Category Archives: Confessions of a Christian Wife

>Praying with Persistence or Shut Up and Trust

>How are we to know when to keep praying with persistence about the same thing or when to shut up and trust that God has heard us and move on?

As a parent I have kids who constantly are asking for stuff, to have stuff, to do stuff, to get stuff… always wanting stuff. My youngest who is seven at this time is dying for her own email account. We have told her to wait and we would set it up when we thought she was really able to handle one. However, even though we have already given her an answer which was to wait, she continues to constantly come to us and ask “But when?”
To which we have chosen to reply, “Every time you ask the time gets pushed back further.”

Hmmmmmm, now I wonder, is that my Father’s reply to me as well?

You see I ask for stuff, to have stuff, to do stuff, to get stuff… always stuff. It’s all reasonable stuff. Our house to sell. Foreign mission trips. Book sales. Ministry opportunities. Financial issues. Confirmations of prayers. You know good reasonable stuff.
And I have heard Him many times give me the answer, “Wait and I will give it to you when I know you are really able to handle it.”
However, I still find myself constantly coming to Him and asking, “But when?”

So I wonder is God looking at me and saying “Every time you ask the time gets pushed back further.”?

I try to justify my constant “But when’s” with the parable of the widow before the unrighteous judge in Luke 18:1-8, but my request are not going up before an unrighteous judge are they…

“Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not lose heart,” (Luke 18:1)

So how do we know when to be persistent in prayer and when to shut up and trust?

I’m still working on this one, but I think when the prayer is actually a whine… it’s probably time to shut up and trust. If I am whining, have I lost heart? Is a whine even really a prayer request? I tell my own children, “Excuse me, but I don’t understand whine language, when you can address me in english, we’ll talk.”

So if I am whining am I really trying to emotionally manipulate God? (Like that’s going to work!) Am I really just doubting that He heard me or is going to do what He said He would do? Is it that I am not trusting that He has my best interest in mind at all times? 

“will not God bring about about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:7-8) 

God is not going to delay in answering my request, even if and especially if the answer is wait. He will bring about His will quickly, as He said He would. Did you know that this word “quickly” is showed as only being used seven times in the Bible by the NAS Greek Lexicon?  In Luke 18:8, Acts 12:7, 22:18, 25:4, Romans 16:20, and Revelation 1:1, 22:16. The word is tachos in the greek and it means quickness, speed.

Perhaps what God is telling us many times, is wait, and when I answer I will answer with quickness and speed. You will have no doubt that it is Me. No doubt that your prayer has been answered according to My will to accomplish My purpose in you. So My dear precious one, My beloved, when I come with My answer to your request, will I find you waiting in faith…

So are we to pray with persistence or shut up and trust?
I think the answer just might be both.
A little phrase that I have coined… “when in doubt, pray about”

However, maybe, NO WHINE LANGUAGE ALLOWED ūüôā

This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. (1 John 5:14)

>Interpretations of Grease

>As I was spending time with a dear friend and sister in Christ this week we ended up on a discussion about music lyrics and movies. We were at a public place where random music was being played and a lot of that music was songs we listened to growing up and we would find ourselves singing the lyrics before we even realized it.

Then our girls would say “what’s that song” and we would then move into diverting them with a, “well it’s just an old song that was out when we were growing up.” And we would move on not really wanting to encourage them in learning the lyrics themselves. After all they’ve already got “Baby, Baby, Baby, Oooooh” stuck in their head. They don’t need “Shot to the heart and you’re to blame, baby you give love a bad name” added to their minds rolodex.

After the song lyric discussion it moved into the movie realm and the movie Grease came up. We both remember watching that movie as a child and loving it, I have to admit I still enjoy watching this movie.
What I recall as I watched this movie as a child was that I just focused on the fun of it. The catchy songs, the silly things that made me laugh, like the pies in the faces and the pink hair. I really never caught on to what the whole concept of the movie was about.

Then I watched it as an adult that was now deep in the study of the Word and was now focused on being holy as He is holy and being a slave to righteousness and not the slave to sin that once had me bound. I watched this movie with these new eyes in Christ and sat there with my mouth open in the “Oh my word!” expression.

As my friend and I discovered, this movie was horrible. The message of it, the lyrics of the songs, we both recalled the shock of discovering what we had really been singing. Wow!

The verse “Behold I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16) comes to my mind.  

This movie takes this good, pure, wholesome young lady, everything that we are desiring our daughters to be, this young girl who stands strong through the ridicule of friends because of her goodness and then this movie brings her down and ends with a celebration of her degradation. The girl compromises her convictions, the truths in which she has been taught, in order to get the object her desire… a boy. She shows up at the end of the movie in tight black leather with a cigarette hanging out of bright red lips.

What hit me this morning in the shower is what the boy had showed up in at the very same ending…

When this young girl met her fellow, he was not with his peers. His personhood was not affected by the company he kept… he was himself. This is who the young girl gave her heart to. Then she meets him within his peers and he is different. However her affection for him has not changed, nor has his for her.

What happens when this young man lays eyes on this young lady again? Well first he becomes a confused fool, torn between what he wants and who he is supposed to be. The young girl refuses to be intimidated by him and stands her ground to not be less than who she is, no matter who makes fun of her. As we watch the movie we see this young man realize if he is to have the object of his desire, he must change. He begins to do so… little by little… he begins to become a man.

The problem… the young lady. Here in the end she grew tired of waiting and she compromised. She threw it all out the window in order to get what she wanted. She lowered her standards and now is pretending to be someone she is not in order to get what she wants.

However had she just waited, had she just continued to stand her ground, this young man was rising to the occasion. He was becoming a man in order to earn her trust, her respect.

The truth hidden in the songs and fun of Grease, the moral of the story you might say that I believe is written in between the lines maybe…

Young ladies wait.
If you will wait, he will rise.
Do not compromise what you know is right, stand firm, hold fast, if he loves you he will rise to meet your standard. His desire is to earn your respect.
Let him.

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary” (Galatians 6:9)

>The Challenge

>Yesterday was my first public pool/beach experience for this summer season. As we were packing up to go and I was choosing which swimsuit to wear the dilemma began and then came the challenge to myself. When I challenge myself it’s really not a challenge in my own strength, but more a challenge of faith. You see I am learning that everything in my life as a believer centers around faith. Not faith in faith, but faith in Christ and believing His word and displaying my belief through my obedience to it. Obedience is evidence of faith and faith is not faith until it is tested.

What on earth can test a woman’s faith more than a public pool?

The dilemma came as I was choosing what suit to wear:
Option 1: Somewhat modest bikini
Option 2: Not so modest bikini
Option 3: Tankini with skirted bottom

Rationalization of Options:
Option 1: Well it’s pretty modest and I could keep a tank top on
Option 2: Only wear this one at our family’s pool when just family will be there or with my husband by my side at the beach, but I do have some swim trunks now from VBS that will match the top, could wear the bikini top and shorts
Option 3: Would not get as much sun and will have a skirt tan line, but would not embarrass my girls or compromise the standard we have set for them in suit choosing and I would feel comfortable walking around in it

Okay, Option 3 is the winner.

Now on the way to the pool comes the challenge.

Oh Father, please help me to have a good time today. Help me not to compare myself to another woman here. Let me not make myself feel better or worse about my appearance by comparing myself to some other female. 

You see I have allowed my entire pool or beach experience to be ruined at times because I saw some other female with a figure that I thought I could in no way ever measure up to and God help my poor husband if he even looked in her general direction. I would spend the rest of the trip in fear that when he looked at or touched me he was wishing I was her.
Then there are the times that I have found myself scanning the vicinity comparing myself to those in the what I considered to be the less than perfect figure categoryy and saying to myself, “well I look better than her” and then allowing this to determine my confidence in myself.

“For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding. But we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us as a measure, to reach even as far as you.” (2 Corinthians 10:12-13)

How dangerous it is for we as Christian women to determine our worth and confidence by comparing ourselves with each other and measuring ourselves by each other. Does not our society do that enough? I do not want my daughters to gain their confidence and worth by their outer appearance so I cannot do it myself. How dare I tear another person down in order to make me feel better about myself, even if I do it without their knowing it. The Lord looks at my heart. I want my heart to be pleasing to my God.
I also no longer want to measure myself by myself. I have learned that my mirror lies to me. I can look in it one morning and be pleased in what I see. Then not even a week later I can look in that very same mirror and all I can see is stretch marks, a bottom that’s just not what it used to be, legs with cellulite, arms that are now waving in a way that they never did when I was “raising the roof” ten years ago. I will leave the bathroom determined never to eat again and to work out 6 hrs a day until I look 21 again.

The only mirror I can trust is the mirror of God’s Word.   

The Word of God tells me that “All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field… The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever.” (Isaiah 40:6-8) How foolish is it of me to put my hope and confidence and worth in something that is not lasting. What determines somethings true value, even in our society, but that it is something that lasts. This flesh will not last. No matter how many protein shakes you drink, no matter the gym membership, no matter the surgeries, the loveliness of this flesh will fade so if I put my confidence in this withering fading flesh then my confidence, my worth, will wither and fade with it.

“for we are the true circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh,” (Philippians 3:3)

So my challenge to myself was not to compare myself this day with another female in any way. My challenge was not to look at another woman and say “well, I used to look like that” or “good grief, I could never look like that” or “at least I don’t look like that.”
My challenge was to enjoy the day with my girls-> heart to heart not flesh to flesh.
My challenge was to show my girls that living a life of faith is trusting God to see you through every part of your life, even the public pool experience as a middle-aged happily married mom ūüôā

Did the Lord help me meet this challenge? I can tell you with all honesty and confidence that yes He did. He did by giving me His Spirit to dwell in me and be my Helper and giving me the strength and authority in Christ to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-6)

“For the Lord will be your confidence…” (Proverbs 3:26) 

The Light

“We separate ourselves from Him sometimes, because we misunderstand His heart. We then feel like He is at a distance and we allow the lies of the enemy to pile on, which is an obvious tactic to push us further and further in the very direction that we want nothing to do with. It’s the bottomless pit of us and what we can do apart from Him…”¬† (Dara Maclean)

How many times have you fallen into this trap? I know that I have. God has promised that He would never leave us nor forsake us, but how often do we forsake Him because we assume He is through with us?

We have a basement at our church. This basement’s primary use at the moment is for a storm shelter and hell. Yes, hell is in our church basement, so come visit us anytime… Well it’s actually that we use the basement for¬†the hell scene in our yearly¬†drama¬†called “The Judgment Seat”¬†that we¬†put on around Halloween for our community and anyone else who wants to come.

The basement is full of stuff as this requires a huge set-up. So anyway, as I was looking for stuff to prepare the stage for our VBS this past June I needed to go down the stairs to the basement. I go to flip on the light and it is out. There is no light to light the stairway so I have to feel my way in the dark down to the next level where there is another light. I do this several more times, up and down the stairs.

Then it’s like God whispers “Stop, I have something to teach you”

So I stop on the stairwell and it hits me.¬†I realize that I could not see coming down the stairs, but I could see perfectly fine coming back up.¬†I look up to the top of the stairs where I had left the door propped open¬†to the light in the hallway. Then the verse, “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Psalm 119:105)¬†comes to my mind along with 1 John 1:5, “This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at¬†all.”

What I realized at this moment was that whether I was going up or down the stairs the light in the hallway had not changed. The light remained the same, but it was my position to the light that determined whether or not I could see.

The very moment I turned my back on the light, after being in the light, I could not see clearly at all. I was almost blind in the darkness. The further away I went the less I could see and find my way. But, no matter how far down I descended, the moment I turned back toward the light I could clearly see my way back up to it.

I believe this is what God wanted to teach me.

There may be times in our lives that we find ourselves in darkness. It could be that we have for some reason turned our back to the Light, and it is true that after being in the Light, the darkness seems even more dark. We might have stumbled into this darkness. We might be deceived into this darkness. It doesn’t matter how we got there, the way out is the same. We have to find the Light and turn back to it. The very moment we do, the Light makes clear the way. Even the smallest glint of light can be¬†a guide out of darkness.

We¬†have to remember¬†that the Light does not change. God does not change. He is the same today, yesterday, and forever.¬†God does not change but it is our position to God¬†that can¬†change. When our back is to Him we cannot see, but when we turn our face to Him…¬†then… when once we were blind,¬†now we see.

What’s your position to Him today?

>Pew Hopping with Papaw

>Wow… yeh… another crazy night!

Let’s see at one point I am in the Hartselle, Al Kroger parking lot with my husband and  run into one of my mentor’s  as she’s skipping church to eat at the Asian Buffet…She just waves and grins and says, I just felt like Chinese. My husband and I look at each other as we now deliberate between church or Chinese… I don’t recall our answer because all of a sudden now I am shopping.

Yes I am shopping, but in my own clothes that are hanging in a store. All these clothes have been gifts by others, and there were too many to hold in my closet so I borrowed a mall’s store rack room and then forgot they were there. Then as I am out to the mall shopping I see the clothes and I say “Oooooo I like these, think I’ll look here.” Then after poking through them for a while, it hits me, “hey these are all mine already!” Then would you believe I can’t reach the top to get them off the hanger bar. It doesn’t matter how big the chair is that I pull up, I can never reach it. The salesperson walks up and says “may I help you?’ To which I reply, “No, I got it, thank you” And I continue to struggle on my own.
I am sure there is a very big point here in all this somewhere… 

The next thing I know I have to go to the bathroom. Some how a toilet or lack of toilet always shows up in my dreams… Well and then of course when I go to the bathroom and flush the toilet it begins to overflow. I watch in horror and yet at the same time thanking God it was only number one. Now all of a sudden that toilet is in the same room of the clothes I was shopping through… yes weird, and I am in another bathroom warning all the entering ladies not to use the toilet.

Now I walk out of the bathroom and see my husband and I realize he has been waiting at the dressing room the whole time while our little girls try on clothes, and he is ready to go, so we go…

And somehow now we are at my aunts home and out in the pasture playing on the hill and then my husband sees something and heads down and around the hill to which the kids chase after with a, “I wanna go too!” But He sends them back up and around the hill screaming as a big wolf comes running behind them.
I recall seeing the wolf and trying not to panic and then I try to appease the wolf and I am holding his paw in my hand and I remember feeling the wait of it, but at the same time fear is gripping my stomach as I try to stay calm for the sake of the children…

Then I turn and it’s not just one wolf, it’s bigfoot, it’s the white thang (you probably have never heard of the “white thang” but let me tell you he is one scary white thang, just let my grandmother tell you), monsters are at this point everywhere.

Then out of nowhere comes my Papaw Harris who went home to be with the Lord over 15 years ago.  Yes here he comes marching down the hill after these monsters wearing his Liberty overalls and carrying a big stick. So Patrick and my Papaw go after the wolf and bigfoot and the white thang… oh me, right?

The next thing I know I am standing at the front of a church with a death grip around my Papaw Harris’s waist hugging him as tight as I can with one arm and crying as I beg him not to waste anymore time chasing after those monsters, but to come with me. I have my other arm loaded down with clothes I think they might have been from my previous shopping excursion.

I remember holding on to him tight and saying, “Papaw, please, we aren’t promised tomorrow!” To which he replies by unwrapping my arm from his waste and grabbing my hand tightly and bursting through the church doors with a shout and jumping on the back pew and then he pulls me along with him as he shouts and I grin from ear to ear and laugh with joy at and with my Papaw as we pew hop all the way to the altar. He then sets me down on the front row as he takes the stage and then I wake up… I think… or maybe I just can’t recall anymore…

Once again I am sure there is a moral to this story. Some sort of deep intricate interpretation to these dreams. A Discovery Channel special in the making no doubt.
Yeh… right.
Let’s just say I apparently am no Joseph… ūüôā

But to sum it all up in a quick nutshell…

None of us are promised tomorrow so don’t be off chasing monsters when you could be pew hopping with your Papaw!

>The Verdict

>So this housewife has spent the last few hours glued to the computer watching the defense’s closing arguments in the Casey Anthony murder trial. I have to admit that the defense’s arguments left me with a reasonable doubt and I believe at this point had I been on this jury I too would have said “not guilty”. Of course I have not watched the trial in full nor have I listened to the prosecutions closing arguments.

I am fully aware that my opinion holds no relevance to the case.

Many have spent today venting their frustration and indignation over this case. I don’t know if we will ever know what really happened to little Caylee. I have heard several assumptions. Many have their own idea and speculations all built around and from their own personal experiences with life. This is where most of us live.

As a friend’s facebook status said  “Please remember the absolute truth and promise of this: Ecclesiastes 12:14 ‘For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil'”

How thankful I am for the sovereignty of God. This is what we can know, God is the Judge of judges. He sees what we do not see. Nothing is hidden from His sight. Different life backgrounds and experiences do not help shape His opinions. He stands on truth. Justice is not blind to Him. It is always served.

This is where we should rest. This is where we can find peace. I also know that Caylee did not leave this earth without God’s permission. He alone holds the keys to life and death. This situation did not sneak up on Him.
I also know the blood of the slain calls up to God from the ground (Gen 4:10). The voices of the slain sit under His altar in the heavens and cry out for His vengeance (Rev 6:10). Matthew 18:10 lets us rest in the fact that even in her death, no matter how it came, Caylee was not alone, “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven.”

Now I have considered spending the next few hours listening to the closing arguments of the prosecution. You know… so I can pass my own judgment of the case… but God didn’t ask me to sit in this court. Instead of spending more time trying to decide whether or not I believe the verdict was correct in my opinion according to the evidence presented at trial, I think I will pray that God’s will be accomplished.

The truth is when we live our lives apart from the will of God, there is no limit to our sin. There is not a one of us, if not submitted to the will of the Father, if not putting to death the deeds of the flesh, that could not be sitting in her chair. When the enemy has free reign in our minds and complete control of our emotions and thoughts. When we are a slave to sin… “being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful,…” (Rom 1:29-31)

But for the grace of God there go I…


>Blah Days

>So the last couple of days have been “blah” days. Do you know what I am talking about? Sunday was a wonderful day of worship. The days before this past Sunday were filled with distinct and memorable God moments of revelation. They were filled with moments of hopeful expectations for the future. My minds eyes saw endless possibilities of God’s purpose and hand in my life. Not even the sky was the limit. You know eye hath not seen and ear hath not heard what the Lord has planned for those who love Him (1 Corin 2:9). Yes it was that kind of week, that kind of Sunday… then Monday.

Why is it that after you have just had some amazing time with God it is followed with a blah day? Or maybe it’s just me…

Monday I woke up with a weight on my shoulders. Nothing tangible, no obvious reason, just a heaviness upon me. One of those mornings where I stare at the sky and the trees and gaze absent-mindedly at my unopen Bible and clean notebook page in front of me. One of those mornings when I need a pep rally to just have the desire to want to get going. One of those mornings when my focus is on the issues of life instead of the Creator of life.

When these mornings, these days, come I have learned I have to just sit and wait. So I just sat and continued to stare out into the open sky and watch the slight breeze sway the tops of the trees and I just listened. Then after some time I took a deep breath and wrote out to God about my heaviness. This didn’t cause any weight to lift, but at least it was not hidden. Then I proceeded to open my Bible and started digging into Isaiah chapters 40 and 41.    

I wish I could say that the heavens opened and glory came down and filled my soul and the weight was lifted and I walked away from my quiet time skipping light as a feather as I sang the praises of my blessed Redeemer… but I can’t.
However, I was reminded by my blessed Redeemer that He had chosen me and not rejected me. I was reminded that I was not to fear because He was with me. I was told that I was not to look anxiously about me for He was my God. I was told that He would strengthen me and would surely help me and He would uphold me with His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:9-11).

He didn’t say that He would remove the blah day, but He would help me and strengthen me. Today I am still in the blah day, but there is less blah than yesterday ūüôā

The blah days are when we trust what we learned in the wonderful days. As God is carrying us through the blah days, He doesn’t leave us without encouragement. When I checked my email this morning I received some words of encouragement from a fellow follower of Christ, Mr Chuck Swindoll:

I don’t know what your intimidating giant is today. It may relate to your job, your roommate, or your school. Maybe it is a person, a lawsuit, unemployment, a disaster . . . maybe even your own partner in life. Perhaps it is some fear that is lurking around the corner, sucking your energy and draining your faith. God is saying to you right now, “All I ask of you is five smooth stones and a sling of faith. I’ll take it from there. You don’t have to wear somebody else’s armor. You just trust Me. And I’ll strip you down to nothing but faith, and then I’ll accomplish a victory where I’ll get the glory.
But as for you . . . you trust Me.”
Perhaps you don’t know what lies across the valley. Maybe you can’t get a handle on what that giant is; but it’s there, haunting you. That uncertainty alone is a giant. But look at that worry in comparison to the Lord God Himself, and say, by faith, “The battle is Yours, Lord. It is Your battle. I lean on You. I give You all my weapons, all my skills, and I stand before You, trusting You.”
It is God’s love for us that causes Him to bring us to an end of our own strength. He sees our need to trust Him, and His love is so great that He will not let us live another day without surrendering our arms to Him, giving Him our fears, our worries, even our confusion, so that nothing becomes more significant to us than our Father.
Never, ever forget it: the battle is the Lord’s!
So from the pen of Isaiah and from the pen of Chuck, the Lord’s message remains the same… trust Him. 
I love how God never says, “well if you really loved me you wouldn’t be feeling that way.” God never condemns us according to our feelings. It is our actions that matter to Him. It’s not our feelings, but how we respond to our feelings. 
So in these blah days, these heavy days that haunt, these days that have us walking around like those old Looney Tunes cartoons… you know the ones… the ones where the one single rain cloud is above one person’s head and it’s pouring down rain and thundering and lightening above them and yet the sun is shining all around and on everyone else…
yes, in these days…
trust Him.

>Promises In The Word of God Concerning My Husband

>I found this prayer tucked away in my journal. I can’t remember who shared it with me, but I used to pray it over my husband daily. I believe now that I have rediscovered it I will begin to pray it over him again. Maybe you would like to pray it over your husband or your future husband or fellas take it and adapt it your wife or future wife and pray it over her. It is never to soon or too late to pray for our spouse. When you read “my husband” replace it with your husband’s name (or wife’s once adapted).

“Father, I pray today, in the name of Jesus, that my husband will not walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law does he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in it season; its leaf also shall not whither; and whatsoever he does shall prosper (Psalm1:1-3).

Thank You that You have raise him up together with You, and made him to sit in heavenly places in Christ Jesus; he is Your workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which You have before ordained that he should walk in them (Ephesians 2:6,10)

I bow my knees unto the Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that You would grant my husband, according to the riches of Your glory, to be strengthened with might by Your Spirit in His inner man; that Christ may swell in his heart by faith; that he will be rooted and grounded in love, and may be able to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height, and to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that he might be filled with all the fullness of God. Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us (Ephesians 3:13-21).

I pray that no corrupt communication proceed out of his mouth, but that which is good to use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29).

Father, I will to submit myself unto my own husband, as unto the Lord. And I thank You that my husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. I desire that my husband love me even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it. I will to reverence and respect my husband in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:22-33)

We are heirs together of the grace of life and our prayers will not be hindered, we pray. We will be of one mind, having compassion one of another, loving and courteous, not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that we are called to this, that we should inherit a blessing (1 Peter 3:7-9).

I desire that my husband might be filled with the knowledge of your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that he will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, pleasing Him in all respects, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to Your glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness. You have made him fit to be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of Light and have delivered him from the power of darkness and have transferred him into the kingdom of Your Son in whom we have redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:9-14).

I plead the blood of Jesus over my husband. I claim the full armor of Jesus around him. May he stand firm with the belt of truth buckled around his waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and may his feet be fitted with the gospel of peace. In addition to all this may he take up the shield of faith with which he can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. May he take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God and may he pray in the Spirit at all times, in all occasions, with all kinds of prayers and petitions. With this in mind may he also be alert and always keep praying for all the saints (Ephesians 6:14-18).

I ask these things, believing in Your Word.
In Christ’s name,

>Back in the Journal

>March 2, 2002

“for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.” Luke 12:12
“I said, ‘I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin, I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.” Psalm 39:1

Father, help me to deal with conflict the way your son Jesus Christ would. Help me to control my tongue and my anger. Help me to forget and forgive. Help me to admit when I am wrong. Help me to know when to stand firm firm and when to compromise.
In Jesus name,

March 4, 2002

Father, I just want to praise You and thank You for Your mercy and grace! I thank You for Your faithfulness. I pray that I will remain just as faithful to You! The devil tried all day today to make me lose my temper and lose my peace but Your Holy Spirit remained strong in me and the devil did not succeed. I thank You for my peace and praise You for my strength because I know that all I am is of You and from You!
In Jesus name,

Now I do not recall what prompted either on of these journal entries in March 2002. It is apparent that my tongue and temper had gotten the best of me. It could have been a fight with my husband. It could have been a telemarketer. It could have been some stranger cutting me off in the parking lot of Wal-Mart. I don’t remember, but it was enough for me to write it down. It was enough to convict me and have me searching out the Scriptures for help in case it happened again. It was apparently a strategy of the enemy that worked quit well because it only took two days before I had an opportunity to trust in the Scripture references I had written down.

What I gather from this journal look-back is that God was faithful. His Word was faithful. When I trusted in Him and pulled out my Sword of Truth I was victorious. This day I had success. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if when we won a victory it was the last battle on that particular subject we would have to fight. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way. It leans more in the direction that the more battles you win the harder the next attack comes. The enemy of our souls just does not give up that easily. How I praise God that greater is He who is within me than he who is in the world.

The thing is we never know who is watching us. We are at all times affecting someone- in our home, in our families, in our neighborhood, in our communities. The wicked are around us, the lost are around us, the saved are around us, fallen ones are around us, angels of mercy are around us.

We never know when what comes out of our mouth will be used against us or used to blaspheme the name of our God among the lost. We never know when our words will hurt or how they will affect someone we didn’t even know was listening. We never know when our tempermant can be used to turn someone away from our testimony of the grace of our God.

However, at the same time we can know how a sincere apology will be used for us. We may never know when seeking God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of the ones we have wounded with our tongue and temperment will be used by God to demonstrate His grace, but it will be. I cannot even begin to share all the times I have had to apologize for harsh words to my husband. Nor can I even begin to share all the times I have had to sit down with my children and tell them I am sorry for my harsh words and tone. I can’t even begin to tell of the times I have had to call and apologize to a clerk at a store for allowing something out of their control to frustrate me.

I can recall one specific incident that happened at the photo booth at Wal-Mart, probably around the time of these journal entries mentioned. I don’t remember why I was upset, but something had happened and for whatever reason the store policy would not fix what I felt was their mistake. Any way I do remember being very rude to this poor clerk who was really just trying to do her job. I felt justified in my anger and rude words and tone… until about the parking lot. Then I spent the drive home explaining to God how I was justified in my attitude… yeh, that didn’t work out to well.

So I walk in the door of our home and head to the phone book and search out the Wal-Mart photo section phone number and call the photo booth and proceed to apologize to this woman. I had to confess to her that I was a Christian and I had not been a very good example of my Christ.

The funny thing is that I think she was probably more affected by my call of confession and apology than she would have been had I been perfectly behaved in front of her the first time. Not that I in anyway recommend this course and order of action, it’s just that all things work together for good for those who love God and are the called according to His purpose and what the enemy intended for evil God will use for good if we will just trust and obey.

>Victory in Jesus

>It never ceases to amaze me how well our God knows us and our sin condition. I am doing a little research on friendship and social interactions. As I went to my Strong’s to research the words friend, companion, brother, and sister I discovered over 600 references to these words in the Scriptures, then as I began to dig deeper I saw that their are different specific definitions to these words according to their context. I’ll be spending more time looking into that in the next few weeks, the Lord has peaked my curiosity.

Well as I was looking at this I thought, “isn’t there some sort of disorder that keeps people from being able to socialize with others”. So I head to the computer and google “social disorder” and this is some of what I learned from the Mayo clinic:

Social anxiety disorder is a chronic mental health condition that causes an irrational anxiety or fear of activities or situations in which you believe that others are watching you or judging you. You also fear that you’ll embarrass or humiliate yourself.

Emotional and behavioral signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder include:

  • Intense fear of being in situations in which you don’t know people
  • Fear of situations in which you may be judged
  • Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself
  • Fear that others will notice that you look anxious
  • Anxiety that disrupts your daily routine, work, school or other activities
  • Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment
  • Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention

Physical signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder include:

  • Blushing
  • Profuse sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Nausea
  • Stomach upset
  • Difficulty talking
  • Shaky voice
  • Muscle tension
  • Confusion
  • Palpitations
  • Diarrhea
  • Cold, clammy hands
  • Difficulty making eye contact

You may also be affected by:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Trouble being assertive
  • Negative self-talk
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism
  • Poor social skills

Common, everyday experiences that may be difficult to endure when you have social anxiety disorder include:

  • Using a public restroom or telephone
  • Returning items to a store
  • Interacting with strangers
  • Writing in front of others
  • Making eye contact
  • Entering a room in which people are already seated
  • Ordering food in a restaurant
  • Being introduced to strangers
  • Initiating conversations

Left untreated, social anxiety disorder can be debilitating. Your anxieties may run your life. They can interfere with work, school, relationships or enjoyment of life. You may be considered an “underachiever,” when in reality it’s your fears holding you back from excelling. In severe cases, you may drop out of school, quit work or lose friendships.

Social anxiety disorder can also lead to other health problems, such as:

  • Substance abuse
  • Excessive drinking
  • Depression
  • Suicide

I read this and I thought, my goodness, this was me.
This STILL IS me at times, if I let it be.
Shocking news (not really) as you read this info you also read that women are most likely to suffer from this “social anxiety disorder”. How ironic that we as women are labeled as not being able to pass up a conversation yet studies show that we as women are most likely to suffer from this social disorder.

Oh my, before I came to lean on the everlasting arms of my Savior I really did suffer from this. I recall it hitting me in 1st grade. I would go to the nurse everyday sick just to get out of class. I remember going to the teacher balling my eyes out asking her to move my seat because these two boys were smiling and giggling at me. I remember hiding behind the filing cabinet when the class left for P.E. because we were supposed to be playing a new game that day that I had never played and I was terrified. I remember sitting in class with my head down, making no eye contact with the teacher hoping with all my might that she would not call me to go to the board. I don’t know why I reacted this way to such things. I had a wonderful loving family. There was nothing outside of myself to blame this on. It was within me.

Even in college when asked to go work something out on the board, terror would strike me. What if something was on the back of my pants? What if my underwear was showing? What if I trip on the way up? What if I forget what I am doing when up there? What if I pass gas in front of everyone, because my stomach was already upset from being nervous from just walking in the door to the classroom? What if?
Do you know I dropped speech at least four times in college. I was 30 years old before I finally conquered this class, but in the power of Christ and in the strength that He gave me I had victory.

John wrote perfect love casts out fear. Jesus told us to cast ALL our cares on Him. Paul tells us not to be anxious about anything but in all things pray. Jesus said I am with you. No matter the situation I am with you. Little by little the perfect love of my Saviour has been working away at the things that used to leave me crippled in fear. As I learn that I am nothing apart from Him I learn that I am everything in Him.

So to my fellow in the closet or out of the closet social anxiety disorder friends:
Know that nothing is impossible with God.
Know that in Christ you can have victory.