I guess you could say the difference in the male vs female classes is the difference between men and women. Duh! Women are way more talkative and men use fewer words to say the same thing. Really prefer the straight-forwardness of the men and there is less drama. Women get into everybody’s business, the men don’t. That’s my 1st impression…
~ MaryAlice
The above quote is from a bond-servant of Christ who was reporting her prayer request and observations after her first time teaching a precept Bible study class to male inmates in a high security prison… her ministry has always been in the female prisons, but God has led her kicking and screaming and now trusting here to these men who need freedom within these prison walls. The above quote was her final observation on her first experience.
I have a preteen daughter (Lol, how did I go from prison to preteen girls? Just go with me ;-)) so at the moment we are in the midst of her experience with her introduction into the drama of the female.
Sadly one of the first goals of every woman should be to search out female relationships that will have your back without throwing a knife into… Let me first off assure you that those women are out there.
You just have to be one to find one.
I met my first drama free friend in 7th grade, but it wasn’t until around 10th grade that we realized what we had in each other… and once it clicked we clung to each other. I knew she would always speak truth to me and I knew she always had my back… and I never worried about drama with her. Not that she and I were perfect in our friendship, but we respected each other, and stood by each other regardless. The funny thing is we were completely opposites… and still are. I was country and cowboy boots, she was city and high heels. I was conservative republican she was liberal democrat. I live in the southeast she headed west to California. I started a family early she focused on career and just started her family a few months ago. I could go on… with what made us different, but the point is differences don’t matter when respect is present.
After she left for California over 13 years ago it took me a while to find that type of friendship with another female… but God led me and one trust step at a time I don’t just have one of those female friends, God has blessed me with several. So ladies, they are indeed out there!
I had the great joy of hanging with my BFF from high school yesterday as she was visiting with her newborn son and showing him off to all her family here in the South… as she shared with me her birth experience she told me how she fell in love with her husband all over again as she watched him with their newborn son… she shared how that surprised her… she hadn’t expected that at all. I just smiled because I know exactly what she means. I wanted to tell her then how many times that will happen in the days and years to come… but I don’t want to ruin the joy of her discovery!
There are many times that I fall in love with my husband all over again… and as we walk through yet another preteen parenthood experience I had another one of those moments as I listened to him share with me the breakdown of his most recent one-on-one convo with our preteen.
The moment I melted was when he shared with me these words:
I told her that I know she is going through an identity crisis at this point in her life, trying to decide where she fits and who she is, and I told her how I know that she is going to “pick up” actions and words and habits from the friends she hangs around and will imitate them in things, that’s just human nature, but let’s say that you like a boy when you are ready for that, and for all these years you have been “acting” like this friend, so you and this boy start dating… who is he really liking? You or the friend you have been acting like? Our preteen said, my friend. So what is going to happen when he finds out who you really are and that you don’t always act like that friend? Our preteen said, he’s going to leave. Right! Because it wasn’t you he liked to begin with… Honey, just be your freakin’ self! Be yourself all the time!
When I heard “Honey, just be your freakin’ self! Be yourself all the time!“ I fell in love with my husband all over again.
I am thankful to be facing these preteen parenthood days with this man by my side. We make a pretty good team… and our girls know that we are indeed on the same team… and they also know that this team is on their side and is here to help them reach victory in this life.
These days of preteen parenthood is rough… I have not looked forward to them. It is here that my paranoia begins… Fear can grip me quickly over their choices.
Are they making the right friends?
Are they thinking the right thoughts?
Are they still seeking God?
Are they going through the motions or are they sincere?
Do they respect themselves?
Are they buying the lie that tells them that I only care about what others think of me when I lay restrictions and deliver discipline?
(I think this is the biggest lie that effects our “church kids” I hear it often, and although I know it can be true in some situations, I assure you the majority of the time that is not the case, as shocking as it may be, some parents truly do care about their child’s holiness and sanctification and their own personal relationship with Christ, and are not out to impress “Deacon Dan” or “Sister Susan” we just want you to live an abundant life in and with and through Christ)
My prayer is so often “Oh God please don’t let me lose them to this world! Please don’t let them get sucked into the false pleasures of this world. God hold them close to you, keep a tight grip on their hearts!”
Part of me just wants to lock them down and “protect” them from this world, so that they never get hurt, never suffer the consequences of wrong choices. But I know that simply is not a possibility… besides I want my daughters to be life changers not life hiders. And how easy it is to forget that my girls are not mine to lose… they belong to God.
So today with our preteen, we are at this point of catch and release in a small pond.
We have given our preteen small pond privileges. The pond is big enough for her to swim out in, but small enough for us to quickly catch her and reel her back in when it’s needed.
At this point in her life she is getting her first real experiences with female drama… As much as I would like to just completely control the relationships… my husband and I are trying to instead use this as an opportunity to instill life lessons. The truth of the matter is, that for the rest of her life as a female she will face these situations, these relationships. Prayerfully she will learn in these preteen years how to discern the drama starter… and most importantly how not to be the drama starter.
What life as believer in a Sovereign God has taught me is that life is meant to be lived intentional.
Every situation matters.
Every opportunity is a life lesson.
Nothing is random.
Preteen drama is not petty. It is practice for becoming a true woman of God whose value is in her character and integrity not her outer appearance or social status.
So as my husband and I step out once again in raising a preteen girl… I pray we remember the lessons we learned the last time around with our now 21 year old. I pray that we walk with wisdom. I pray that we don’t let fear lead us to react instead of respond. I pray that we learn to guide instead of dictate. I pray that we stand united and let not the child divide. I pray that we never forget that God loves our girls even more than we do.
So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12