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Author Archives: Nicole Vaughn
>Volunteers Anonymous
>This post is going back to the journal. Today we are traveling back in time to April 17, 2003…
Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness. I love You Lord and I love my husband. Thank You for the assurance that me and Patrick were meant to be together. Thank You Father for humbling me and opening my eyes to the fact that I was neglecting my family in Your name. In trying to grow closer to You and being a light to the world, I was starting to keep my family, especially Patrick, in the dark. And my family is where Your light in me should shine the brightest. Thank You Father for Your discipline. I love You Lord.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
Oh how I wish I could say that on April 17th, 2003 I conquered this struggle, but I can’t. It is a constant battle for me. Just this week we attended our Shelby’s basketball team meeting and the coach asked for volunteers to help assistants coach and keep book, automatically my hand is compelled to go up and I look at my husband and I know that even though I was an all-county player, even though I love coaching, even though I hate sitting on the sidelines for anything, even though I want to make the memories with my girls as “coach” I physically just cannot do this and most importantly God did not call me to do it.
As soon as we got in the truck to leave my girls were going but “Momma why didn’t you coach?” And my husband looks at me and says something like, “I saw you, I saw that hand trying to go up at the word “volunteer”, somebody says something about volunteering and automatically you think you have to be the one to do it.”
It’s the truth. I am a hands on person. I never liked sitting the bench. I never want to just sit on the sidelines. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to be involved. I jump in either headfirst or with both feet, rarely do I cautiously test the waters with a little toe or contemplate the pros and cons. All I can see around me are the things that need done and the things I could help with and sometimes I forget to check with God and my husband first before I say “YES!”
I used to honestly believe that if an opportunity presented itself it was because God had sent it and I was just to accept it and rejoice. I just wanted to serve Him and be used by Him to do anything! I never wanted to say no to God ever again and I did not ever want to live for myself again, only Him, to do His will, not mine.
I have come to realize that I am addicted to the validation that comes from serving. As a stay-at-home mom and housewife I do not receive awards or promotions. Rarely does anyone walk by and peek in and say,
“Mrs Vaughn, you did a wonderful job folding that laundry and getting that bathroom scrubbed to perfection. I think we will give you a raise”
or
“Mrs Vaughn, you handled yourself so well today as you managed to balance that budget and meet all our monthly commitments and still manage to pull in a profit to stick in the savings for future investments, how about a promotion and a raise!”
or
“Mrs Vaughn I understand that you’ve been on call 24/7 for the last 7 days as you nursed this child through this illness I think it’s time for some paid vacation”
And I suppose my worst frustration is the fact that the job is never really accomplished. The dishes will never all be done, the laundry will never all be clean, the bills will never all be paid… the sense of accomplishment comes in spurts and never lasts long because it’s not like you ever get to close the book on a task and stamp it with done. You are continuously cleaning up the same messes. And it seems no one appreciates the mess you clean up because within an hour all your hard-work is destroyed as though you never even did it.
But the truth is, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not the frustrations, not the lack of awards and recognition, not the lack of a paycheck, because I do what I do because I love my God and I love my family. One mother’s day card, one hug, one thank you, one I love… makes it all worth it.
So as for the volunteering. I am going to serve. I have been called to serve. I am a missionary for Christ. I love ministry. I love helping others. I am called to ministry just as every believer is called to ministry. But I have learned that I cannot be all things to all people all the time. I cannot be a part of everything, no matter how much my heart longs to just get involved. It took me a while to understand the difference between serving God and doing church. Church is not something I do, it is who I am. If my marriage and children are missing the best of me under the guise of serving God, then something is off. I am overextended and am doing something that God did not call me to do.
Please know that I am far from victorious in this area of my life. I can even justify myself in my addiction by blaming my husband for not being understanding or too demanding or blaming my children for not respecting “my time”, yet this is what an addict does isn’t it?
Signs of volunteer addiction (adapted from signs of drug addiction)
1. Usage Increase – Over time, it is common for individuals addicted to volunteering to grow tolerant to the effects of normal volunteering. If someone you know seems to be increasing his/her volunteer time past the normal healthy allotted time within a 24 hr period, this is an indication that the are suffering from volunteer addiction
2. Change in Personality – Changes in a person’s normal behavior can be a sign of dependency. Shifts in energy, mood, and concentration may occur as every day responsibilities become secondary to the need for the validation that comes with volunteering.
3. Social Withdrawal – A person experiencing a dependency problem may withdraw from family, friends and choose the volunteer opportunity over quality time with spouse and children.
4. Ongoing Use – Continued usage after a volunteer opportunity has been accomplished will result in the person needing extensions on his/her time of service. The person might talk of how they are “still feeling needed” and need just a little longer on the task in order to get it done right. He or she might also complain frequently about those who refused to encourage and support them in their volunteering for one reason or another.
5. Time Spent on Volunteering – A dependant person will spend large amounts of time driving great distances and visiting multiple places just to volunteer. Watch for signs that he or she seems preoccupied with a quest for volunteer opportunities, demonstrating that the desire to volunteer has become their top priority.
6. Change in Daily Habits and Appearance – Personal hygiene may diminish as a result of a volunteer addiction. Sleeping and eating habits change, and a person may have a constant twitches and red, glazed eyes.
7. Neglects Responsibilities – A volunteer addict may neglect household chores and bills.
8. Increased Sensitivity – Normal sights, sounds and emotions might become overly stimulating to the person, they will become easily irritated and frustrated.
9. Blackouts and Forgetfulness – Another clear indication of volunteer addiction is when the person regularly forgets events that have taken place and appears to be suffering blackouts.
10. Defensiveness – When attempting to hide a volunteer addiction, abusers can become very defensive if they feel their secret is being discovered. They might even react to simple requests or questions by lashing out.
So
Hello, my name is Nicole. I am a Christian, a housewife, and a homeschool mom, and I am a volunteer addict. So below I have taken the 12 step program and adapted it for my addiction. May it be of help to fellow volunteer addicts.
THE TWELVE STEPS OF VOLUNTEERS ANONYMOUS
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and sought to discover our own Spirit willed and God desired spiritual gift and limit our area of ministry to the one in which the Lord called and equipped us.
Honor Follows Honor
I want to share an excerpt from The Pursuit of God by AW Tozer:
Sometimes the best way to see a thing is to look at its opposite. Eli and his sons are placed in the priesthood with the stipulation that they honor God in their lives and ministrations. This they fail to do, and God sends Samuel to announce the consequences. Unknown to Eli this law of reciprocal honor has been all the while secretly working, and now the time has come for judgment to fall. Hophni and Phineas , the degenerate priest, fall in battle; the wife of Hophni dies in childbirth; Israel flees before her enemies; the ark of God is captured by the Philistines, and the old man Eli falls backward and dies of a broken neck. This stark, utter tragedy followed upon Eli’s failure to honor God.
Now over against this set almost any Biblical character who honestly tried to glorify God in his earthly walk. See how God winked at weakness and overlooked failures as He poured upon His servants grace and blessings untold. Let it be Abraham, Jacob, David, Daniel, Elijah or whom you will; honor followed honor as harvest followed seed. The man of God set his heart to exalt God above all; God accepted his intention as fact and acted accordingly. Not perfection, but holy intention made the difference.
Have you ever wondered how God could possibly still accept you and love you and keep you when you seem to constantly fail Him?
I know I have.
I look back and see how far God has brought me and I think, well you know what I’m doing all right.
Then I stand in my present, and I see how I fail miserably, and I think, I am getting nowhere, why does God even bother to put up with me.
It is these moments, these thoughts, that bring me to praise God even more because He did not hide or cover up the failures of His followers.
David was a man after God’s own heart not because he was perfect, but because he truly desired to honor God. David failed miserably. David suffered greatly for his failures, but God never forsook him, because God knew David’s heart was set to exalt Him. David’s failures never came from him trying to set himself up as his own God, they never came from a heart that purposely disregarded the honor due his Creator. His failures came from the result of his sin diseased flesh and when his failures and sin were addressed he dealt with them according to the ways of God. He accepted his consequences and sought God’s forgiveness and he moved forward in grace.
When we try to honestly glorify God in our earthly walk the way those recorded in Scripture did, then God will honor us just as He honored them. He will look over failures and wink at our weaknesses because He knows that as we seek to glorify Him and continue to grow in Him, He will be the strength in our weaknesses and He will give us success in spite of our failures. He simply says– come and follow Me, don’t run from Me in your failures and don’t try to hide your weaknesses, come to my throne of grace and I will be your help…
>From Confusion To Christ
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>Remaining Teachable
>I just checked my Chuck Swindoll daily devotion and it’s one that I must share in its entirety not just randomly quoted.
So here it is:
Esther sustained a continually teachable spirit. “Mordecai had instructed her that she should not make them known . . . Esther had not yet made known her kindred or her people, even as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther did what Mordecai told her as she had done when under his care” (Esther 2:10, 20).
Even becoming a finalist in this frenzied competition, or later, becoming queen, didn’t cause Esther to flaunt her independence and strut her stuff. Not this lady! This lovely, dignified, wise woman was still willing to listen and learn.
She remains a sterling example for women today. Some of you are wonderfully gifted teachers. You have the ability to stand before a group and to open the Scriptures or some other area of expertise and hold an audience in rapt attention with your insight and creativity. Others of you have distinguished yourself in public service. You have played prestigious roles and offices in the community. You may be well-traveled and rather confidently move in exclusive circles with powerful men and women whom you know on a first-name basis. There is nothing wrong with any of that. But let me ask, has that changed your teachability? Do you now see yourself as the consummate authority? Or has it simply made you aware of how vast your ignorance really is? I hope it is the latter.
Someone has said, “Education is going from an unconscious to conscious awareness of one’s ignorance.” I agree. No one has a corner on wisdom. All the name-dropping in the world doesn’t heighten the significance of your character. If anything, it reduces it. Our acute need is to cultivate a willingness to learn and to remain teachable. Learning from your children. Learning from your friends. Learning even from our enemies. How beautiful it is to find a servant-hearted, teachable spirit among those who occupy high-profile positions of authority.
Are you, like Esther, still willing to listen and learn?
Yeh, so I read, “let me ask, has that changed your teachability? Do you now see yourself as the consummate authority? Or has it simply made you aware of how vast your ignorance really is?”, and I had to stop and think…
Yeh I am at the point that I have come to realize that I am vastly ignorant, that is why I am constantly digging in God’s Word and researching and seeking and asking, because I have learned that as soon as I think I’ve got something all figured out, God throws me for a loop. He’ll send me a curve ball flying by so quick that it knocks me on my rear end in a split second. If I ever begin to get too big for my britches He reminds me right fast that I still have a lot of growing to do and a lot of learning to do.
This is one of the scariest things about teaching. I have to teach on the knowledge that I have at that point. I teach according to the measure of faith and grace given me one day at a time, and I have to trust that God will take my efforts and use them for the building up of those I teach and I pray that they never look at me as the final authority on any interpretation of the Scripture, for the only final authority is God. There is a big difference between my opinion on a matter and the correct interpretation of Scripture.
I am a disciple of Christ, a learner of the Lord, a professional student of the Prince of Peace. My heart and my mind must remain open to Him and His potters hands.
>Praying For Our Children’s Marriage and Purity
>It’s been a while since I stepped back in time with you to share from my journals, so I believe for at least the next few days I will be doing that… God has stirred the journals up within me and brought it to my remembrance so I think I just might ought to obey.
Today we are stepping back in time to December 30, 2002. At this point I had been on fire for my God for a whole year!
This journal entry is only one of many written prayers over my children and nieces and nephews and one of countless spoken prayers over them.
And she has no breasts;
What shall we do for our sister
On the day when she is spoken for?
“If she is a wall,
We will build on her a battlement of silver;
But if she is a door,
We will barricade her with planks of cedar.”
My Shelby read Genesis 2:24 and said “Momma, I understand the one part, but what’s the flesh?”
Bam!
Open door…
Having baby nephews around that my little one had seen have diaper changes and given baths made it very easy and simple to explain how God made the boy and girl parts to come together as one flesh. There was no graphic detail needed, no fancy explanations, just the simple facts settled her curiosity and my honesty and openness let her know that she was free to come to me with any question she had about this issue or really any issue.
As we share the truth and set up boundaries and teach our children what God says about this beautiful thing called sex that was meant for the confines of marriage, if or when, our children fall prey to the lies of the enemy and the world, they will know it. They will have truth for the Holy Spirit to pull out and convict their hearts so that they might turn from the lie and take back hold of the truth.
>Prayer’s Precious Power
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>Is Anything Too Difficult
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>What’s In A Name
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>Always Watching
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a day for a man to humble himself?
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
“Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
(Isaiah 58:5-9)
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
And He watches all his paths.
