take?)

*try never to be alone in the car with someone of the opposite sex… it might be better to turn down that business trip rather than put yourself in that position and jeopardize your marriage and integrity

Computer-to-computer:

*I realize that we all must email and receive emails from people of the opposite sex, but once again keep it quick and to the point and only business, as women we tend use to many words in the email… making it sometimes a little too personal…

*if a man from your past, a previous relationship, attempts to contact you… you do not have to respond, and if you do keep it short, and let them know not to contact you again, especially if you got “excited” when you saw the message

*avoid personal email accounts that your spouse doesn’t have a password too, you should be able to keep each other accountable, simply by knowing that your spouse could be logged on at any time.

*if a man tries to invade your personal space through instant messaging and chat… once again you do not have to respond. (another boundary my husband and I put in place is no “friending” of past relationships, leave the past in the past)

*this goes for texting as well. Keep it short and to the point. If it is someone you know is pushing the boundaries with you, the great thing about texting is that you don’t have to respond.

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Okay so there were come some recommended boundaries… as you read did see any you had already implemented in your life and marriage? Did you see some that might be a good idea to implement from now on.

My husband and I have always used one big boundary. When we got married we put one big rule in place: “Don’t Put Yourself In The Situation”. This one rule has been a guard and a guide through our past almost thirteen years of marriage (it’s  almost fifteen now :-)… and it works. 

You can’t make a wrong choice and a false rumor cannot get started if you are not in the situation for it to happen.

Another gage I personally use is, “Is this something I would want my husband reading, seeing, saying, doing, with or about another woman?” If I would get ticked off or be hurt by this word or action in reverse then it means I don’t do it and I don’t say it.

Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

Luke 6:31

It’s as simple as that.

Let the Word of God speak…

Ladies… those that are still with me… you have made it past the halfway point in the challenge. I do hope that the past seventeen days have been a time of quiet reflection and heart examination and most importantly a time of weeding out deception.

My sister in Christ, I hope you understand how I desire to see you walk in victory. How I desire that you know who you are in Him. How I desire that you know that He can indeed meet your every need. How I desire that you live a life worthy of your calling. How I desire to see the glorious name of Christ magnified through you as you live a life that testifies of His grace and mercy and love and power over the evil one and even over your own heart…

Let us put to death the deeds of the flesh and let us live and walk by the Spirit of our God.

DAY EIGHTEEN 

Today we are going to begin talking about the power of our words…

What is a four-letter word for a woman’s favorite foreplay activity?

T-A-L-K!

Think about it. What affair has ever taken place without intimate words exchanged? Women often tell me, “I’ve not been unfaithful to my husband. All this man and I have done is talk.”

~ Shannon Ethridge

Ladies, have you heard that one as well?

Have you used that one as well?

Or maybe as a single woman you used this referring to someone else’s husband… with your back straight and your head high maybe you’ve said, “Well I can’t believe his wife is so jealous, I mean good grief, we are just friends, all we have ever done is talk!”

Or as a single girl to a single guy friend you have no intentions of pursuing romantically, “I don’t know why he thought I was in to him, all I ever did was talk with him”

Let me ask you… as you talked, what did you talk about? How did you smile? What was your body language like? Where did your hands go while you talked? The longer you talked how deep into their eyes did you look? What would you have done, how would you have felt if their spouse, or your spouse, walked in at that exact moment?

As you asked yourself these questions did you start making excuses?

You can betray with words long before you betray with your body. Be very careful. There is a very thin line between being “a cut-up” and “flirting”. Make sure you do not cross it…

Men and women are different. You may not be doing or saying anything that you wouldn’t do or say if it was another female you were talking to… but this is not another female. This is a male. So be careful. If you are paying attention you will know the moment that you or they have crossed the line.

We must remember what we have already learned… an affair begins long before sexual intercourse ever takes place. It begins in your mind and in your heart. Your words prove it. Then your body acts on it.

For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.

The good man brings out of his good treasure what is good;

and the evil man brings out of his evil treasure what is evil.  

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak,

they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment.

For by your words you will be justified,

and by your words you will be condemned.”

Matthew 12:34-37

Regardless of her marital status, should a woman stir up a man (emotionally or physically) when she has no intention of pursuing a relationship with him? Is it loving to tease someone with your attentions and affections if you have no desire to fulfill any hopes you may arouse? In my opinion, showing a sincere love and respect for others allows no room for flirting or teasing. 

In my opinion, it is never appropriate for a married woman to behave amorously with anyone other than her husband. If we go back to one of our definitions of a woman of integrity, you’ll remember that she lives a life that lines up with her lips, and vice versa. If we are going to be loyal to our marriage partner, we must demonstrate our faithfulness not just in our actions, but also in our communication with other people. 

Even if you do not have serious intent when you begin batting compliments or overly friendly exchanges with a man, the excitement of those ego strokes can pull you down the road toward sexual compromise, usually slowly, but sometimes at lightning speed.

But immorality or any impurity or greed

must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;

 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting,

which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

 Ephesians 5:3-4

Married ladies here’s the trap I think we fall into, our home becomes the place of business and then the office, the school, the ball field, and yes even the church… becomes the playground.

At home you and your spouse discuss the business at hand. What bills need paid, what appointments need met, what chores need done, who needs ran where at what time, etc. Then you go on and take care of business, possibly never even touching each other or even looking each other in the eyes.

But at work, school, church, wherever… it doesn’t matter… there is that person that smiles at you. There is that person who compliments you. There is that person that notices your hard work. There is that person that light-heartedly makes all the comments and winks at you as they say them. They actually look at you when they talk to you. They noticed your new hair-do. They noticed that shirt brought out your eyes. They never once mentioned something you forgot, something you broke, or something you didn’t do just right. So you are giddy… and Satan is getting you ready.

Ladies, let me ask you, when was the last time you “noticed” your husband? When was the last time you complimented him? When was the last time you used your words to just “play” with him? When was the last time you “flirted” with your man?

Today’s challenge, I want you to focus on flipping the playground, if just by chance you are caught in the mundane marriage trap. It most certainly does not have to be that way. Your home can be the playground. It should be the playground.

You know that shirt that is in the closet that you realized is little too low cut to wear out… well, wear it at home for your husband. Make a point to lean into him so that he notices… but not so much to be obvious (don’t act like you don’t how to do this 😉

Make sure you touch him when he walks by you… if you haven’t done this in a while… he is already going to be wondering what is going on. You can just start out with a touch on his arm or placing your hand on his hip as you pass each other in the bathroom or kitchen. You can start out slow and start seducing your husband… He will LOVE it and so will you.

Do not get discouraged if he doesn’t respond for a while, just keep it up. Don’t expect him to do the same to you… this isn’t about you. This is about you honoring your God, and honoring your marriage and honoring your husband and giving any attention that you have been giving away to others back to him.

If you have been just business and routine at home for a while… this is going to blow his mind.

Start flirting with your husband. Make a point to look in his eyes and give him “that look”. My husband knows my looks… he can see my heart through my eyes. I bet yours can too, even if he hasn’t looked in a while. It just might be because he didn’t see himself there anymore.

Make little sexual innuendoes towards him. Ladies, here is the fun of marriage! Your home is where the playground should be.

I remember watching a comedian once, I don’t remember who he was, I am sure he wasn’t a Christian comedian… because it was before I was walking with the Lord… but he was sharing about being out on the road as his comedian act demanded… and of course any man on a “stage” has women after him. He shared how some woman came up to him to seduce him to have sex with her and she said something like “I will do things for you your wife would never do…” He said he just laughed at her and said “You don’t know my wife!”  

You see ladies, that’s the way I want my husband to be able to respond to any seductress! Yes, I want him to honor our marriage out of His obedience and love for God, but I also want him to just flat out enjoy me. So often as Christian women we are uncomfortable with sex because the world has done a mighty fine job of distorting it and making it look “dirty” but sex in the confines of marriage between man and wife is not dirty at all, it is holy.

So let us use our words to flirt and tease with the one that we can actually follow through with our bodies and maintain our emotional and sexual integrity.

Honey, are you willing to become “undignified” and throw all caution to the wind in order to blow your husband’s mind?

Okay ladies, I hope you took the time yesterday to truly examine your heart and your relationships. I hope that the questions helped you to do that… now for any of you who in this process of examination realized that they were indeed too emotionally connected to someone who was not their husband, or was someone else’s husband (even if you have not let that person know about your feelings, however if you have let them know and they reciprocate those feelings, then you are involved in an emotional affair), or if you have allowed someone to get emotionally connected to you, just to feed your ego, when you have no intentions of ever reciprocating these emotions… then today we will discuss what to do now.

Day Seventeen

What to do if you have realized that you have crossed the line of emotional integrity:

First, ask God for forgiveness. An emotional affair may not be as big a deal as a physical affair in the world’s eyes, but all sin is equal in God’s eyes. As you are praying for forgiveness, also ask God to reveal whether you should confess your sin to your spouse. As terrifying as this thought may be, don’t let fear convince you that keeping it secret is the best thing for your marriage.

 If we confess our sins,

He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins

and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

1 John 1:9

Next, pray for God’s divine protection, not just over your body, but over your heart, mind, and mouth as well. …but make sure this [other] person doesn’t become the focus of your prayers.

O LORD, I call upon You; hasten to me!
Give ear to my voice when I call to You!
May my prayer be counted as incense before You;
The lifting up of my hands as the evening offering.
Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Do not incline my heart to any evil thing,
To practice deeds of wickedness
With men who do iniquity;
And do not let me eat of their delicacies.

Psalm 141:1-4

Third, avoid any unnecessary contact with this person.  In the same way that you might have gone out of your way to cross this person’s path, now go out of your way to stay out of his path… Remember actions speak louder than words. When you refuse to remain in the presence of temptation, it loses its hold on you.

 Rise up! Consecrate the people and say,

‘Consecrate yourselves for tomorrow,

for thus the LORD, the God of Israel, has said,

 “There are things under the ban in your midst, O Israel.

You cannot stand before your enemies

until you have removed the things under the ban from your midst.”

 Joshua 7:13

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But put on the Lord Jesus Christ,

and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.

Romans 13:14

Finally, seek a trusted friend or counselor to hold you accountable through this season of temptation. If you know you are going to have to answer to someone else- whether it is your husband, a friend, or a counselor- about your thoughts, words, and actions, you’ll try harder to limit them to things you wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit. Getting real and honest with yourself and with someone who can keep you from falling into the pit of compromise is the best lifeline available.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another,

and pray for one another so that you may be healed.

The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

James 5:16

My experience has been that if you starve your desire to be emotionally intimate with a man, it eventually dies. The more you control your appetite for forbidden fruit, the more dignity and satisfaction you will feel about yourself and your ability to be a woman of sexual and emotional integrity.

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Let us remember that emotional arousal and attachment is the red light.

Now I want to address those who might have already ran the red light. I want to address those who are in an emotional affair and might even be so far as to be addicted to emotional affairs. I understand that if you are here most likely it is because you have chosen to use these emotions as some kind of balm for your pain. Maybe you are married to an abusive husband, whether that abuse is emotional, verbal, or physical, and you have used this emotional affair as an escape from your reality. Please know that this is not going to get you any where. It is only going to cause you greater hurt in the end. 

Shannon shares that rather than running to the Ultimate Healer for relief from our emotional wounds, women often make idols of relationships- worshiping a man instead of God. We begin submitting to a man’s and our own unholy desires rather than submitting to God’s desires for our holiness and purity, thus becoming a slave to our passions. When we peel back the layers of this issue, we can see the core problem: doubt that God can truly satisfy our innermost needs.   

I’ve known many women who have journeyed to this depth of desperation, hoping to find something to fill the void in their hearts, only to discover that the pit was far deeper, darker, and more lonely than they could have imagined. I’m one of those women, but after many years of focusing my attentions and affections on my first love (Jesus Christ) and my second love (my husband), my life is a testimony to God’s changing grace. In His lavish love, God’s arm of mercy reaches further than we could ever fall. 

Ladies, let me assure you that God’s way is the best way. Do not let the enemy or the world or the greatness of your pain lead you down the path of destruction. There is grace and mercy and hope in Christ. Do not doubt the grace of God. Do not doubt His ability to meet your every need, to meet you where you are at. Do not doubt His ability to heal your heart and to heal your marriage. Don’t run to band-aids and ointments that only treat the symptoms and mask the cause. Get to the heart of the matter, go for the root, and trust God. 

Now if you are still doubting that God can meet your needs… Shannon has a challenge for you. So here’s your challenge for today… some more questions to ponder: 

*Have I really invested much time getting to know God personally and intimately?

*Do I read the Bible searching for clues as to God’s character and plan for my life?

*Have I given God as many chances as I have given other men? fantasy? Internet chat room?

*Have I ever made the choice to pray or to dance to worship music or to go for a walk with God instead of picking up the phone to call a guy when I’m lonely?

*Are there moments spent alone (masturbating, fantasizing, reading or looking at inappropriate materials, and so on) that I ignore God’s presence in an attempt to satisfy myself?

*Do I believe God can satisfy every single need I have?

*Am I willing to test this belief by letting go of all things, people, and thoughts that I use to medicate my pain, fear, loneliness, and becoming totally dependent upon God?

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[If during the course of this challenge you have realized that you have ran past the red light of emotional attachment and affairs and realize that you are in fact addicted to emotional connections and romantic affairs having realized as you examined your life and actions that you were no longer concerned about who got hurt, but was only concerned about having your own hurts covered and eased, then please seek help at www.everywomansbattle.com. Your addiction is real. You are caught in the cycle of seeking relief for your pain in a way that causes more pain thus leading you to seek relief from that pain causing more pain… etc. You don’t have to suffer in silence.]  

Obviously your heart needs to be a primary concern if you hope to be a woman of sexual and emotional integrity. It’s one thing to determine how far is too far physically in a premarital or extramarital relationship, but it’s another to answer how far is too far emotionally. What are the emotional boundaries?

~Shannon Ethridge

Okay ladies, today we are going to learn some tools to stand against the enemy and to guard our hearts. The best tools are knowledge and love. Love without knowledge is foolishness and knowledge without love is dangerous. We need both at the same time.

but grow in the grace and knowledge

of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 3:18

Because lawlessness is increased,

 most people’s love will grow cold.

Matthew 24:12

As the knowledge of the true Word of God slips away out of our society we see society’s love grow cold. When the Word of God is not renewing our own mind… we will find our love growing cold. Real love, sacrificial love, obedient love… will grow cold apart from the Word of God. As lawlessness increases in our day we see our society remove itself farther and farther away from the truth of the Word.

If you take a moment to think about a time that you chose to allow a certain sin in your life, a time of lawlessness, what was your love like? Was it sacrificial or selfish? Was it on fire for God or going through the motions? Did you hunger for the Word or did you not want It near you? 

We must never stop growing in the grace and knowledge of our God because the moment we do our love begins to cool and it won’t be long before we are chilled to the bone.   

but speaking the truth in love,

we are to grow up in all aspects into Him

who is the head, even Christ,

Ephesians 4:15

I used to have my list of sins that a “real” Christian could never commit, if they were indeed a “real” Christian. However, as I have grown in the grace and knowledge and love of God in my own life I have learned that a Christian is not an exception to humanity.

Our condemnation just falls harder from the enemy because we “are supposed to know better”. But the truth is sometimes we just don’t know enough. Granted most of the time it’s because we simply have not taken the time to know more. We have become easily satisfied with whatever the preacher delivers us on Sunday mornings instead of feeding ourselves daily.

Daniel was the man in Scripture who was called a man of high esteem, he had uncompromising integrity. Do you think that just might be because he prayed to our God three times a day? Morning, noon, and night he called on the Lord… let us be willing to give our God the same… to seek Him… to be in constant fellowship with Him. He is only a prayer away.

I hope that these past fifteen days have been a time of growth for you and also a time of amazing fellowship with your Creator as you have focused on getting the “other” things out of the way to make more room for Him in your heart.

Day Sixteen

I want to be a woman of sexual and emotional integrity. I lived a life so far from God and His Word and I blasphemed His name among the lost because I still called myself a Christian as I lived a life that in no way represented who I claimed to be. I thank God that He is aware that I am but dust. He saw my ignorance and passed over my sin and chose even still to forgive me and to give me life.

Today I am going to share the tools with you that Shannon share’s in her book to help us walk in sexual and emotional integrity. Because the last thing I want to do is blaspheme His name among the lost again. The enemy of our souls knows how to bring us down and he knows the power of emotional manipulation and sexual temptation. Don’t think he won’t use it against us. Don’t think that he will not take the bond that is formed by believers in the unity of the Holy Spirit and try to pervert it.

Shannon share five stages of emotional connection and has them marked with a green light, a yellow light, and a red light to let us know when all is good, when we need to be careful, and when we need to stop and back the truck up.

Emotional connections:

(1) attention

(2) attraction

(3) affection

(4) arousal and attachment

(5) affairs and addiction

Attention, this is based on what we see, whereas attraction is based on what we hear.

That’s why you may see someone, they have caught your attention and you may think, “hmmmmm” but then they open their mouth and you think “ughhhh, ewwwww”.

Or you see someone and go “ughhhh, ewwwww” and then they open their mouth and you go “ohhhhhhh”.

Now in attraction you become familiar enough with the person to know you are drawn to him, but you are not yet familiar enough to act affectionately toward that person.

Both attention and attraction are not limited to men but include a wide variety of things: the kind of clothes we like, the style of house we prefer, and the type of food we crave.

When you go to church or business meetings, you probably are drawn to certain individuals but not to others. The woman who became your friend is probably someone you run to when you need a hug or have really good news to share.

Society has twisted our minds into thinking that if we are drawn to someone, we must want to have sex with them. But attraction isn’t necessarily sexual. 

(Personally I believe this lie and twisting of attention and attraction and affection is one of the tools that the enemy has used to convince many that they must be homosexual or bisexual to feel the way they do. We will discuss this in more depth later in the challenge)

When we find ourselves attracted to someone we then begin to move into showing that person affection. Here is where the green light goes to yellow. Here is where you, married or single, have to pay close attention to your motives and your actions. We show affection in many ways and to many individuals. We not only show our husband affection, but we also show our children affection through cards, hugs, helps, words, etc. We also show our friends affection in similar ways and we can safely do this with our male friends also if we watch our motives.

Married women, here are some questions you need to prayerfully ask yourself before you show any type of affection to a man who is not your husband. 

* What is my motive for making this expression of affection? Is it appropriate? 

* Am I trying to show genuine appreciation for this individual, or do I have a hidden agenda?

* Am I using affection to draw this person into a deeper relationship?

* Could this expression be misinterpreted in such a way that this man would be confused, tempted, or suspicious of my motives?

*Is this expression of affection one that I wouldn’t mind my spouse knowing about?

Single women, here are some for you:

*Is this person unattached? Does this person have a “significant other” in his life who would be concerned with how I express affection toward him?

*Is my expression of affection in line with the current level of my relationship with this person?

*Do I sense that this man has personal feelings for me that I do not reciprocate? If so, would signs of affection give him the impression that I am interested in more than friendship when, in fact, I am not?

*Could this expression of affection be interpreted as seductive, or does it truly express godly character?

Now we are getting into the red light district, Emotional Arousal and Attachment. Now if you are a single woman then this is still in the yellow light for you, that is if the man is also single, but if you are married and you are at emotional arousal and attachment with a man that is not your husband, RED LIGHT!

Emotional arousal occurs when we are stirred romantically by someone, and it usually precedes most sexual activity because our heart determines the direction of our mind and body.  

How can you tell the difference between attraction or affection and emotional arousal and attachment toward a man? Here are some questions to ask…

* Do you think of this man often (several times each day) even though he is not around?

* Do you select your daily attire based on whether you will see this person?

* Do you go out of your way to run into him, hoping he will notice you?

*Do you look for excuses to call him so you can hear his voice?

* Do you find reasons to email him, eagerly anticipating his response?

* Do you wonder is he feels any attraction towards you?

* Do you want to talk or spend time alone with this person, out of earshot or eyesight of anyone else?

Your challenge today is to spend time examining your heart and your friendships, especially those with the opposite sex. Ask yourself these questions and see where you are at in your emotional and sexual integrity. Tomorrow we will look at what to do if you have found yourself caught up in an emotional affair or have even progressed into an addiction…

Precious one, there is forgiveness and there is hope.