Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I know of myself, restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat, hungry for colors, for flowers, for the voices of birds, thirsty for words of kindness, for neighborliness, trembling with anger at despotisms and petty humiliation, caught up in expectation of great events, powerlessly grieving for friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint, and ready to lay farewell to it all?
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others, and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army, fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.
– Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The last line got me. “Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.” This last line sums it all up. Bonhoeffer penned these words just a month before he was executed in one of Hitler’s death camps. A man who stood so strong in his faith that he, being safe in the United States, chose to instead return to Germany, had these questions and this struggle within himself.

Bonhoeffer wrote, “I have had time to think and to pray about my situation, and that of my nation, and to have God’s will for me clarified. I have come to the conclusion I have made a mistake in coming to America. I shall have no right to participate in the reconstruction of the Christian life in Germany after the war if I did not share in the trials of this time with my people. Christians in Germany face the terrible alternative of willing the defeat of their nation in order that civilization may survive, or willing the victory of their nation and thereby destroying civilization. I know which of these alternatives I must choose. But I cannot make that choice in security.”

He returned to Germany, and not only did he continue to preach truth, but he worked with others to smuggle Jews to safety. For this he was arrested, imprisoned, and executed. While in prison he wrote “Who Am I”

I read these words from Dietrich Bonhoeffner this past Friday. Having asked these very same questions of God, and of myself, as I pondered the future, the state of our nation and the American church, my purpose in it, and seeking His will. Then having him, Bonhoeffner, come to the very same conclusion as I did, that all I know for sure is that I am His and no matter what I cannot help but be His. Be still my heart. This indeed was a touch from my Jesus to encourage me to press on. 

Then come Saturday morning as I reviewed my lesson for Sunday School the Lord encouraged my heart with this word from Esther…

And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14

The Creator God formed me in my mothers womb (Psalm 139:13) and He specifically chose me, and you beloved, for this appointed time and this appointed place (Act 17:26). He called me to Himself for Himself at the very time that He desired me to come, and come to Him I did (Revelation 22:17). I fought against Him and His call and struggled between He and the world for more years than I wish I had, yet when He said to my heart, I AM, I could not struggle anymore. I could only surrender, and surrender I did, and I have not turned from Him ever again.

I am currently reading a book by Os Guinness entitled, The Call: Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life. I picked this book up to read, being drawn to it, because of where I am in my life. Having had the rug snatched from underneath my feet so many times in the past few years, doubts of identity and purpose surely come. Knowing the call that you were so very sure that the Lord placed in your heart, yet being unable to step into it when you think you see the open door… is disappointing to say the least. 

As I struggled in my heart with these holy delays our Pastor shared the testimony of Dr. Billie Franks this past Sunday. He shared how Dr.  Franks had written a discipleship curriculum that he knew was from the Lord, yet year after year the doors were closed to him. Now forty years later, the Lord has opened wide the door. He also shared of a missionary couple who left the mission field having seen no fruit of their labor. They died thinking they had failed. When in fact not long after their death, their work for the Lord exploded and is still bearing fruit to this day. I took a deep breath of relief as I felt the Holy Spirit whisper in my heart, “See.”

Then the very next morning as I picked up the word of God to read in John 18 – 19. It was here that I read these words from Christ Himself…

For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world–to bear witness to the truth.

John 18:37

I heard the Spirit whisper to my heart again, “A slave is not greater than his master is he? If this was His purpose, then do you not know that it is also yours?“

Perhaps you are in the same place as I am. Perhaps you too are wondering if you are walking in your purpose. Beloved, I pray that the Word of God will minister to you today. I pray that we together, would remember that God determined that we would be here today, in this moment of time, to bear witness to the truth.

We bear witness to the truth through our obedience to the truth. We bear witness to the truth through our steadfast loyalty to our God while still unconditionally loving people, all people, no matter the consequence to our own lives. We are to bear witness to  the truth in our own hearts and minds, in our homes, in our jobs and schools, in our church, our community and wherever else we might go. God determined that your soul would live in this day at this time for His glory and His Kingdom. Whether you are kissing a skinned knee, forgiving a spouse, preaching a sermon, or delivering an inaugural speech.

God determined you for this day. He determined you for this day of political upheaval, racial divide, gender confusion, priority misplacing, family destruction, entitlement seeking, and false teaching believing. God did not appoint you for the “good ole days” He appointed you for today. Today beloved, today. He determined and appointed you to bear witness to His truth for this day and these people.

And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14

This week in my community it has been graduation season. My social media news feed has been filled with milestones. There have been preschool graduations, kindergarten graduations, elementary school completions, intermediate school completions, jr high completions, and high school graduations. I love seeing the posts of excited moms and dads boasting in the accomplishments of their children.

When I was growing up I don’t remember all these graduations. I think we just celebrated high school. Today it seems that social media has opened the door for us to celebrate every momentous parental accomplish we feel we have seen. All these graduations and completions I believe can be used to help us set up our children stepping stones to get them through life. Which personally I think is pretty great.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, And He delights in his way.

Psalm 37:23

Perhaps it is better that we train our children to focus on reaching just that next step instead of just pointing out to this imagined beyond that may or may not be there for them. After all didn’t Jesus teach us to pray, “Give me this day my daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). I think focusing on the current step and not looking too far past the next step helps us to be present in the moment. Too often we have our minds set on the fulfilled accomplishment of the future plan and we miss the preciousness of the current moment which very well could cause us to miss the very next step and the plan all together. The moments matter.

The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps

Proverbs 16:9

This week I took my middle child to college to take a compass test for dual enrollment and my youngest will be in 7th grade next year. As parents, we have been standing on the steps still with our children. We have gone with them each and every step.

My husband and I have prayed with them and talked with them and studied them and sought the guidance of the Lord for each and every step. We have five more steps until we send them out to steps of their own. Five more steps to make sure they are fully prepared.

The naive believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps. 

Proverbs 14:15

As their parents our job has been to train them to consider their own steps as diligently as we have considered them as we lead them from one to the other. For many years we never even asked their thoughts on the next step. It was our step to make. It was our job to seek the Lord and be careful to obey Him as He pointed the way. It was our job to teach them by example as we taught them through our own obedience to the directed steps of God.

I know, O Lord, that a man’s way is not in himself,
Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps.

Jeremiah 10:23

Then at some point and time we began to kneel down to them and point out the different paths and ask, which step does the Lord say we should we take? We had trained them. We had walked with them. They were no longer naive. Yet, they still needed us by their side to walk with them on the way to make sure they did not stray.

They needed to learn for themselves how the Lord makes clear the next step if we are willing to be still and wait and listen to obey. Yet they still needed to know that we were there to say, yes I agree, I believe that’s the next step! When it’s the Lord next step for you it is sure and stable even if it has you standing in the midst of a storm.

You enlarge my steps under me, and my feet have not slipped.

Psalm 18:36

The Lord’s next step will never cause you to stray from the path of His commands. Never.

Our heart has not turned back, and our steps have not deviated from Your way…

Psalm 44:8

That doesn’t mean that the next step will be easy or problem free. It just means that you will have peace. Peace is something that you cannot have unless you are good with God. You can be at odds with man and the whole world, but if you know that you are standing on the step that God provided for you, then you can indeed stand with the gospel of peace on your feet. If we have prepared our children and pointed them in the right direction then we do not send them out to step alone…

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps…

1 Peter 2:21

If we have been following in His steps, then we have been teaching them to follow in them as well. We have five more steps and then we send them off to follow Him… trusting God and trusting them.

Indeed, He loves the people;
All Your holy ones are in Your hand,
And they followed in Your steps;
Everyone receives of Your words.

Deuteronomy 33:3

For now we still we walk with them closely, but soon they will begin to take steps that we cannot go on with them. For they are His steps for them alone.

We have already watched one step out on her own. We held our breathe as we saw her stray from His path… but we trusted the God who loved her even more than we could imagine, that He would only allow her to stray so far.  He proved faithful. The Word of God poured into her heart in her youth did not return void. 

When we stand there on that last step and let go to let them step on their own. We don’t send them out alone. The steps are theirs alone, but God never leaves them to step alone. The great joy and promise that we have as we wave them off and cheer them on is that the steps, though different, if they are following Him, all lead us back to the same place. They lead us all home to Him!

*******

*******

*******

I first wrote this post, Life’s Battle Plan, in May of 2008 in my Facebook notes before I had a website. This post showed up in my Timehop app memories. I found it interesting that it did, because I had just been to hear, Keni Thomas, one of the soldiers that was involved in the Battle of Mogadisho (or more known as  “Black Hawk Down”) speak only a few short days before. Keni came to share some things he had learned from training for this battle, things he learned in this battle, and things he learned after this battle. His focus for the group he was speaking to was to train to be prepared for when you were handed the baton of leadership, that really was in your hand all along, because we are all leading someone.

I was trying to take notes in my phone as he spoke. One of the first notes I wrote was “train as you fight, because you will fight as you train”. When I skimmed my post from 2008, I saw that I had written those exact words as I studied from the Word of God in 2 Chronicles as I learned from Jehosaphat. Another note I had taken from Keni’s sharing was the three steps for battle: Plan, Train, Lead. Once again I noticed that back in 2008 from 2 Chronicles 20, the Lord had taught me that very same strategy. I called it, “Life’s Battle Plan” . The word of God remains eternally relevant.

My now edited 2008 post begins below:

David stood before Goliath, his enemy. David stood against the man standing before him in representation of everything that stood against the LORD, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. David stood before Goliath in no authority or power of his own, but instead he stood in representation of his God. He stood before Goliath in complete faith and confidence in the ability of the One True Living God. David stood in faith and God delivered as promised.

We all face Goliath. Satan hasn’t given up yet. Our flesh has not been glorified yet. We all face our giants and enemies. If we try to defeat them in our own strength we will be crushed. However, if we stand in faith and in full confidence in the ability of the One True Living God, we will see deliverance. 

One of the first truths the Lord led me to as I studied David facing Goliath, was the need to first recognize the enemy. So many times we are in a spiritual battle and we don’t know it. We blame other people. We blame our circumstances. We camp out on bitterness and grudges and pity parties. We hate people, including ourselves and we feel caught in a downward out of control spiral.

We feel the whole world is against us and no one understands. So we go into isolation mode and put on a fake smile and struggle through another day. Never accomplishing the amazing things God had planned for us, because we are to busy fighting the wrong enemy.

John 8:44 tells us that the devil is a murderer from the beginning and a liar. He is the father of lies. Ephesians 6:12 tells us that we battle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces. 1 Peter 5:8 tell us that the devil is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.

If you have ever watched Animal Planet or the Discovery channel you know that a lion lays in wait stalking out the herd looking for the weakest, the youngest, the hurt, the easy prey. Satan is the same way. The next time you are in your worship service imagine Satan and his demons in a corner of the church/synagogue slouched down scoping the crowd looking for his kill.

Would you be an easy target?

Are you trained for battle?

This is next or really first. Training for battle. You have to learn how to use you weapons. Read Psalm 18:30, John 8:32, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 2 Corinthians 2:16, 1 Peter 1:13-16. You fight only as hard as you train.

The Word of God is your ultimate weapon. Mark 4:24 says “by your standard of measure it will be measured to you.” In other words, you’re only going to get out of the Word what you put into the Word. You can’t fight with weapons you don’t know you have or know how to use. You can’t recognize a lie when you have never read the truth.

When it comes time for battle the first thing you do is pray. Seek His face. Seek His help. God took me to 2 Chronicles 20. I believe it is an amazing example of the truths in this battle plan.

In 2 Chronicles  20 we read of how a great multitude came against Israel. It was actually three nations against one. “Jehosaphat [the king of Israel] was afraid and turned his attention to seek the LORD“(2 Chronicles 20:3). The first thing Jehosaphat did to prepare was pray. Prayer is our direct line to the throne of God. Read 2 Chronicles 20:3-4, Psalm 27:7-10, Acts 16:25, and Ephesians 6:17-18. Prayer is one of your weapons of warfare, use it.

In 2 Chronicles 20 the next thing we see is Jehosaphat and all the people of Israel bowed down and worshiping the LORD. They had not went to battle yet. They had not yet received a victory or deliverance, but they worshiped. We must worship our God because He is God.

Worship is a weapon of warfare. Our God will not allow His worship to be given to another. He is always worthy of our worship, whether He delivers us or not. Remember Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Remember Job as he cried out in Job 13:15, though He slay me, yet will I praise Him.

Read 2 Chronicles 20:18, Psalm 29:2, Hebrews 12:2, 28-29, and Revelation 5:6-14. Our enemy hates it when we continue to worship the One True Living God. Can you just see Satan losing his mind, kind of like the Grinch, when the Who’s sang the song even though he’d taken everything they had?

After the worship we see Israel praise. The Levites stood up and praised God with a loud voice! Oh Praise Him! Praise His Holy Name. God still had not delivered them yet. The battle was still ahead. The enemy was still coming, but they praised the LORD their GOD! Read 2 Chronicles 20:21-22, Psalm 34:1, and Acts 16:25.

After Israel prayed, worshiped, and praised, they stepped out in faith and headed out to face the multitude that had came out against them. God had promised that He would deliver them (2 Chronicles 20:15-17), so they took Him at His word and went to battle. We have to take God at His word and trust Him. He is faithful. We must have faith in Him and in His ability and in His word. Read 2 Chronicles 20:24, Psalm 31:23-24, 1 Corinthians 16:13, and Hebrews 11:6.

Do you know what the awesome thing is? God said that He would fight for them. He said that He would go before them. He said that He was with them. And while Israel was worshiping and praising their faithful God, He turned their enemies against each other. When Israel showed up to fight there was nothing but corpses on the ground. While they were on their face before their Holy God, He was fighting for them!

This One True Living God, the God of Israel, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob wants to be your God. He made the way for “whosoever will ” through the new covenant of Jesus Christ. Jew, Gentile, slave, free, male, female, He wants to fight for you! Read Psalm 27:1-6 and Psalm 111.

YES! READ! READ! READ!

Read of the amazing things He has done. The awesome promises He has given you. Learn who you are in Him and in His mighty power. Learn who He is. He is a mighty and awesome God and holy is His Name. He is Jehovah-jirah, the LORD our Provider and Jehovah-nissi, the LORD our Banner. He is El Shaddai, the God Almighty!

So here is our life’s battle plan:

• Recognize the enemy
• Train for battle
• Pray
• Worship
• Praise
  
• Go in faith

Keni Thomas had broken down the battle plan into three steps:

• Plan
• Train
• Lead

Those three steps say it all.

There was another profound point that Keni made as he shared. He made the statement, “the enemy always gets a vote.” Think about that one for a bit. When we plan and when we train, we have to remember that the enemy gets a vote. If we expect all to go according to our plan, we are already deceived and defeated. We have to train for the unexpected. We have to train for different scenarios. We have to NEVER stop training.

 

 

For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.

2 Chronicles 16:9

For the past two years I have served as the Weekday Education Director at Parkview Baptist Church. I had no clue that this would be a position that I would hold when the Lord brought it to me. I didn’t even know that it was available. In obedience to God I had resigned months before from a Children’s Directors position with no intentions of seeking another position. Yet, the Lord had other plans.

In his book Experiencing God, Blackaby writes,

“We don’t choose what we will do for God; He invites us to join Him where He wants to involve us.”

― Henry T. Blackaby, Experiencing God

 I have come to realize the truth in this statement. Serving God is simply being willing to follow Him wherever that might be. Back before this past Christmas the Lord began to impress on my heart that my time was ending at Parkview. I wasn’t sure when that ending time would be, but I knew that the Lord would let me know.

I believed with all my heart that the Lord had used me to bring a new spirit and atmosphere into PromiseLand Preschool and I couldn’t imagine Him just throwing that out. Therefore, I knew that whoever He would bring in to take over this wonderful ministry to the community would have a similar passion and vision for parents and preschoolers. The passion that the spiritual growth and heart of the child is priority and the vision that we partner with parents and have complete transparency and open communication with them concerning their child. I believe the Lord provided that person. Mrs Carla Jackson will be taking on the position of Weekday Education Director for the 2016-2017 school year.

As for me… I am letting go in faith and waiting for my next invitation from God.

In the meantime, the Women of Proven Path, will be working on our very first women’s conference,

RELENTLESS

If you are a woman reading this, we would love to have you join us! This is your invitation from me… 🙂

In my service to the Lord I have learned that we must walk by faith, live by faith, and obey in faith. When the Lord called out Abraham he didn’t tell him where he was going or give him the details of what he would invite him to do. He simply said “Go forth from… And I will…”

When we study we see that Isaiah, Jeremiah, Peter, John, Paul, and so on and so on… did not choose how they would serve the Lord. They just humbly submitted to His will and trusted Him to use them as He saw fit. Their ministry and place of service was not dictated by obligation to man, but by obedience to Christ. As His servants our job is to simply see that our hearts are fully His.

My Daddy took this picture of me and my mother on our last visit to Cades Cove with him. It’s me and my mother looking at the Word of God under the cross. I see this picture and it reminds me that I am to stay at the foot of the cross. It reminds me that I am to never forget that my life’s purpose is to exalt Christ.

I exalt Him through my love and service to my family (Titus 2:3-5), and His church (Matthew 16:18), and through never forgetting, “but for the grace of God…” (1 Corinthians 15:10) as I share His word and gospel in a dying world to lost and broken people who simply just need Jesus even if they don’t know it.  It is God who chooses the how, when, and where I will do these things. I am to just always be ready with my why (1 Peter 3:15).

So here I am once again with arms high and heart abandoned…