Daily Archives: October 18, 2011

Confessions of a Christian Wife

>Lessons Learned The Hard Way

>I never really know what I am going to find when I pull out an old notebook. I am about to place a Mary Kay order and my aunt asked me to look up a color eyeshadow and lipliner she used a few years ago, so I went to my notebook that held all my MK order stuff. I kept a list of the regular products my customers used so I could keep those products in stock. I haven’t kept stock for a while, so it’s been at least three to four years since I have been in this notebook. As I was looking through the pages for my aunts favorite stuff I discovered a list I had made in the back of this notebook’s pages titled, Lessons Learned the Hard Way. It might have been up to seven years ago that this list was made.

So I thought I would share: (paranthesis and italics not in original list)

Lessons Learned the Hard Way 
 
1. Parents are not stupid
2. Teenage and young adult men usually are “dogs” (yet they will rise to the bar if the ladies will set them)
3. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice
4. Your sins really do find you out
5. Actions do have consequences
6. Marriage is work
7. Sex is for one woman and one man in marriage for one life
8. Real intimacy comes through communication and trust not sex
9. A guy cannot make me whole
10. A baby cannot make me whole
11. The borrower truly is slave to the lender
12. Friends usually are not “friends forever” (but there truly can be a forever faithful few in your life)
13. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder (physical absence with present consistent communication yes, but absence with zero communication, I still think no) 
14. The love of money really is the root of all evil
15. If your parents tell you they love you and never put you down in any way count your blessings (I never realized how special my parents were until I began ministering to youth through the Pregnancy Resource Center)
16. High School is really only a very very very small part of our entire life
17. God’s way is the best way
18. Labor and delivery is the easy part
19. People are naturally bad we have to be taught how to be good and then choose to walk in it
20. Abortion is murder to an unborn child and a mother’s spirit
21. Dating is overrated
22. Bad company does corrupt good morals
23. What you watch and hear does affect how you think and your thoughts eventually become your actions
24. I don’t have all the answers
25. I am far from perfect and have too many logs in my own eye to condemn you over the splinter in yours
26. The devil is real and he does not like me
27. Jesus is real and he forgives completely those who ask and mean it and walk away from what they asked forgiveness for
28. You cannot hide from God
29. Words do hurt
 
 
So got any hard learned lessons to add to the list? 
If so add away 🙂  
Devotional Studies Through the Bible

>Choices

>

Esau said, “Behold I am about to die;
so of what use then is the birthright to me?”
Genesis 25:32
 
In Genesis 25, we meet Esau and Jacob, twin brothers, sons of Isaac, and sibling rivals from the womb. We meet them as newborns and then immediately as men, or at least no longer boys.
 
We read of Jacob tempting Esau with some stew. If you have more than one child, I bet you have witnessed a scene similar to this played out in your own home. For that matter, you might recall having been a part of a moment similar to this one that we read about in the Scriptures.
 
We can go all the way back to the garden and see that from then until present day, the way of temptation has not changed. When the enemy of our souls is able to get us focused on our appetites, on our emotions, and on our pride, we stumble and oftentimes we fall. Esau falls for the temptation.
 
Esau is a man completely focused on the temporal. His main concern is the here and now and his immediate satisfaction. He is only focused on the growling of his stomach, and he doesn’t even contemplate for a moment the price he is about to pay for this one bowl of stew, that “red stuff.” Esau is a man who makes his decisions according to the pleasure of the moment and the gratification of his flesh. He is not concerned about the possible consequences that could come as a result of such hasty decisions.
 
How many of us are living in the consequences of decisions made focused on immediate gratification?
 
God’s Word tells us that we are not to look at the things that are seen, but at the things that are unseen; for the things that are seen are temporal, but the things that are unseen are eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18). He warns us in Romans 8:6–8 that the mind set on the flesh is death and is hostile toward God and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
 
Our flesh demands immediate gratification. Our flesh wants to feel good, but if we are in Christ, we are not to obey our flesh. In Christ we have the power to say no when before Him we were completely helpless.
 
Our flesh doesn’t see the big picture. It is not concerned with the future. It is not concerned about anyone or anything. Our flesh simply wants its own way, and it wants it in the now.
 
Esau’s desire for this one bowl of red stuff changes the history of his entire future and his children’s future. Esau’s decision cost him his birthright, his claim to be the leader of the family after the death of Isaac. It cost him his right to receive a double portion of the inheritance of Isaac. Esau’s choice went deeper than just a bowl of stew.
 
Esau’s choice gives us insight into the condition of his heart, just as our choices give us insight into the condition of our own hearts. What do your choices in life tell you about your heart?
 
Oh Father,
 
When we have called on Jesus Christ for salvation, when we have repented and turned to You through Him, we are filled with Your Holy Spirit, and through Him we receive power to not be slaves to our flesh. Oh Father, help me to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and to focus on the things above and not the things that are on this earth Oh Father, might You give me a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of You
(Ephesians 1:17).
 
My Jesus, it is in Your name that I pray,
Amen.
 
Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

>Tongue Taming

>

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

As I serve in ministry in the church and share with others outside the church the most common complaint against the church, the most ready reason for not attending or getting involved in church, and the most heralded hurt that happens in the church, seems to be rooted in words. 

The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels,
And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
Proverbs 18:8

Whether it be gossip or just others using their words as a weapon or even worse taking God’s Word and twisting it and using it as a weapon to hurt another person. This weapon is to be used to defeat the spiritual forces of darkness it is not to be unsheathed to defeat and destroy man or as an attempt to beat someone down. The Word is to be used in love not in spite and not in a spirit of superiority.

How long will you torment me
And crush me with words?
Job 19:2
 
We ladies have been given the stereotype of “gossipers”, yet please know that I am well aware that men are just as gossipy. Male and female, we need to watch what we say and we also need to be careful what and who we choose to listen to…even if, no especially if, we personally know we don’t believe a word they say… 
 
An evildoer listens to wicked lips;
A liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.
Proverbs 17:4
 
This is the way of the world…
 
…we live in a day of hearsay, when few people pass along information that is precise and reliable. Do you? Are you careful about what you say? Do you have the facts? Do you offer proof that the information you are conveying is correct? While there are occasions when it’s appropriate to pass along needed and serious information to the right sources, there’s a growing preoccupation with rumor and slander. Half truths and innuendos become juicy morsels in the mouths of unreliable gossips. There is no way to measure the number of people who have been hurt by rumor, exaggeration, and hearsay.
Perhaps you have suffered this yourself.
Be careful what you say. Be careful how you say it. Be careful that you send the right message, that you send it to the right person, and that you do so with the right motive. ~ Swindoll
 
My husband and I have often discussed that one of the hardest parts of parenting is teaching our children how to discern between “need shared information” and “tattle-telling”. We have tried to teach them when and as the opportunity arises because we just have not discovered another way to get the point across.
 
One thing we do is ask them to seek out the reason they are sharing the information they are sharing.
 
Is it just to get someone caught and in trouble?
Is this something that will hurt this person if not shared?
Is this something that the person asked you not to share?
And if they did why and would you want them to share this on you?
And if you are sharing it, why are you sharing it?
Is it just to show what you know about them?
Or is it because you know they need help concerning what they shared and you know you can’t help?
Are you sharing up or side to side?
 
We try to teach them that there will be times in their own lives that they will want someone to keep a secret for them. There are times when we can address an issue with an individual and correct them and keep it all between them and us. And if they are truly sharing to help someone, they will share up, not side to side. Which means they will share with someone who has the power to help not just another “friend” who can do nothing.
 
We try to teach our girls that they need to be each others best friends not each others worst enemies. An enemy seeks to get you caught, a friend seeks to help you out of the trap. An enemy wants to throw you in the fire, while a friend seeks to snatch you from the fire. An enemy will reveal your secret to hurt you, yet a friend only reveals when they realize it is the only way they can get help.
 
There is a time to keep a secret.
I love what Swindoll says in the following quote,
 
There is an unexplainable air of mystery about a woman, an unpredictability that men find intriguing. Esther’s ability to restrain herself only heightens the mystery—especially her verbal restraint. She knew much more than she told. She could keep a secret. Verbal restraint is fast becoming a forgotten virtue. ~ Swindoll
 
A woman who can control her tongue is indeed a woman of virtue.
Ladies are you a friend who can keep a secret?
Can you be trusted with the hurts and failures and frustrations of another without passing judgment or without fueling a fire?
Are you still stuck in the toddler/child cycle of the tattle-tale?
Can someone come to you and share their hurts or are you the one that causes others to cringe because they know you just saw them fail, falter, or stumble?
Can you correct, rebuke, exhort, and keep it between you and them?
Or do you always feel the need to share what you saw, what you did, what you know?
 
Learn to keep confidences. Come to be known for keeping secrets! It’s part of having character marked by strength and dignity. ~ Swindoll
 
Taming the tongue…
A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26

 
But it’s more than just speaking in truth and with kindness, it’s also knowing when not to speak.
I read a quote somewhere that said something like, “never miss a good opportunity to shut up”.
 
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
 
The damage that has been done in and outside of the church, in families, in friendships, in workplaces, and even in our nation, over hear-say and over sharing information that needed not be shared… oh my it’s massive.
 
O LORD, who may abide in Your tent?
Who may dwell on Your holy hill?
He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness,
And speaks truth in his heart.
He does not slander with his tongue,
Nor does evil to his neighbor,
Nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
Proverbs 15:2-3
 
I know the hurt of words well…
I imagine most of us do.
May we learn from our own hurts and make the choice to not use our own words to hurt another the way we have been hurt ourselves.