The last post I shared from the National Center For Biblical Parenting was about the book I was reading from the parenting shifts series, Cultivating Responsibility which is written to aid parents in biblically parenting children 9 to 12 years old.

Awesome book.

Listen, let me get real with you for a moment… even if you don’t know about the whole Christian thing, even if you are not sure about Jesus and religion and all that… if you have kids… check out these books. For the sake of us who have been raised in the “Dr Spock” child rearing era… you need this information.

During our Mother’s Day Child Dedication our Pastor shared some interesting information about the introduction of the Dr Spock era to our world… I highly recommend it… the audio doesn’t pick up well until around 2 1/2 minutes in…

So Mom… Dad… by whose standards have you been parenting?

By man’s?

Or by God’s?

One of the most frustrating things that I have experienced in my service as a children’s minister was to know that I had awesome tools to offer parents with kids of ALL ages and for some reason parents with kids older than 8 or 9 years old seem to think they don’t need any parenting advice. They seem to believe this type of class is just for those parents with the tantrum throwing two year olds… but the ones with the tantrum throwing fourteen year olds… you know the ones that slam the doors, that stomp out of the room, that slam the phone down or throw it at whoever has taken it away in discipline, or roll their eyes, or scream, or punch wholes in the wall… Nah… apparently this is just the “teenage years” for them and they don’t need any parenting class.

So we just decide to continue on and carry that right on in to the next generation…

But just in case you are a parent that wants to end that generational curse of disrespect, angry outburst, irresponsibility, self-entitlement, etc… and you want some tools to improve your relationship with your teen and strengthen the unity of your family and stop giving the serpent of old a foothold in your home and in your heritage… then here is what is about to be offered for you from the NCBP… a whole toolbox full of information and practical helps focused on parenting teenagers.

This toolbox is in the launch process and I am a part of that launch. In order to help get the word out about this new product the NCBP is allowing me to offer to you an opportunity to win 1 full downloadable version of “The Family Toolbox” and the “Discussion Guide”

The Family Toolbox has 8 lessons. Each one has a 1-2 minute scene of a family living life and experiencing common challenges in their relationships. A discussion guide prompts dialogue between parents and teens and a 10-minute teaching session for parents featuring Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne MIller, RN, BSN gives practical tools to use right away.

As they work through the lessons with their parents, teens learn 16 Life Success Principles and parents learn valuable tools such as:

• How to focus on the heart instead of just behavior
• The cues you give that tell your children when you mean business
• Practical ways to remove conflict from the problems of family life
• How to end correction times with impact
• A tool for maximizing heart change in the correction process
• The value of teaching kids to accept no as an answer
• Ways to reduce anger episodes in children

See more at: Family Toolbox Info

To enter to win this giveaway just watch the preview video posted below and fill out the rafflecopter that follows.

Now here is the rafflecopter:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I will email the winner of the Toolbox giveaway on May 30th.

Now here’s the last thing… you can help support this launch as well. I hope will consider doing so… and please share this info with other parents and with your church ministry leaders.

Oh and also on May 30th the NCBP will be offering a free Kindle download of the Parenting Shift book Preschool Explorers on Amazon. So mark your calendars!

I remember the day I was laying in the hospital bed holding my newborn and then my two (almost three) year old walked in the hospital room. It hit me like a brick how big she was. I hadn’t even realized how grown up she was getting until I saw her that day in the context of my newborn. She wasn’t a baby anymore.

That is hard for a momma to swallow. However, whether I can swallow it or not the inevitable is going to happen… my babies were going to grow up. Physically their legs were going to grow longer, their hands and feet bigger, and their arms stronger. So now it was up to me and my husband to make sure that they also grew mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

The days of making excuses for bad behavior were well over. No longer could disobedience and disrespect be waved off with a well she’ just tired, she’s just hungry, she just doesn’t feel well, she doesn’t know better, etc. The time to teach that circumstances and the actions of others do not justify wrong doing and bad attitudes was here.

One of the biggest issues I see amongst kids today is the fact that many parents have never made much needed parenting shifts. Their children enter preschool, kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade and so on and their parents are still talking to them and making excuses for them like they were two years old. Do you have a clue how many sixteen year olds in our current culture have never even washed a load of clothes or attempted to cook anything more than a bag of microwave popcorn?

I have lost count of the times that I have been at the ball fields and have heard kids treating their parents like their own personal servants and the parents just jump at the kids beckon call. Then when the parent is slow moving in the kids command these kids have the audacity to talk demeaningly to their parents and their parents take it. I actually have begun to realize that they are so caught in the cycle of it, that they don’t even see it.

These parents have never made the parenting shift away from the newborn days when the kid cried and the parents feet hit the floor in urgency and went from diaper, to bottle, to nap, to thermometer trying to meet the needs of an infant.

Sadly we have preteens and teens and even college age kids who will become grown men and women who still have an infant mentality… if I cry and pout when you give me what I want then I’ll stop.

Appease me.

Make me happy.

Meet my needs.

Me. Me. Me.

The National Center for Biblical Parenting has tons of materials to help parents stop this cycle or if you are just now becoming parents, to never start it. They are running a special on one of their series now and it will run through the month of May.

Set of 5 Parenting Shifts Books by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller,  RN BSN

The Parenting Shifts Series gives specific parenting advice for each developmental stage. A team of experts, working together with Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, have collaborated to bring you the best in a heart-based approach to parenting at any age. Wherever you are in your parenting journey these books will help you move forward with confidence and effectiveness. Get the set of five books to add to your parenting library so you’re ready for each new stage. These books make a great addition to your church library as well.

Set Includes:

• The Baby Adventure (Birth to 12 Months)
• Toddlers on the Move (Ages 12-36 Months)
• Preschool Explorers (Ages 3-5 Years) 
• Elementary Foundations (Ages 5-8 Years)
• Cultivating Responsibility (Ages 9-12 Years) 

I am currently reading Cultivating Responsibility because my girls are 10 and 12. This book is really great. I have not read the other four but I have read enough of the NCBP material to know that whatever book you need to start with is going to be beneficial.

Here are the chapter titles of Cultivating Responsibility to give you an idea of what all is in this book.

As you can see from the titles of these chapters this is some good stuff! The chapters are short and manageable and each contains real life examples from real families.

As I have been reading through this book I have had to fight the urge to not repost the whole book on my FB page Proven Path Ministries. I will continue to post nuggets like:

“Remember that the success of a new venture is not the absence of mistakes. It’s how well you recover from them. Don’t hover. In fact, it might be best for you to walk away instead of nagging. You have to be willing to allow your child to learn from experience, and that usually means that you’ll end up helping by cleaning up the mess. If you are opposed to messes, then you may end up with weak kids who are afraid to take a risk.”

Excerpt From: Raudenbush, Julia. “Cultivating Responsibility.”

and like:

“Allowing kids to struggle can be helpful, but you’ll want to monitor the frustration level. The struggle is what teaches the character! When well-meaning parents constantly jump in to help, children cannot become independent problem solvers. Skills are developed by watching and doing, not just watching.

As you can see, problem solving involves several related skills and demonstrations of character. Children learn to think outside the box, look at the problem from various perspectives, and sometimes just dig in and do the work necessary to solve it. Learning takes place when kids are exposed to a process. Teachers often teach by setting goals, introducing skills, demonstrating, modeling, and practicing those skills, and then helping the child master them. 

Children demonstrate mastery of skills when they feel confident in what they are doing. This confidence comes from a sense of competency that’s best achieved through practice, and that usually requires work. So you, being the problem-solving coach for your child, can look for the roadblocks in your child’s thinking and provide new ways to attack the problems.

When children become problem solvers, they become the managers of their own lives. They command the respect of their peers and the recognition of their teachers. Parents move from disciplinarians and behavior managers to guides and mentors. This shift is important in establishing yourself as the go-to person for your child, especially as the teenage years approach. You want to act as a counselor or coach whenever possible.”

Excerpt From: Raudenbush, Julia. “Cultivating Responsibility.”

See.

Good stuff.

Parenting isn’t for sissies. This is a serious job with serious responsibility and can have serious consequences for us, our children, and yes our children’s children. It shouldn’t be taken lightly and it doesn’t have to be done by flying by the seat of our pants. It also doesn’t have to be trial an error.

That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 

Parents have been struggling at this raising kids thing since the beginning. Adam and Eve had issues with Cain and Able that ended in tragedy and Noah and his three sons dealt with stuff too. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Judah, Eli, David, and even Mary and Joseph… we have at our fingertips knowledge dealing with every parenting struggle under the sun. We just have to take the time to look past the circumstance into the heart issue behind it.

Moms and Dads we have a cloud of witnesses and a multitude of examples written and recorded for us.

My most favorite thing about the material at NCBP and I have shared it before, is that they teach us how to flesh out God’s Word in our parenting.  The Bible is not just for Sunday’s. It was never meant to be. It is a precious gift filled with examples and instructions for life here in this fallen world of ours.

Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.

1 Corinthians 10:11-12

If we think we don’t need THE Book to help us in this raising good godly kids thing… then I weep for us and I weep for our kids. If we are struggling with our kids and all we do is sit around in our mommy groups and compare whose kids is doing the best job of driving whoever crazy and yet we don’t take advantage of the plethora of information offered to us in this age of media overload… then shame on us.

Our kids tantrums might be funny at two and maybe even three, but when those tantrums become holes punched and kicked in our walls and doors or even physical and emotional and verbal abuse towards us and others… its not so funny anymore.

The fact that our twelve year old still expects us to fix their plate, fold their laundry, and clean their rooms isn’t quite so cute when they are now a thirty year old piled up in our living room playing an xbox expecting the same things.

We can’t wait until our kids are teenagers before we start expecting responsibility and maturity out of them. Teaching responsibility should begin the moment they have mobility. It should begin the moment they have strength to pick up and carry their own toys and sippy cup.

They are learning from the moment they enter this world… so parents let’s teach them.

**** On May 30th the Preschool Explorers book in the parenting shifts series will be available for free on Kindle at Amazon

Then the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying, “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following Me and has not carried out My commands.” And Samuel was distressed and cried out to the Lord all night.

1 Samuel 15:10-11

How many times have you heard yourself ask your kids to listen to you… to pay attention… or have had to ask them multiple times to do the same thing?

Do you end up frustrated and even to the point of finally yelling? I am not sure that any parent has ever not allowed themselves to get to this point. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are things that you can do to change this.

As a matter of fact, it is imperative that you as the parent take purposeful steps to change this.

He who keeps the commandment keeps his soul,
But he who is careless of conduct will die.

Proverbs 19:16

We have to remember that our children’s ability to listen and to follow instructions could mean their very life. Children have to learn to listen.

If our children do not learn to listen to and follow our instructions they very well could end up like Saul and become grown men and women who ignore and refuse to follow God’s instructions. I don’t want my children to live their lives walking in rebellion to God and His word. So it’s our responsibility to show them how important it is to listen by teaching them to listen to us.

Our children should not be ignoring our instructions until we begin re-giving them in anger. I don’t want my kids to have to experience God’s wrath before they realize they were caught not obeying. I prefer to have them seek to obey and to have a responsible heart.

Here’s the thing mom and dad… the problem quite possibly is not our kids lack of ability to listen to instructions it very well could be our lack of ability to correctly give instructions. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach our children. It’s our privilege to coach them in life.

Have you ever received an item that had to be assembled or been given a task to accomplish or tried to drive to a location and the directions or instructions were insufficient or confusing? How did that make you feel? How did that help or hurt you to get where you were going or to do what you were being asked to do? Was the problem your ability to listen and follow or was the problem the way the instructions were given?

Last week I offered a free one hour audio lesson on teaching our children to listen and follow instructions from the National Center for Biblical Parenting in my blog post Raising Successful Kids. In case you missed it last week the audio is still available in that post and will be there for you to download and to share with others.

In this audio teaching  you will hear practical examples and be given parenting tools to enable you to teach your children to listen and follow instructions. Teaching your children to listen and follow instructions builds within your children a sense of responsibility and responsible children become responsible adults. Responsible adults become people of character and integrity who make a difference in the lives of others and in this world for the glory of Christ and the kingdom of God.

Mom. Dad. Allow God to teach you so that you can teach them.

Today I am offering another audio freebie. Today’s free gift is Parenting Teens and Dealing with Disrespect, Defiance, and Rebellion by Bob Boerman

Next month I will be sharing about a new parenting tool from NCBP that is focused solely on parenting teenagers so this audio will be a good start for those of us who are right there… because if you are there or have been there you already know it’s a whole new ballgame!

******

Links to the other posts that contain free parenting tools audio downloads:

Raising Successful Kids

It’s a Sin to Bore People with the Bible

Teaching Spiritual Truths To Children

Resolving Conflict With Honor

For those that don’t know I am an affiliate with The National Center for Biblical Parenting. I absolutely love their stuff. I truly believe that their material offers the most effective common sense practical parenting help for all ages from every spectrum of the issues of life on the market. There stuff is not filled with a bunch of psychobabble and it teaches you how to use the Word of God as the foundation for your parenting.

Trust me I have read a lot of different parenting books… and these are the best. That’s why I choose to help promote them.

The next few weeks I will be offering free mp3 downloads from their store. Today’s download comes from the book,

Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids

Here is some info on the content:

Families can thrive today. But success is more than just having two cars, a nice house, a dog, and 2.5 children. It has to do with character development and how equipped family members are to relate to others outside the family. It involves creating homes where children and adults are able to make mistakes and learn from them, growing spiritually, emotionally, and relationally with each other. Even families that have broken apart or who have suffered significant wounds can develop the qualities necessary to be successful. Single-parent families, blended families, and reconstructed families are all finding real solutions through honor.

The free download is the audio concerning sibling conflict… click the picture below and hopefully it will send you to the link to download the audio 😉

But just in case the picture click doesn’t work… here you go:

Sibling Conflict mp3

I also wanted include the Honor poster and the Character Definitions poster. These will be great to print off and hang somewhere in your home as a reminder on how we need to treat each other.

HONOR POSTER

Character_Definitions_for_Families

And of course here is my link to the Biblical Parenting store so that you may check out more from them, and by using this link to get there, anything you purchase helps support Proven Path as well 🙂

National Center for Biblical Parenting store