Sleep is never just sleep with me. I always experience an entire other day… or many days while I sleep. It’s crazy sometimes how dreams work. They are a jumbled mess… well mine are anyway.
Somehow last night in my dreams… at one point it was my birthday (I think) and a young lady from church brought me a gift that was tied to balloons… and she offered an apology because they were actually yellow baby shower balloons, but she said that was all they had. This is funny in its self because several nights ago I dreamed I was pregnant and delivered and my husband and I didn’t know what we were going to have until the baby was born, and the baby was a boy. I was so excited! I was trying to send out “It’s A Boy!” text messages and FB updates but none of our gadgets would work. That stupid little spinning circle just kept spinning… and I was one fired up female because I couldn’t get our great announcement out to the world. Then yesterday my husband fell asleep on the couch and woke up with a shock… he had dreamed I was pregnant… and he had not responded well to the news. Somehow babies keep invading our sleep… but that has been the case for over ten years now in some form or fashion!
Okay back to last night.
So after the balloons I find myself with my sisters and my nieces and nephews and I am handing out invitations and gifts to something… I can’t remember what it was, but I know it was important that they each got one.
Then the next thing I know I am waking up after being asleep in my dream. (Yes, dreaming I am asleep while I am asleep.) When I wake up my husband and I are now living in the house I grew up in from toddler to teen. I have walked out of the master bedroom of that house and into the living room and I can still see it clear as when I was living there. It’s even the same couch, the same front door, the same front porch, the same view into the front yard.
I am in my pj’s and housecoat and it’s early and the rest of the house is still asleep and then the doorbell rings. I go to the door and its a woman I never met asking me about homeschool information… and then I see a man carrying a child, and both the man and the woman are quite distraught but this morning I can’t remember why.
I recall closing the door behind me after telling them goodbye and hoping that I was able to help them and then I remember stretching out on the couch… because just as in reality I was still sleepy when I awoke…
I stretch out and pick up my ipad, open it up and then the next thing I know my sins of the past are on video before me. There I was in drunken stuppors… there I was in all my shame… recorded and on Facebook! I was trying with all my might to press delete… I couldn’t even get the stupid thing to turn off… my heart was pounding… my stomach was churning… my hands were sweating… I was terrified.
Then I woke up.
I woke up and my first thoughts were “oh God thank you! thanks you that this was only a dream! thank you that my days of stupid were not in this day! thank you God the only time my past will be seen again is through your eyes of grace! thank you God for loving me and calling me and forgiving me and making me new. thank you that I am not who I was!”
I woke up praising God that the only technology that was out and about in my high school/college days was a camera with film that had to be developed and a video camera that was the size of a small car so no one could have it on you without your knowledge.
It’s amazing how your past follows you even haunts you at times… but the beauty of the rebirth, is that you don’t have to follow your past. Your before doesn’t have to be your after…
If I try now in my waking moments to analyze this dream… and please know that I am no Daniel or Joseph…
I would say that the birth of a baby boy is exciting news and being able to share that news as someone who has experienced that birth is very important! That baby boy is Jesus and I have experienced His birth and in Him I have been born again and I want to send out His birth announcement to the world. When I experienced His birth in me I first sent out invitations and gifts to my family and then I taught in my church and now share even with those I may never meet this side of eternity.
As for the next part, why was I in my childhood home? Who was the woman at the door and the man and the child?
Possibly the interpretation here is the ministry that God has called me into now. I minister to children who are toddler to teens. We are living in a day where you can see the faces of distraught parents everywhere… I think we have to remember how important these years are in our children’s lives and memory. I remember everything about the house I grew up in. I remember the furniture, the carpet, the doors, the kitchen rail, the laundry room, the fireplace, but most importantly I remember I was loved. I remember it was home. I remember I always felt safe. My foundation for the rest of my life was laid in the years I lived in that house.
Why was it now mine and my husbands home?
Possibly because it was there that I learned what a marriage was supposed to look like. It was there that I learned this is the kind of marriage I want to have one day… and well God has granted my heart’s desire. I have that marriage. I have that marriage because my husband and I held on to truth, and to love, and to hope. We choose to live in forgiveness and grace. So now today, my husband and I are trying to lay a similar foundation in our own daughters lives…
A home is a school whether you homeschool or not.
The past sins video? Well that was self interpreted and obvious. Get the behind me Satan. You have no power over me and my past failures will never keep me from my present joy and future victories because my Redeemer lives!