Not All Sex Is The Same



If you have ever heard me share about the first time I read through my Bible then you most likely have heard me share about my anger as I read in Genesis 19 about the time that Lot offered up his virgin daughters to be raped as an exchange for the two male visitors…

You would have also heard me share about how I threw my Bible down when I got to the book of Judges and read about the rape and murder of the man’s concubine, that he threw out the door to be raped, in order to protect himself.

I was so angry at God for allowing that and I confused the recording of the truth of sin within the Scriptures with God’s approval. Just because it is recorded doesn’t mean God was good with it, it simply means He is not doing any sugar-coating with truth and historical fact.

So with all this rape and incest and homosexuality and other “forms” of sex… how in the world could these acts be “yada” if “yada” is God’s word for sex?

Is sex just sex?

Is all sex the same?

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Day Twenty-Seven

The answer to that question is found right there in Genesis 19

So they made their father drink wine that night,

 and the firstborn went in and lay with her father;

and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose.

Genesis 19:33

Thank God the word “lay” in Genesis 19:33 is not “yada“.

The word “lay” in Genesis 19:33 is “shakab” and it is described as a “euphemism of sexual intercourse” It’s often paired with the word sikba, which means “emission.” So basically, shakab means “to exchange body fluids

So my friend, you see,

                            some sex is God’s sex. It’s yada.

Some sex is mere counterfeit. It’s shakab.

Makes sense now why sex outside of marriage is so unfulfilling and leaves you feeling empty and icky and awkward and dirty once the hormones have settled or the alcohol has worn off… you might as well have spent the evening spitting in each other’s mouth.

I’ve been there… I remember it… the saddest part was the way you can convince yourself that this time will be different but it isn’t… it never is and never will be.

Then the absolute worst part is the night that you have your first married sex… after the wedding… after the covenant has been formed and this is the man that has vowed to love you until death do you part and the full weight of what you gave away comes crashing on you in a wave of regret that almost crushes you… and the voice of the liar is right there ready to whisper his words of condemnation to drag you deeper into his pit.

So many marriages today begin already wounded by previous sexual mistakes… and most don’t even know that this is the root cause of the distrust, the lack of intimacy, the jealousies, the walls of self-preservation, and so on.

Oh how grateful I am for the grace of God and for His redemption and His restoration!

So maybe when you first saw shakab, you thought, well good, I can have “shakab” now and save “yada” for later…

Nope, wrong.

Sex can never be reduced to something purely physical. Eventually your emotions will catch up to you… You can try to reduce sex to a simple exchange of body fluids and treat it casually, but reality will catch up with you… Treating sex solely as a physical act has disastrous consequences that our culture rarely acknowledges in its careless approach to female sexuality.

The Miley, Britneys, and Beyonces of the world are rewarded for acting like tramps. They make millions of dollars for shocking shenanigans. But if you act like a tramp, you’ll be trashed and find yourself taking the Walk of Shame, not the Walk of Fame.


Because what our culture sells us is not real sex. It’s not yada. It’s shakab.

Ladies please do not think that it is just the act of Bill Clinton’s definition of sexual relations that wounds you… I hope as you have gone through this challenge you have realized how important it is to protect your heart and your mind as well as your body… if you are going to protect your soul. And it is the very core of your soul that his hurt by sexual sin.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

Shall I then take away the members of Christ

and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! 

Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute

is one body with her?


But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 

Flee immorality.

Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body,

but the immoral man sins against his own body.

1 Corinthians 6:15-18


There is no such thing as friends with benefits or just casual sex… God did not wire us that way. God designed our bodies to respond to our marriage beds with addiction. Your brain is designed to crave your spouse. Your limbic system was set up to store his smell, his cologne, the way his voice sounds when he whispers your name, it was designed to crave his touch and his presence and he yours. You were designed to become one— body, mind, and soul.

When you allow your limbic system to get “addicted” to someone who is not your spouse… you go through real withdrawals. It’s the reason you keep going back to him even though you know he treats you like crap. It’s the reason you walk down the isle even though you know God is not in it. You are as addicted to him as any junkie is his drug. You become super-glued to them with dopamine and you didn’t even have to “go all the way” for the gluing to take place. It could have just been deep kissing and roaming hands, but skin to skin with emotional arousal is all it takes for the glue to stick.

Even if you never “get caught” physically with a disease or pregnancy, you will not escape the emotional pain that will follow any and all sex outside of the God designed marriage bed. No matter what the world teaches you… you do not have meaningless sex like an animal… you are not an animal… you were created in the image of God.

When God says you are playing with fire… he means it.

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching is light;

And reproofs for discipline are the way of life 

To keep you from the evil woman,

From the smooth tongue of the adulteress. 

Do not desire her beauty in your heart,

Nor let her capture you with her eyelids. 

For on account of a harlot one is reduced to a loaf of bread,

And an adulteress hunts for the precious life. 

Can a man take fire in his bosom

And his clothes not be burned? 

Or can a man walk on hot coals

And his feet not be scorched? 

So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;

Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.

Proverbs 6:23-29

Oh and by the way, let us remember that if this is not your spouse, even if they are no one else’s spouse at the moment… chances are good they will be one day… so you are STILL messing with somebody else’s spouse.

Dannah shares about the many girls she counseled in her ministry and she says: These girls had been having fun in the moment. They weren’t abused or forced. They liked the physical act of sex, but when the guys were gone and the high from the brain chemicals wore off, they were left with the sober reality that they’d been used. The aftermath was deep depression and often suicidal tendencies. 

Sex is serious business not a sales pitch. How sad it is that we have allowed our culture to make it so…

Today your challenge is to do something.

Send a letter, an email, make a call and let these advertising people know that they are selling a product not sex. And when they sell sex, it’s not even real sex… just a cheap counterfeit.

Let them know you don’t appreciate the way they shove shakab down your throat and your children’s throat… and it’s false advertising.

You wouldn’t stand for a product to use cocaine or meth as an incentive to buy their stuff? Why are we sitting back quietly and still buying the things that use sex to sell their goods? We live in the land of options. You have a choice. This is something that is just as deadly to the future of our children… and truth be known, it’s most likely the reason many of them are caught in the web of drugs and alcohol… think about it.

I sent mine to Hardees… where’s yours gonna go?


Just yesterday, (as in March 10th 2014), I was talking with a beautiful new friend of mine about a ministry that she feels the Lord is calling her family deeper into… she attended a conference concerning this ministry. She shared that she sat in a class under a man who shared about his ministry to help rescued girls from the sex trafficking trade, and taking these rescued girls in, and working with them with hope against hope that Our God of the impossible could restore this child’s heart and soul and mind.

As I talked with her she shared of the horror of one of their girls who had been used by her parents to get money beginning at the age of 3 and then was sold by her parents at the age of 7. Those who sold her locked her in a room with no windows and threw her food on the floor to her and allowed her to be violated for four year before she was rescued at the age of 11…

So beloved the next time you consider watching that movie, or looking at that website, or reading that book, or taking a big bite out of that Hooters shrimp or that Hardees sandwich… those that use sex to sell these things… are controlled by the same spirit that used sex to make money off this precious child… 

So beloved… write that letter… choose not to support this sexual exploitation and choose to take a real stand against it… and pray beloved… PRAY.