Let us remember that these last few days have been focused on equipping ourselves with some tools and answers for the icky questions for ourselves and others. Today we are going to look at the dating thing.

Day Thirty-One

We live in a world that thinks you gotta try it before you buy it. A world where free samples are given out as an incentive to purchase the whole thing. A world where the newcomer receives all the perks and deals and the one that has been the faithful loyal customer is treated with contempt… and this is exactly how our world is viewing dating and marriage as well.

I am not a fan of dating. I don’t like it. I don’t think you need to “try” a lot of boys out before you decide if he’s “the one” and then you end up tied to the wrong one in the testing process while the right one walks on by and sweeps someone else off their feet while you cry in your pillow at night because you don’t know how to get out of this “trying out” one that you have just realized is going nowhere.

 

Let me share Shannon’s story from Dannah’s book-Shannon is in college. Dannah said she had a brightness in her eyes and a freedom in her spirit that set her apart from many of the other girls she had talked to. Shannon loves Jesus and she is a virgin. This decision has been costly for Shannon.

She sits alone in silence in class while those around her talk and laugh about what happened at last night’s party. She didn’t go and she chooses not to get involved in the conversation of those who did. Some of Shannon’s friends don’t understand why she doesn’t go, but Dannah shared how Shannon raised her chin a little and held her shoulders higher as she said, “… but I’ve never felt the desire to get into the party scene. And because of that, I feel I’m more in control of my life.” 

Dannah shares that Shannon is now studying art history abroad in Rome, having the time of her life. She is a contrast to many young women who are so worried about holding together a short-term relationship that they can’t even consider taking advantage of such opportunities. 

 

Like I said, I don’t like dating. I truly believe that God is capable of bringing your spouse to you right in the midst of you just being obedient to Him. Remember Rebekah and Isaac (Genesis 24). She was just out taking care of the sheep. Doing life. And God sends her Prince Charming to her. She didn’t have to go find him.

However, if you are going to date, I think you should date as friends.

Your relationship can really be tested as you get to know each other (not your bodies) and find out if you actually like each other and not the sex.

A dating or courtship relationship will tell you how well equipped a guy is to exercise the staying power of faithful love, both with you and with God.

 

Dannah shares another story about Kevin.

Kevin had fallen many times and learned his body was sometimes stronger than his spirit. He wanted to be known as a guy who protected girls, especially the girl he most loved. That meant he had to take even kissing off the table. It was too much for him. It created an override in his normally self-controlled character.

So, no kissing until “I do.”

The girl who would marry Kevin would know his past. His weakness. His hurt. And she’d share in it through self-restraint.

Dannah also shares about Lauren. Lauren was fifteen and a new Christian. You see her boyfriend had led her to Christ. Then he tried to lead her to bed. She said no and he broke up with her.

Then Lauren went to college.

Lauren ran into Kevin and Kevin shared his no kissing decision with Lauren and she laughed and said, “Good luck finding that girl!”

Kevin and Lauren had their first kiss before their family, and friends, and God at the altar, right after the preacher man said, “You may now kiss the bride”

May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine. 
“Your oils have a pleasing fragrance,
Your name is like purified oil;
Therefore the maidens love you. 
“Draw me after you and let us run together!
The king has brought me into his chambers.”

Song of Solomon 1:2-4

 

Are you crying?

I am!

As I write this I cry… this is what I want for my girls. This is what I want for my nieces and nephews.

Real love.

Real, true love.

Real, true, faithful love.

Staying love.

Love that is based on self-sacrifice not self-gratification. Love that is based on truth not emotion. Love that is faithful, true, and loyal not wishy-washy, false, and fickle.

My husband and I talk, and as we look back at our lives and our past, we wish we could go back and do things different. Oh how we wish we could, but we can’t. All we can do is forget what lies behind and press forward to what lies ahead.

Your challenge today is to do that. To press forward. God has not called us to live in the past, but He has called us to a future and a hope.

 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD,

‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Maybe you did it all wrong… maybe you are doing it all wrong. It is not to late to stop living in the past regrets and present failings.

Stop.

And be still and know that He is God. He does love you with real, true, faithful, staying love. Trust Him.

 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect,

but I press on so that I may lay hold of

that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet;

but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind

and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 

press on toward the goal for the prize

of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

 

I am sitting here before the computer screen debating on what the topic should be today. We are closing in on the last days of this Thirty-three Day Challenge. There is the porn issue, the masturbation issue, the how far is to far issue, but the fact is in all these “issues” the answer is the same… “yada” so I am just gonna hit on all three today.

The enemy of your soul will use all of the above issues to steer you as far away as possible from yada, from God’s design, from God’s best for your heart.

If Gods word for sex is yada and yada means to be deeply known and deeply respected… then this in itself answers these issues and in truth most of these issues are related to one another and if you deal with one you indadvertedly deal with another.

If we remember to live by love and not by law… if we remember that Christ is in us, and with us, and sees us… if we remember the reality of His presence… then these issues can become non-issues in our lives.

Day Thirty

The porn issue:

Here’s the thing in a nut shell. Men like naked women. God presented Eve to Adam and when God did Eve was naked… and Adam liked it. However, Eve was Adam’s wife, not just “any” woman. Adam would care for Eve, would love Eve, would forsake all others for Eve, would walk with Eve, would talk with Eve, would hold Eve, would have children and raise a family with Eve… He would KNOW Eve.  And Eve would know Adam and she would deeply respect him as a man and as her husband.

YADA.

Can whatever you are viewing, or reading, or listening to, or fantasizing about, that brings you to sexual arousal deeply know you or respect you? Can you deeply know or deeply respect what you are viewing, reading, hearing, or fantasizing about? Do you feel deeply respected and deeply known when you are in the porn issue? Are you excited to call all your friends and tell them all about your porn issue? Ladies, do you deeply respect this unknown man that you are using to fulfill your own sexual and emotional desire?

The truth is it is hard to deeply respect a man who is involved with porn. Whether he is the man you are viewing or whether he is the man viewing it. If your husband is involved with porn and he sees no issue with it, and maybe even you have not had an issue with it… let me ask you to seriously think about the respect level in your marriage, for him and yourself, and how has it truly affected your ability to submit to him as the head of your household… even if this is something you view or have viewed together.

Many men and women think the porn issue will just go away when they get married… but marriage doesn’t fix sin. Only confession, crucifixion, and daily washing of the Word fixes sin. If porn is a part of your marriage then it needs addressed and confessed.  It needs dealt with before it destroys you and your marriage. It drives a wedge between you and your spouse (or future spouse) and it drives a wedge between you and your Christ.

The masturbation issue:

Is this not usually a response to the above issue… not guarding your eyes, ears, and heart from things that sexually stimulate you. You are a sexual being. God gifted you with your sexuality so that you might desire and enjoy your spouse. Sex is designed by God to bring you into an exclusive relationship with your spouse. You can’t be in a relationship with yourself. Sex is not a solo sport.  Masturbation can bring you release from sexual tension… but it leaves you empty and unfulfilled… and cold.

Please know that God is mindful of sexual tension. He created your body to deal with it. Yes, I am talking about the “wet dream”. However… you are not to go to bed purposely preparing your mind to go there because that brings you right back to the above porn issue.

If  you struggle with this… tell someone. Do not let the shame you feel keep you from seeking help.  God did not save you, and redeem you, for you to remain in darkness and shame, and seeking help keeps you accountable. Ladies, we need each other to hold our feet to the fire of holiness.  Many men and women think, like the porn issue, that the masturbation issue will just go away when they get married… but once again, marriage doesn’t fix sin, only confession, crucifixion, and daily washing of the Word fixes sin.

(Here is a recent post that Dannah Gresh has written a recent post on how to satisfy your sexual desire in singleness. I am about to read and review her new book Pulling Back the Shades that deals more deeply with this topic.) 

The how far is to far issue:

This issue has been discussed before in this challenge as we looked at living by love and not law. If you have to ask “is this too far” then it is. If you are asking just how much can I get away with…then you are asking the wrong question. You need to be asking how close do I get before I feel my emotions kick in and create a desire within me for more. If you have a desire to go further just from looking in his eyes… then my guess would be that kissing him is gonna get you in a lot of trouble.

I believe we can find the right answer to how far is to far in Scripture.

Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father,

to the younger men as brothers,

the older women as mothers,

and the younger women as sisters,

in all purity. 

1 Timothy 5:1-2

So ladies… if you wouldn’t do it with your dad, if you wouldn’t do it with your brother, then you shouldn’t do it with him… because in Christ, until he wears the title husband, he wears the title of father or brother.

I am teaching my girls to save that first kiss for the man that will be their husband. I do not know as of yet if they will heed my teaching… I pray they will. I pray that they choose to wait on the boy that falls in love with their hearts… not their face.

*********************************************************************

So there is just a quick run down of these three “issues”. As we grow into women of emotional and sexual integrity these are issues we must address. We can’t pretend that they are not out there. If we want to raise our daughters to be women of emotional and sexual integrity then we can’t stick our heads in the sand and pretend that they will never face any of these issues… because they will.

Ladies, your challenge today is to continue to examine your hearts and see if any of these issues are a struggle that you need to bring before the throne of grace. Are they a struggle that you need to talk to someone about. And if you are a mom… these are issues you need to be able to talk about with your children. Do you need to do it now?

Then do it.

And do it with grace and truth.

Don’t do it with condemnation and hell fire and brimstone so that your child hides any future struggles with this out of fear and shame.

We live in a world where we walk in “religious” freedom. We or our children may never be faced with the struggle with whether or not we have to choose physical death over renouncing Christ, but the enemy of our souls has taken our world of freedom and used it to his advantage.

If he can’t cause us to face physical death, he will cause us to face emotional and mental death. Don’t think that one is worse than the other.

One is inside, one is out…

I would go so far too say that the dying on the inside is far worse… wouldn’t you.

“Everyone’s story is different.” That’s how Rachel began hers. “I grew up wishing I was a man.” She went on to share a memory from her early childhood when she…

I am not going to finish the story.

I am not going to finish it because I want you to be able to do that if you need to.

Day Twenty-Nine 

By the way, Rachel grew up in a Christian home. She knew God loved her. She knew He’d made her. She just felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body. She played with boys and had very few friendships with girls… As time moved on, she grew into a young adult- and discovered that sex is emotional. “It was very easy for me to manipulate friendships with women who would become emotionally dependent,” admits Rachel. “Women who have never had a same-sex attraction would allow themselves to become physically intimate with me because I fed that emotional attachment so much.”

All the while, Rachel made her way through youth group and graduated from a Christian college…

No one knew.

All the while she knew her feelings were not right.

All the while she wondered why God would not make her feelings go away if they were wrong.

All the while she kept silent about her struggle. She let no one in her church know about her struggle… She didn’t want to say it out loud.

Silence didn’t help.

Finally she mustered up the courage to talk to her Pastor’s wife… and now Rachel is walking in freedom and has moved beyond her struggle with same-sex attraction and is being used by God to help others with theirs.

Are you a Rachel?

Let me share some news that might shock you. I have served in the area of children and youth ministry since the Lord called me to be wholly surrendered, during one of these times of ministry I was talking with a group of jr high age girls… this was a group, not just a few, every single one of these girls broke out in nervous laughter of agreeance that they had already struggled, or at least wondered, if they were a lesbian.

This is real. 

Do the young women (and men) around you have the freedom to come and share their struggle in homosexuality with you and not be condemned… or maybe you are reading this and you are someone like Rachel who needs to let the Light into your dark silence?

Rachel says that when she starts working with a teen who is struggling, she refuses to let her use labels. Don’t let the gay/lesbian/bisexual/transsexual movement slap a label on you. And don’t let Christians who judge your struggle to be more scandalous than theirs label you as somehow less precious in God’s eyes.

You are not gay. You are a daughter of Christ. Struggling with same-sex attraction is a symptom of life lived in a fallen world. Stop labeling yourself.

It has been my experience that when someone struggles with homosexuality it can come down to two main things.

1) You are a Rachel… something happened in your early childhood to plant a “lie seed”. Maybe it was as simple as being picked on for being “eewwww a girl”, maybe it was a sexual molestation by a trusted friend or family member, maybe it was being exposed to pornography and your sexual awakening happened in the oh so wrong way. It doesn’t matter what “lie seed” was planted… but you never told anyone about it… so the Enemy of your soul has spent years and years watering it for you and he’s been feeding it and it’s been growing inside of you in the dark and now it is choking out your light and your hope and the truth that you once could at least see a little bit of…

2) Or may be it’s the Lie we talked about on Day Sixteen. Maybe you just are drawn to a person because they catch your attention and the lies you have grown up with have convinced you that when someone gets your attention and now has your affection… then you must want to have sex with them… and once again you never told anyone about this thought, this feeling, this lie… so it grows inside you…

Ladies, do you remember Day Sixteen: Getting to the Heart of the Matter:

Now in attraction you become familiar enough with the person to know you are drawn to him, but you are not yet familiar enough to act affectionately toward that person.

Both attention and attraction are not limited to men but include a wide variety of things: the kind of clothes we like, the style of house we prefer, and the type of food we crave.

When you go to church or business meetings, you probably are drawn to certain individuals but not to others. The woman who became your friend is probably someone you run to when you need a hug or have really good news to share.

Society has twisted our minds into thinking that if we are drawn to someone, we must want to have sex with them. But attraction isn’t necessarily sexual. 

(Personally I believe this lie and twisting of attention and attraction and affection is one of the tools that the enemy has used to convince many that they must be homosexual or bisexual to feel the way they do. We will discuss this in more depth later in the challenge)

When we find ourselves attracted to someone we then begin to move into showing that person affection. 

And ladies do not forget what we have learned about our God given desire for yada.

Could it be that maybe the struggle in lesbianism for some is just that their heart has been broken over and over and they just want to be known and understood and this other girl does because she has really been there, she knows how you feel, how you think, what you mean… 

So instead of choosing to believe the truth and trust God to heal your heart and wait on Him you seek shelter in her “understanding” arms instead of His?  

Maybe you never meant or intended it to become a sexual relationship, but it has and now you don’t know how to walk away, you feel trapped because you are on this road and you don’t know how to get off, and you’re scared of what you will go through, what others will say about you, if you do.

Then please do not ever forget the truth to see you through the temptation that we learned on Day Seventeen: Aroused Attached Addicted

Finally, seek a trusted friend or counselor to hold you accountable through this season of temptation. If you know you are going to have to answer to someone else- whether it is your husband, a friend, or a counselor- about your thoughts, words, and actions, you’ll try harder to limit them to things you wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit. Getting real and honest with yourself and with someone who can keep you from falling into the pit of compromise is the best lifeline available.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another,

and pray for one another so that you may be healed.

The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

James 5:16

My experience has been that if you starve your desire to be emotionally intimate with a man, it eventually dies. The more you control your appetite for forbidden fruit, the more dignity and satisfaction you will feel about yourself and your ability to be a woman of sexual and emotional integrity.

I truly believe if you starve  your desire to be emotionally and sexually intimate with a female and (and is the key word here) and share your struggle with a trusted friend or counselor and flood your soul with the Word of God… you will have victory in this struggle as much as any other you face…

This is not the one sin in Scripture that God refuses to help you with, it is not the sin of eternal damnation nor is it the I was just made this way sin so it must be okay.

It is a battle between good and evil that is raging in your mind, heart, and soul… but in Christ you have been given the victory… but you gotta fight. Stop believing the lie and come at the father of lies with the Sword of Truth and cut his head off so he will shut his lying mouth and his lies will not progress within you and control you.

Dannah shares in her book the progression of a lie:

1) We listen to a lie. We frequently get close to messages that are contrary to God’s truth.

2) We dwell on a lie. We converse about those lies and consider deeply and regularly what is said without dwelling on truth or asking the advice of others who know God’s truth.

3) We believe a lie. We believe that the lie is more trustworthy than what God says in His Word.

4) We act on the lie. We sin.

You see, the patterns, behaviors, and addictions we struggle with are often the fruit of a lie that took root years ago.

Oh ladies, get this book, and read it, and share it with the women in your life. The truths that Dannah shares in her book What Are You Waiting For are eye opening and life changing because she shares God’s truth in love.

Your challenge today: maybe you struggle with this… maybe you know someone who does. Let me share with you that Rachel was able to be set free from her same sex attraction because the woman she went to for help did not condemn her. She did not pick up a Bible and hit her over the head with all the Scriptures that God shares with us about how homosexuality is an abomination… Rachel knew all of those… she grew up with them and God had already placed the law in her heart…

Rachel needed grace.

The woman Rachel sought help from did not condemn her with the Word, but at the same time she did not tell Rachel that she could just keep on living that way and God would be just fine with it. She met Rachel were she was and she chose to love her with grace and truth and strengthen her with grace and truth and guide her with grace and truth.

For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.

For the Law was given through Moses;

grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.

John 1:16-17

Your challenge… if you need that woman go find her today. She is out there. Or ladies, if you don’t need that woman today… then be that woman to someone who does.

 

God created man in His own image,

in the image of God He created him;

male and female He created them

Genesis 1:27

Isn’t it interesting that when God shares that He created us in His image He shares that He created us male and female. It doesn’t say in the image of God He created them with reasoning power and creative ability and power and might… no just simply male and female He created them.

Day Twenty-Eight

The Bible mentions only gender in reference to our divine design.

Maleness.

Femaleness.

Why? Because the one true God is a social being… And the unique distinction between maleness and femaleness invites us to be social beings too. Our male and female differences are what create our craving for yada. We wouldn’t long to be known if we were all alike, right? The experience of being known means we start at a place of being unknown. This places authentic humanity and sexuality in the context of male and female diversity…

…the secular worldview declares that to be human is to be an animal and, therefore, we can follow any physical or instinctual urges we might have. But a biblical worldview tells us that to be human is to be- as a distinct female or male- the image of God. His “statue.” When people look at us, they see Him.

That’s pretty holy.

Any other view of gender is little more than one of the Villian’s battlegrounds for eliminating our belief in the existence of God.

In our world today I am saddened most by this “unisex” push… I read an article once about a women who had a little child and hid this child’s gender from them and others in hope that the child would not be influenced by their sexuality.  This is absolute insanity to me. In truth this child came out of the womb either distinctly female or male. These women did not allow this child to naturally evolve into the child’s choice sexuality. No, they purposely set this child up to be confused… not clear.

They chose to manipulate this child’s emotional being at the child’s very core…

This child is only one of many deeply wounded children that are being brought up to believe such lies. Oh, how we must be about our Father’s business! Oh how our world needs truth… how this world needs real love. Our society is drowning in a media induced counterfeit love that is driven by sin and wrapped in the cords of deception.

It doesn’t matter what surgeries you go through… it doesn’t matter how long or short you wear your hair. You might be able to reconstruct your body, but you can not reconstruct your soul. You are not male trapped in a female body, and you are not female trapped in a male body. You are a human being created distinctly male or distinctly female who is under the attack of the Liar and Murderer from the beginning.

Don’t submit and surrender to his lies… submit and surrender to your Christ! Oh, please I beg you… believe HIM! He is trustworthy!

The male and female are two distinct, independent humans, but when they come together, they are one, or in the Hebrew, echad.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother,

and be joined to his wife; and they shall become echad flesh.

Genesis 2:24

Guess where else we see this type of union?

Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is echad!

Deuteronomy 6:4

Yeh.. wow!

Let us make man in Our image…

Male and female He created them.

You see God is distinctly three (Father, Son, Spirit), and yet in divine communion He is echad.  Coming together in the act of sex makes us echad. Coming together as male and female, joined in fellowship with each other and God, we are echad.

Ladies, sex is spiritual.

It is another way that we can offer our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God (Romans 12:1-2), when we participate in sex within the boundaries our Creator has set instead of becoming conformed to this world. So beloved, don’t let the enemy of your soul convince you that “gettin freaky” with your husband is dirty or unholy. When husband and wife enjoy each other in the marriage bed… it is undefiled… it is holy to the Lord.

Why do you think Satan uses sex so? Why do you think it has always been involved in the worship of false gods?

Think about it.

Today your challenge is to celebrate you femaleness! Today your challenge is to help your daughters celebrate their femaleness and help your sons celebrate their maleness 🙂

Not in the worlds way… but in God’s divine design way.

This year, 2014, on the television show American Idol they had two very obviously “gay” contenders. However, when it came down to deciding which group the two would compete in, whether the boy group or the girl group, this was not decided upon according to their sexual orientation, but according to the distinctly male and female that God created them within the womb of a woman… that belongs only to a woman.

He created us in His image, distinctly male and distinctly female. He created us in such a way that we display the echad of God Himself to the world. We see this illustrated in the creation of marriage in Genesis and we also see this in unity of the called out church… so even in our singleness we are able to glorify the unity of our God.

The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.

John 17:22-23

 

If you have ever heard me share about the first time I read through my Bible then you most likely have heard me share about my anger as I read in Genesis 19 about the time that Lot offered up his virgin daughters to be raped as an exchange for the two male visitors…

You would have also heard me share about how I threw my Bible down when I got to the book of Judges and read about the rape and murder of the man’s concubine, that he threw out the door to be raped, in order to protect himself.

I was so angry at God for allowing that and I confused the recording of the truth of sin within the Scriptures with God’s approval. Just because it is recorded doesn’t mean God was good with it, it simply means He is not doing any sugar-coating with truth and historical fact.

So with all this rape and incest and homosexuality and other “forms” of sex… how in the world could these acts be “yada” if “yada” is God’s word for sex?

Is sex just sex?

Is all sex the same?

Day Twenty-Seven

The answer to that question is found right there in Genesis 19…

So they made their father drink wine that night,

 and the firstborn went in and lay with her father;

and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.

Genesis 19:33

Thank God the word “lay” in Genesis 19:33 is not “yada“.

The word “lay” in Genesis 19:33 is “shakab” and it is described as a “euphemism of sexual intercourse” It’s often paired with the word sikba, which means “emission.” So basically, shakab means “to exchange body fluids”

So my friend, you see,

                            some sex is God’s sex. It’s yada.

Some sex is mere counterfeit. It’s shakab.

Makes sense now why sex outside of marriage is so unfulfilling and leaves you feeling empty and icky and awkward and dirty once the hormones have settled or the alcohol has worn off… you might as well have spent the evening spitting in each other’s mouth.

I’ve been there… I remember it… the saddest part was the way you can convince yourself that this time will be different but it isn’t… it never is and never will be.

Then the absolute worst part is the night that you have your first married sex… after the wedding… after the covenant has been formed and this is the man that has vowed to love you until death do you part and the full weight of what you gave away comes crashing on you in a wave of regret that almost crushes you… and the voice of the liar is right there ready to whisper his words of condemnation to drag you deeper into his pit.

So many marriages today begin already wounded by previous sexual mistakes… and most don’t even know that this is the root cause of the distrust, the lack of intimacy, the jealousies, the walls of self-preservation, and so on.

Oh how grateful I am for the grace of God and for His redemption and His restoration!

So maybe when you first saw shakab, you thought, well good, I can have “shakab” now and save “yada” for later…

Nope, wrong.

Sex can never be reduced to something purely physical. Eventually your emotions will catch up to you… You can try to reduce sex to a simple exchange of body fluids and treat it casually, but reality will catch up with you… Treating sex solely as a physical act has disastrous consequences that our culture rarely acknowledges in its careless approach to female sexuality.

The Miley, Britneys, and Beyonces of the world are rewarded for acting like tramps. They make millions of dollars for shocking shenanigans. But if you act like a tramp, you’ll be trashed and find yourself taking the Walk of Shame, not the Walk of Fame.

Why?

Because what our culture sells us is not real sex. It’s not yada. It’s shakab.

Ladies please do not think that it is just the act of Bill Clinton’s definition of sexual relations that wounds you… I hope as you have gone through this challenge you have realized how important it is to protect your heart and your mind as well as your body… if you are going to protect your soul. And it is the very core of your soul that his hurt by sexual sin.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

Shall I then take away the members of Christ

and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 

Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute

is one body with her?

For He says, “THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” 

But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 

Flee immorality.

Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body,

but the immoral man sins against his own body.

1 Corinthians 6:15-18

 

There is no such thing as friends with benefits or just casual sex… God did not wire us that way. God designed our bodies to respond to our marriage beds with addiction. Your brain is designed to crave your spouse. Your limbic system was set up to store his smell, his cologne, the way his voice sounds when he whispers your name, it was designed to crave his touch and his presence and he yours. You were designed to become one— body, mind, and soul.

When you allow your limbic system to get “addicted” to someone who is not your spouse… you go through real withdrawals. It’s the reason you keep going back to him even though you know he treats you like crap. It’s the reason you walk down the isle even though you know God is not in it. You are as addicted to him as any junkie is his drug. You become super-glued to them with dopamine and you didn’t even have to “go all the way” for the gluing to take place. It could have just been deep kissing and roaming hands, but skin to skin with emotional arousal is all it takes for the glue to stick.

Even if you never “get caught” physically with a disease or pregnancy, you will not escape the emotional pain that will follow any and all sex outside of the God designed marriage bed. No matter what the world teaches you… you do not have meaningless sex like an animal… you are not an animal… you were created in the image of God.

When God says you are playing with fire… he means it.

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;

And reproofs for discipline are the way of life 

To keep you from the evil woman,

From the smooth tongue of the adulteress. 

Do not desire her beauty in your heart,

Nor let her capture you with her eyelids. 

For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread,

And an adulteress hunts for the precious life. 

Can a man take fire in his bosom

And his clothes not be burned? 

Or can a man walk on hot coals

And his feet not be scorched? 

So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;

Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.

Proverbs 6:23-29

Oh and by the way, let us remember that if this is not your spouse, even if they are no one else’s spouse at the moment… chances are good they will be one day… so you are STILL messing with somebody else’s spouse.

Dannah shares about the many girls she counseled in her ministry and she says: These girls had been having fun in the moment. They weren’t abused or forced. They liked the physical act of sex, but when the guys were gone and the high from the brain chemicals wore off, they were left with the sober reality that they’d been used. The aftermath was deep depression and often suicidal tendencies. 

Sex is serious business not a sales pitch. How sad it is that we have allowed our culture to make it so…

Today your challenge is to do something.

Send a letter, an email, make a call and let these advertising people know that they are selling a product not sex. And when they sell sex, it’s not even real sex… just a cheap counterfeit.

Let them know you don’t appreciate the way they shove shakab down your throat and your children’s throat… and it’s false advertising.

You wouldn’t stand for a product to use cocaine or meth as an incentive to buy their stuff? Why are we sitting back quietly and still buying the things that use sex to sell their goods? We live in the land of options. You have a choice. This is something that is just as deadly to the future of our children… and truth be known, it’s most likely the reason many of them are caught in the web of drugs and alcohol… think about it.

I sent mine to Hardees… where’s yours gonna go?

 

Just yesterday, (as in March 10th 2014), I was talking with a beautiful new friend of mine about a ministry that she feels the Lord is calling her family deeper into… she attended a conference concerning this ministry. She shared that she sat in a class under a man who shared about his ministry to help rescued girls from the sex trafficking trade, and taking these rescued girls in, and working with them with hope against hope that Our God of the impossible could restore this child’s heart and soul and mind.

As I talked with her she shared of the horror of one of their girls who had been used by her parents to get money beginning at the age of 3 and then was sold by her parents at the age of 7. Those who sold her locked her in a room with no windows and threw her food on the floor to her and allowed her to be violated for four year before she was rescued at the age of 11…

So beloved the next time you consider watching that movie, or looking at that website, or reading that book, or taking a big bite out of that Hooters shrimp or that Hardees sandwich… those that use sex to sell these things… are controlled by the same spirit that used sex to make money off this precious child… 

So beloved… write that letter… choose not to support this sexual exploitation and choose to take a real stand against it… and pray beloved… PRAY.

 

 

Yesterday we learned that the word yada is used in the Old Testament over 900 times… we talked about how it is the word that God uses when He tells us that Adam lay with Eve. It is also the same word that God uses to share that Rebekah was very beautiful and had never lain with a man. It is the word that God used to share that Elkanah lay with Hannah and He remembered her and she conceived.

(Hearing the word “lay” in God’s spectrum makes our worldly term “get laid” sound quite repulsive, doesn’t it?)

Well today we are going to talk about the relationship that God most uses the word yada to describe.

Day Twenty-Six

Ready?

Trust me this is going to be good… 

Be still and yada that I am God.

Psalm 46:10 

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So the LORD said to Moses,

“I will also do this thing that you have spoken;

for you have found grace in My sight,

and I yada you by name,”

Exodus 33:17

Is your heart pounding yet?

Do you see now how Adam and Eve were in the garden with God and they were naked and they were not ashamed?

We see naked and we usually think nudity… and that’s it.

But it was so much more than that. Yada transcends the physical. It describes the whole knowing of a person… not just their body, but their hearts, their minds, and their souls. It means no secrets and nothing is held back. Before sin entered the world Adam and Eve were naked in the garden before God. They had no secrets with each other and they were not trying to hide secrets from God…

This is the love life we are beckoned to in Christ. We can once again be in the garden with our God and be naked and not be ashamed.

I want you to go back now and read Psalm 139  again, because now you can do so with the awareness that when you read the word “know” you are reading “yada”…

O LORD, you have searched me and known me…

Psalm 139:1

Just as a young romantic dreams of his or her future lover, God dreamed of you. Before you were born, His heart longed for you. God has “before love” for you. He has sought you, and He is seeking you. Those are facts. Let’s make every effort not to confuse our lack of feeling God’s presence with a lack of His presence. And beyond that, my friend, let me encourage you to step out of- or never step into- the same pit of Satan’s lies I once was drowning in when I believed that my past made me unworthy of God’s desire and love. It’s simply not true…

Precious one, never forget who you are in Him…

                 and never forget where you were when He called you…

He loved you then,

            He loved you before then,

 and He loved you still even after then… and He loves you now.

Now, in this moment, you are the focus of the passionate and unconditional love of God. He loves you with His entire Being. You have all of His love as if you were the only human being in existence. And He loves you because you exist without reference to your behavior. Understand and live in that reality, and behavior will change in response to such infinite love that leaves us in worshipping wonder. 

~ Malcolm Smith    

Get this: The ache in your heart to be known by and to truly know one man was placed in you to be a revelation of a much deeper love. When you are in intimate physical and emotional communion with your husband, it will be a mere picture of the passionate love of a God who has been seeking your heart since before you were born.

We live in a day of artificiality.

We have artificial sweetener, artificial nails, artificial hair, artificial colors…

We have fake food, fake diamonds, fake furs, fake money, fake lips, fake boobs, fake profiles, fake friends…

We have imitation purses, imitation art, imitation wood, imitation pearls…

We live in a day of cheap fake, artificial, imitations.

We live in a day of counterfeits… and love is no exception.

Honey, don’t settle for the imitation when the Creator of the universe stands before you with open arms welcoming you into the REAL GENUINE TRUE thing. 

Don’t be wooed away from the Lover of your soul by the seductions of the world and the lies of the one who rules here… you are worth more than that. You were worth dying for… He considered you more precious to Him than His own glory, for He laid it aside to come chasing after you. He wants to captivate and capture your heart and sweep you off your feet and carry you off to His kingdom to be His pure and holy and undefiled bride.

Just spend tonight thinking about that and about Him…

What are some of the cliches you have heard that are supposed to encourage you or at least shame you into saving yourself for the honeymoon?

“Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free?”

“If you want it, you better put a ring on it”

 

(As I repost this, I am reminded of a recent car commercial)

 

(It’s cute, but there it is in 2014… that- you can’t touch this, that- keep your hands to yourself, that- no hugging, no kissing til I get a wedding band)

We’ve all heard so many trite cliches through the years. “It’s a gift you can only unwrap once” and “You can become a recycled virgin” come to mind. Something in me just doesn’t like the idea of comparing virginity to a milk carton. But all these repeated messages about “protecting God’s gift of sex” still leave many wondering why? Why does God want it protected? 

~ Dannah Gresh

Yeh, but why, what’s the big deal really?

Day Twenty-Five

In the back of your head you hear the cliche and then you look over there and they are having sex, and they are having sex, and well they are having sex… and lightning has not struck and God has not struck them with a disease and they seem perfectly content and carefree with it all. They are even excited that they just found out they are pregnant and they are not even married, but everybody is hugging her and is excited for her???

And your daughters and sons are wondering the very same thing?

So why?

Why should you, why should they, wait when it looks like absolutely no one else around is? If you are single again after a marriage… does it even matter?

Yes it does… and this is why:

YADA!

Yes, that’s right yada.

Adam lay with his wife Eve,

and she became pregnant 

Genesis 4:1

Okay… so yeh, as Dannah said he was so not just layin’ there!

The word lay in the Hebrew is “yada.“

This is the Hebrew word for sex. It means “to know, to be known, to be deeply respected.” This is what God thinks about sex. It is designed to be something that causes us to be deeply known by another. It doesn’t have anything to do with the actual physical act of sex, it centered on the deep emotional connection and quenching that we yearn for…

Ladies think about it… is it really the physical touch you crave… or is it really a deep emotional caress that you are crying out for?   

What really drives you over the edge and makes your head spin and your heart pound?

Is it when he touches you…

                                 or is it when he took the time to study you and to really get to know you…

when he knew what color your eyes where, your favorite color, was it not when he remembered something you said?

Or when he was able to buy you that gift that you had never even mentioned wanting out loud… he just knew you would want it… because he had taken the time and the effort to know you… just you?

YADA!

Married ladies… when does your husband look at you in amazement? 

Is it really when you strut out and blow him away with your sex kitten prowl… or is it when he knows that you know him, really know him, yet still deeply respect him and you show that deep respect in your willing submission to his leading of your family? Is it not when you show sincere interest and real respect for his work and the efforts he makes to provide for your family?

YADA!

Based on the world’s view of sex knowing and respecting each other has nothing to do with sex… it’s just physical… but an emotional knowing and deep respect are essential ingredients to an intimate, lifelong connection. Mingle the two- an emotional knowing and a deep respect- and you have yada.  

The word yada is used more than 900 times in the Old Testament.

Dannah shares a story in her book about a guy names Wes and girl named Stephanie… let me share it with you.

Trust me this one is a tear jerker!

Wes first saw Stephanie at a Pure Freedom  for teens. Wes said he loved her the moment he saw her. When he approached Stephanie to ask her out on a date she informed him that after a very bad relationship in 9th grade, her heart had been wooed by Jesus, and she was only dating Him through out the  rest of high school… which was three more years.

Three years. No guys. Just God.

Well Wes went and had a little talk with God about this. You see Wes loved Jesus too. When Wes went and talked to Jesus about how he felt about Stephanie and God let Wes know that He was courting Stephanie, and Wes needed to back off and give Him His courting time with Stephanie.

Wes obliged.

But for the next three years Wes never stopped loving Stephanie. He stayed friends with her, would touch base every now and then. During this time he was asked out by other girls… but he said no… He was waiting on Stephanie, even though she had no clue that he was.

On May 24, 2008 Wes saw Stephanie again… she was about to graduate high school. 

Then on June 1, 2008 after Stephanie had graduated high school Wes came to see Stephanie. And that’s when he brought them out… the gifts.

One for each Christmas that he’d loved her.  

                                      One for each birthday that he’d loved her.

And a journal that expressed his emotional pursuit of her… three years of giving her over to God and giving himself over to God as he waited for God to give him permission to show his love to Stephanie.

YES THIS IS A TRUE STORY!

For from days of old they have not heard or perceived by ear,

 Nor has the eye seen a God besides You,

Who acts in behalf of the one who waits for Him.

 Isaiah 64:4

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but just as it is written,

“ THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD,

AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN,

ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM.”

1 Corinthians 2:9

This is why sex is worth waiting for… it’s for YADA.

Let’s dump the cliches, let’s dump the lies, and let us walk in Truth.

Your challenge today:

              if you are married, are you still getting to know your spouse? Ladies, how is your respect toward your husband? Does he know that you respect him? Do you respect him? Is yada a part of your marriage? Maybe you need to make the first move in getting to know your husband all over again…

           if you are single… wait on Him. Are you willing to give the object of your heart over to God? Are you willing to date Jesus only, to let the Creator of the universe court you and then bring “the one” to you? Are you willing to say no to relationships that you know are not God’s will for you in order to wait for yada?     

I am not promising you that if you wait then every marriage will be a Wes and Stephanie experience, but I can promise you that if you wait, if you choose to do things God’s way, wherever you’re at right now… if you choose to submit and surrender your heart to Christ and trust HIM and show that trust by walking in obedience to what HE tells you… then you will experience the love and grace and mercy of the God who is LOVE, who does KNOW you, and yet LOVES you with a love that you cannot even wrap your human mind around. Then you can be a part of HIS great love story and there is no lack of the possibility of what He can do in your marriage… in your singleness… in your life.

 

I am a biblical woman who loves God’s Word and feasts on it each day. I am a sinful woman who has been healed by the perfecting love of my Savior. I am a wife and mother who is honored to serve the Father in those roles. I am an author empowered by the Holy Spirit to write and live out Truth. I am a girl who occasionally watches The Ellen Show, and I think she’s sweet and funny and generous. And that’s where it starts to get complicated- when my private, God-loving self interacts with a real world that doesn’t acknowledge Him as God. Just like you, I am trying to live out my faith in a very crazy world.

~ Dannah Gresh

Day Twenty-Four 

These last ten days I am going to begin pulling from Dannah Gresh’s book What Are You Waiting For. I wanted to start with Shannon Ethridge’s book because it was geared more to married women, and I am a firm believer that God wants us to have amazing marriages. He wants us to experience a level of intimacy in our marriages that somehow helps us understand how up-close and intimate He intends to be with us.

I also believe with all my heart that God can take a marriage that is already hanging off the ledge of destruction and when even just one of the two is willing to let both hands go of the ledge and grab on to God’s hand and refuse to let go… that God can in His power and might and ability to make messes into beautiful miracles pull them both to safety… because after all you are united as one flesh.

I believe many marriages fall apart because we usually are not willing to see our own part in the mess. All we want to see is the part that will justify our choice to be done, to be free of the pain, the hurt, the hassle. It’s easier to see the other’s fault in the mess than our own, especially when we use the excuse that our actions are simply the results or effects of the other’s actions… the whole “well if they, then I wouldn’t have” thing.

We usually want what we have decided is the greener grass because we didn’t have to do any of the work to make it green. Here’s the thing, God wants our grass to be just as green… but sometimes it takes a bunch of “crap” to get beautiful green grass.

Sometimes it has to be set on fire and burnt almost to death in order for the beautiful new green to work its way up through the ashes.

Sometimes it has to have poisons thrown out on it to destroy the weeds that keep creeping up in it and sometimes it has to babied… with extra seed and water and tended often… especially in a dry season.

Green grass takes work…

So we started with Every Woman’s Battle and we ended yesterday with our prayer for God to show us who we needed as an accountability partner. Ladies even if you are not struggling at this time with emotional or sexual integrity… you still need accountability. You need it in so many areas of your life.

Maybe your struggle is staying in the Word, maybe it’s attending church, maybe it’s losing it with your kids, maybe it’s laziness at work, maybe it’s food, maybe it’s health maintenance, maybe it’s stepping out in obedience in a particular ministry. It doesn’t matter what we are struggling with, God built and designed His church that we might be accountable to one another and Him. You need women in your life who know they have the freedom to pull you aside and say… “Honey, I have noticed…”

However, the focus of this Thirty-three Day Challenge remains sexual and emotional integrity. As I watch our nation crumble in moral decay, and as I see that decay alive and well and working in our churches, I am beyond saddened. A little piece of my heart breaks every time a marriage fails because of emotional and sexual compromise.  A little piece of my heart breaks every time I hear of the youth group couple that is sexually active. A little piece of my heart breaks every time I hear of the youth group boy that has playboy’s under his bed and him and half the other youth group guys head off to Hooter’s for some wings. A little piece of my heart breaks when I hear what movies the girls in the church are watching or what music they are listening to or what books they are reading…

I have to confess, that my own personal litmus as to whether or not I think you need Jesus is “where are you sexually?” This is my plumb line. This is where I will begin my fruit inspection as to whether or not you are a genuine sincere believer, especially if you tell me you are called to the ministry or are already in the ministry.

When I was first wholly surrendered I thought everyone was like me. If they claimed to be a Christian and yet had sex outside of marriage then I, with all my heart, thought they were as deceived as I was and really were not saved.

Now I have learned to extend grace in this area and I now know that yes, someone can be a Christian, can be really saved, and struggling in this area. So I have learned to not doubt their salvation so easily, but here’s the thing… they still need Jesus or at least they still need more of Jesus. They still need TRUTH.

Which is why as much as it breaks my heart to see those who compromise their integrity… it breaks my heart even more and makes it fall with a thud to a floor, when I hear those who profess to be Christians call someone else a whore, a slut, a fag… just because they have decided that what “they” are doing is worse than what they are doing.

All it takes is one walk down the halls to hear it.

All it takes is five minutes in the break room to hear it.

All it takes is one “prayer” meeting to hear it.

And as the targets of the judgments and gossip hear it… their invisible walls of self-protection get higher, thicker, and harder. God’s truth is heart-blocked by our gossip and harsh judgments.

Heart-blocking is Satan’s job… that is his work.

Who are you working for? 

So- as we who call ourselves Christians,

we biblical women who are learning to feast on God’s Word daily,

we sinful women who have fallen but are being restored and perfected by the love of our Savior,

we women who want with all our hearts to do all we can to keep our daughters and the other young women in our lives from making the insane mistake of believing the lies of Satan instead of the truth of God… let us be real.

Let us not tell sister-so-and-so about Betty-Jo’s affair, let us go to Betty-Jo and pull Betty-Jo aside and offer her our sincere help in bringing her before the throne of grace. Let us not joke in the break room about how Floozy-Suzie wore those clothes into work yesterday, wonder who she went home with after the office party last night… let us instead go to Floozy-Suzie one-on-one and tell her about real Love. She may not know it exists. Let us not join in our daughters conversation of condemnation about the new lesbian couple in school, let us instead teach her how to share the gospel and love them without getting caught up in the sin themselves…

Don’t get me wrong… I know Jezebel is out there.

 But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel,

who calls herself a prophetess,

and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray

so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. 

I gave her time to repent,

and she does not want to repent of her immorality.

Revelation 2:20-21

…but I will let God take care of her, I will just offer everyone grace and mercy as freely as He offered it to me and at the same time I will be careful not to fall into temptation in the process…

 Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass,

you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness;

each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. 

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:1-2

That is our end goal of this challenge. To become women of emotional and sexual integrity who are strong enough by and through His grace to be used by Him in our own weaknesses to reach out to those that God has allowed to cross our path and show them the Way of Peace.

Are you still with me????

We are one day away from the ten day stretch to finish the race of this thirty-three day challenge. We have spent the past three weeks weeding through deception. I hope that these past few weeks have been an opportunity to pull up some if not all of the lies that had been growing and thriving inside of you by their root. I hope that it has been a time of blind eyes being opened and a time of oh’s, that’s why’s, and now I get it’s. I also hope it has been a time of training. A time of learning the right tools to keep you from falling into the snare of the enemy of our souls.

If this has been a time like that, and you have experienced freedom and you want to stay free, but you are done lying to yourself and you know you can’t do this on your own, then what you need at the very least is an accountability partner.

If you need more help… go get it. There are churches all over your area with Christian counselors who would love to be there for you and would love to be allowed to be used by God to help restore your soul.

In light of that, our focus today is accountability partners.

 Day Twenty-Three 

Do you want to be able to be able to say no to worldly passions?

To live a self-controlled, upright and godly life?

To be purified as God’s very own?

To be eager to do what is good?

 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, 

instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires

and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, 

looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory

of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, 

who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed,

and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession,

zealous for good deeds.

Titus 2:11-14

Well there you go…

The answer is GRACE 🙂

So many today think that grace is just the “Oh that’s okay… I understand… I hate the sin… but I love the sinner.” But the problem is… most of the time we really don’t hate the sin.

Let me ask you?

Do you hate spiders?

What would you want someone to do if they saw a spider crawling up your back and into your hair?

Let’s say that unknown to you a spider is crawling up you back. You are just walking along in the mall lost in your own little world and then out of no where some person jumps on you and grabs you by the hair and almost knocks you out trying to get to that spider and then after the dust is settled and you, still clueless about the spider, are about ready to KILL the person for jumping on you… and then… They turn around in desperation and show the dead brown lacrose spider that was about to crawl in your ear.

Would you hit them out of anger for hurting you in the process of trying to get to that spider or would you hug them and say “oh! thank you! thank you!” ?

Now let me ask you again…

Do you hate sin?

Grace is the gateway to faith and faith is the way of salvation… Grace is power and strength and might, it is not weak and wishy-washy. Remember that it was the grace of God that put Christ on that cross. He loved the sinner so much that He showed us how much He hated the sin by the stripes on His Son… this is what it took, but God never once stopped loving His Son.

So before you go to hating someone who has clearly pointed out sin in your life…even in a not so nice way or “Christian” way… first ask yourself and ask God… are they right?

Getting the poisonous spiders out of our hair by a stranger or friend who is not going to be one of those who just stands by and watches without helping or warning, may not be fun or comfortable it might be flat-out painful… but at least they didn’t choose to sit back and watch… and then report the news after your destruction…

“well I knew it was coming, I sat right over there and watched that spider crawl right up her britches leg and up her back and that sucker headed right to her ear and then, wham, it bit her! Sure hate that it happened, but you know I ain’t one to get in someone else’s business…” 

Let me ask you again?

Do you hate sin?

If the answer is yes, you need an accountability partner/partners. You need godly women in your life that you know are not afraid to get the spider out of your hair even if their methods end up shocking you or even hurting you.

Perhaps it will be a friend or a sister, a teacher, a counselor, or a mentor. While you may be tempted to look for someone who can sympathize with you, you may have more long-term success with someone who isn’t struggling herself or who has already overcome such a struggle. Hitching two weak oxen together to plow a field is not nearly as effective as hitching a weak ox with a strong ox.

~ Shannon Ethridge

When you are praying about an accountability partner you do not want someone who is in the same boat you are. Yes, it is fine to have those women,we need those women, but those ladies are your “support group” not your “accountability partners”. The support group is there to help you realize you are not alone, but if this is your only source of help, then you might just find yourself surrounded with people that only say,

“Oh girl, I know, I am right there with you, no matter what I try I just keep on falling”

Yet they never say,

“NO girl, I KNOW, you don’t have to stay here, you are stronger than that and by all means Christ in you is stronger than that, now get up on your feet and let’s go”  

See the difference?

When you have a mentor who can show you how to thrive on a diet of humility, you may discover a healing change in your appetite. Remember we can not sin and win. If there is sexual or emotional sin in your life, you must starve it to death. You can’t just “trim it down” or it will just grow right back, even larger than before. Sin must be cut out completely. 

Your boasting is not good.

Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?

 Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump,

just as you are in fact unleavened.

For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed.

1 Corinthians 5:6-7

So don’t boast about how you trimmed out some of the stuff that was causing you to fall and causing you to grieve the heart of God, when you have in full awareness chosen to hang on to the sins you “like” to much to stop…

Admit to God that you “like” this one… and get to work with that mentor, that accountability partner, get on your face before your God and ask Him to help you hate it.

He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit,
And he who cares for his master will be honored.

Proverbs 27:18

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 Now in the morning, when He was returning to the city, He became hungry. 

Seeing a lone fig tree by the road, He came to it

and found nothing on it except leaves only;

and He said to it, “No longer shall there ever be any fruit from you.”

And at once the fig tree withered.

Seeing this, the disciples were amazed and asked,

“How did the fig tree wither all at once?” 

And Jesus answered and said to them,

“Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt,

you will not only do what was done to the fig tree,

but even if you say to this mountain,

‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ it will happen. 

And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

Matthew 21:20-22

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As they were passing by in the morning,

they saw the fig tree withered from the roots up. 

Being reminded, Peter said to Him,

“Rabbi, look, the fig tree which You cursed has withered.” 

And Jesus answered saying to them, “Have faith in God.

Mark 11:20-22

Here’s the bottom line… if you tend to the fig tree (sin) then you will eat it’s fruit… but if you care for your master (Jesus) then you will be honored. When you stop tending to the fig tree it will stop bearing fruit and then you will realize this fig tree was worthless all along and you can curse it and then God will destroy it from the roots up… and as you walk by faith in your God and His Christ, it will never bear fruit in you again.

Who/what are you going to choose to care for?

It’s up to you… as Jesus said… Have faith in God, and whatever you curse will be cursed.

Trust, me you can do this. Christ came that you might have life and victory.

You were born again for this!

Fear…

Today’s focus is fear.

This is something that God has finally gotten through to me on… If fear is controlling me then His Spirit is not.

I finally realized that at the root of most of my stupid choices, at the root of most of the sin in my life, as a lost woman and as a redeemed child of God, was fear. Fear of being left out, fear of being not wanted, fear of being hurt, fear of being afraid, fear of people knowing, fear of disappointing people, fear of letting people know I was afraid… crazy, stupid, fear.

Day Twenty-Two 

As many times as God proclaimed “Fear not…” it is obvious that fear is a major hindrance to the Christian life. Why is it such a hindrance? Because fear is the opposite of faith. When we focus on our fear rather than having faith in God to deliver us from evil, we are much more likely to lose the battle for sexual and emotional integrity. How can we focus on what we know God will do when we think we are doomed? Such lack of faith says to God, “Even though you’ve carried me this far, you are probably going to fail me now, aren’t you?”

~ Shannon Ethridge

Sometimes we can be in such hurt that the only escape we see is through sin… and that is because we are looking through our eyes and not God’s.

Sometimes we can be in such hurt that the only thing we can think about is relief, even if it is for only a moment, and well sin is usually easily available, quick to get to, and yes, sin’s relief will last for a moment… but only a moment… and then it comes crashing down and it brings an even heavier hurt… that you, once again, reach to sin to numb.

We choose moments over eternity.

God has offered us eternal freedom,

but most often we instead choose the short leash of sin’s chains.

Because it is quick, it helps at the time, and we, in our eyes, either actually think it might work or see no other possibility.

How many women compromise their integrity and do what they know in the depth of their being is against God and His truth because they fear “he” will leave them if they don’t. We do not see that we are choosing the approval of man over the approval of our Creator God.

How many women cross the line, and then they draw a new line. Then they cross that line, so they draw still another line, then another line, and another… because they fear not being wanted or they fear the repercussions of standing firm on their “no”?

How many women stay in an absolutely horrible relationship and fight to the death for it… and this person has not even loved them enough to make them his through the covenant of marriage… yet they fight to keep him… even though he destroys their confidence, destroys their strength, destroys their integrity, stomps on their heart, and is cruel to them (and possibly even their children), yet they stay because they “love” him.?

This is not love… this is fear.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear,

because fear involves punishment,

and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

My seven year old daughter was riding with me the other day and it was just the two of us and she asked, “Momma, how will I know the man that God wants me to marry?” (Yes ladies at seven years old our daughters already are wondering about Mr Right… so define him to her now… before the Disney Channel and the little boys at school try to tell her who he is supposed to be)

I shared with her that she would know the man that God had chosen for her by looking for three main things:

1) He loved God more than he loved her

2) He was willing to give up his own life, his dreams, his toys, his pursuits, in order to make her his own, if that was what it took.

3) He will meet your Daddy’s approval. She could trust her Daddy’s judgment on the man. If her daddy did not approve, then he knew this man would not love her and care for her the way he was supposed to.

I told her if she set this as her standard… then she would know “the one” when God brought him into her life and it was time for her to marry him.

Let me ask you… are you currently in a “dating relationship” that doesn’t meet the above standards?

If so… why?

If you do not have an earthly father…

does your Heavenly Father approve of this relationship?

Is it one that honors Him?

Have you even asked Him about His thoughts on this relationship?

My ten year old daughter asked me one day “Momma, how do I know when God is talking to me and answering me when I pray and ask Him a question?”

(Yes, ladies, your ten year olds are seeking answers and direction from God, they have real hurts, real struggles, real issues, if we can teach them how to go before the throne of grace of now and seek help in their time of need… wow, that’s all I am going to say)

I shared with her that when she was seeking God’s will, when she was seeking direction, she needed to talk to Him with her Bible open. Have a conversation with Him as she turned and scanned the pages… most often He will answer and give guidance through His Word.  Sometimes God would also send another Christian to her to let her know what she needed to do. If she was really looking for God to answer and was going to do whatever He said… then she would know that it was Him.

Today, ask God to show you where fear is controlling you and not faith.

He will.

I don’t know about you, but I hate being afraid. I don’t watch scary movies because I believe they are another tool of the enemy to numb our sensitivity to our fears and they glorify hell and not my God. I don’t like the knot that fear puts in my stomach or the pounding that it puts in my ears and the thoughts that come with it… I don’t like it at all.

So many times we make bad choices because of our fear of the future. We don’t know what will happen or what we will do if we leave… if we walk away from this that we know… so we stay… even if all we experience is pain.

We don’t know where this other way leads so we keep to this path that we know even though we always end up in the same place…

God has called us out… yet we stay… paralyzed by our fear that He just might not be for real… He just might fail us… after all “look at all I have done… how could He actually and really want me and have good planned out for me… how could God actually use me?”  

Jesus opened your prison door. It’s up to you to walk out! How do you do this? By forgiving every person who has ever brought you pain, including yourself. If God does not despise you for the ways you have tried to fill the void in your heart, neither should you despise yourself.

~ Shannon Ethridge

Sometimes fear causes us to run away when we need to stay and fight.

In marriages… how many times do we walk away because we don’t see how God could ever fix the mess? How many times do we abandon the hope of healing because we fear one more day of living in our current circumstances and we, with our eyes, can not see any possible hope of change?

Please I beg you; I implore you, do not walk away unless you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that God is releasing you. Yes, if abuse is involved you most likely need a time of separation for healing to take place, sometimes leaving is what is needed for a wake-up call, but give your marriage time to heal before you call it quits.

Give your spouse time and opportunity for God’s redemptive work to take place in their life.

Don’t let fear make you stay, and don’t let fear make you go, be still and know that He is God and trust and obey Him not fear.

He said, “ I heard the sound of You in the garden,

and I was afraid because I was naked;

so I hid myself.”

Genesis 3:10

We have to decide that we won’t let fear control us any longer. We have to decide that we had rather be controlled by the Spirit of God. Then we have to obey His Word… and trust Him with the consequences. We have to not hide ourselves from Him, we have to come out and trust in His love.

The best place to start is admitting that you are afraid.

Ask God to show you exactly what you are afraid of, then confess this to God and ask Him to forgive you for letting fear lead you instead of Him.

You have to confess fear, it is sin, and there is only One who has the power to give us victory over sin…

…Christ in you, the hope of glory

Colossians 1:27

It is confession that cleanses and heals and restores the soul.

It is laying our hearts open and bare before the Lord.

It is trusting in the character and name of our God and not in our circumstances that brings us victory.

It is in surrender to His will and His way and walking in obedience to His Word that we find peace… real, lasting, eternal peace.

Today your challenge is to raise your white flag of surrender because…

 …the white flag you will be waving as you surrender your past pain, present pride, and future fear is not a symbol of defeat. It is a symbol of victory, for it represents purity. You will be washed clean of all compromise as you allow God to transform you- heart and mind- into a woman who forgives her debtors, walks in humility, and faces the future with confidence in her Creator and Sustainer. White is your color, girlfriend! Post it proudly and enjoy the peacefulness and fulfillment of sweet surrender to the Savior.

~ Shannon Ethridge

Oh precious one, choose to surrender to, and to exalt your God… not your fear.