Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
Psalm 19:14
The culture of a home also reflects grace when parents refuse to speak judgmental words about people in their community, church, or extended family. If we have sharp tongues and critical spirits in the privacy of our homes, our children soon recognize our hypocrisy. We can declare that we live in the love of God, but our words are a compelling witness that the gospel of grace does not yet rule in our hearts and homes.
~ from Organic Outreach for Families
I read this and I went “Ouch”. I wonder how many times I have spoken words of judgment about others in the privacy of my home in front of my children? I am sure that it was worse in the “baby days” of my walk with the Lord. I remember when I first wholly surrendered to the Lord, my Jesus had a lot of junk to clear out of my heart and mind in order to make room for His Word and Spirit. My heart was a dark and scary place filled with brokenness and lies and filth and hurt and unforgiveness and hate and bitterness. I look back now on my life and I can see that the words of Christ are true. As a matter of fact it is so true that He repeats it several times.
You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good?
For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.
Matthew 12:34
But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart,
and those defile the man.
Matthew 15:18
The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good;
and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil;
for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.
Luke 6:45
We could go on through the Scriptures and see time after time the warnings concerning our heart and its connection to our mouth and actions. The simple fact is… listen to what comes out of your mouth. It will show you and others what is really in your heart.
Now before you collapse under the condemnation of the above quote from Organic Outreach let me add my two cents to it…
The culture of a home also reflects grace when parents refuse to speak judgmental words about people in their community, church, or extended family. If we have sharp tongues and critical spirits in the privacy of our homes, our children soon recognize our hypocrisy.
Both hypocrisy and evil depend on lies. Hypocrisy is a lie in deeds rather than in words. And evil always uses lies to cover its oppressions. Only with truth can we stand up to deception and manipulation. For all who hate hypocrisy, care for justice and human dignity, and are prepared to fight evil, truth is the absolute requirement. ~ Os Guinness
No I do not want my home to be a place of hypocrisy. I don’t want my kids to see me as one person in church and as another in our home. I don’t want them to hear me speak one way in church and in other in my home. However, my children need to see me be real. There will be times when people irritate me. There will be times when I question a plan, a motive, a person, a place… and if I simply smile and stay silent due to the fear of appearing “judgmental” and “ungracefilled” well then is that not hypocrisy as well?
I believe our children need to see us work through our questions and concerns… our judgments.
I would be lying through my teeth if I said that I had never entered my home frustrated with the actions, decisions, and choices of people in my church, community, and family. The fact is I have. I have opinions and thoughts and concerns and I should be able to express those and have a safe place to work through the emotions that come with them… my children need to see how that works.
The bottom line is… does grace underline it all. In the emotions, the opinions, the thoughts, the concerns, the judgments… does grace overrule and mercy triumph?
If you come in with judgments and a sharp tongue and critical spirit… do you leave out with grace and love?
As you work through the frustrations do you remember from where you came?
Look to the rock from which you were hewn,
and to the quarry from which you were dug.
Isaiah 51:1
In the Hebrew text, the word quarry actually refers to “a hole.” The old King James Version doesn’t miss it far: “the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.”
Never forget “the hole of the pit.”
What excellent advice! Before we get all enamored with our high-and-mighty importance, it’s a good idea to take a backward glance at the “hole of the pit” from which Christ lifted us.
And let’s not just think about it; let’s admit it. Our “hole of the pit” has a way of keeping us all on the same level—recipients of grace.
~ Chuck Swindoll
My children need to see me love people who irritate the living dog out of me. They need to see that love and grace and mercy are a choice and an action that should be extended in any situation. They are not just an emotional response to things and people I like and agree with at all times.
I believe our children need to hear us question, hear us judge, hear us measure what we see up against the Word of Truth. They need to see how we may respond at times in the flesh, see our sin in it, crucify it, and choose to walk by the Spirit.
If we walk around speaking false kindness and shallow southern hospitality over everything… what will they do when they discover this bile flesh rising up in their own hearts and spewing out of their own mouths? Will they consider themselves self-condemned as they weigh themselves up against the fake condescending smile of mom?
Is this not how prayer was taken out of school? Abortion made legal? The Ten Commandments removed from courtrooms?
Just smile, don’t speak, don’t judge, its all good.
No its not.
All is not always good.
I get upset. I get frustrated. I get downright angry. I don’t always understand… so I question. As I speak my mouth shows me what is in my heart and as I hear it I weigh it up against the Word of God… and then I question myself…
Am I upset for selfish reasons?
Am I frustrated because it’s not my way?
Am I angry only because of the way it affects me?
What are the words coming out of my mouth revealing about the current condition of my heart?
Am I repeating the thoughts of God or the lies of Satan?
As my husband and I have battled though our thoughts and judgments and concerns and opinions with each other in our home many times. Our children have seen us come in judgmental and sharp and critical… but they eventually always see us leave with true grace and genuine mercy extended. They also have seen us finally declare something as wrong and when we do they see us choose to do or say something about it.
Kindness is supposed to lead to repentance. Kindness was never meant to cover up the thoughts of the heart. If our words of kindness never address exposed issues of true concern… then it is not kindness at all. Just being nice never saved anyone and just being nice is not extending grace.
Kind acts of service in various shapes and forms are not the gospel. All of these acts of compassion are important, and Jesus calls us to engage in them. But these actions in and of themselves are not the gospel. They are the fruit that grows in our lives when we have embraced the good news of Jesus.
The gospel is the simple message of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection for the sake of our sins. This message, communicated with words, has always been the gospel. It will always be the gospel. Our acts of mercy and compassion can be thought of a pre-evangelism, opening the way for the gospel. but our acts of service, no matter how compassionate and lovingly motivated, are never enough to save people.
So the question is… when your mouth reveals to you what is in your heart… and when what it reveals is ungodly… what do your children see you do about it?