The last couple of days have not been the greatest for me… well really the last couple of weeks. I have been stressed, under spiritual attack, pressures within and pressures without. All of the stressors are then multiplied by 100 plus because… yes… it’s that time.

Hell Week.

I thought this might get easier as I got older but instead it is worse… hormonal depression seeps in like a fog on my mind and emotions. I become cloudy and the adhd in me becomes ridiculous. Then the physical pain creeps in with a dulling back, stomach, and thigh ache. Next creeps in the hormone headaches that I will wake up with every morning that will go toe to toe with most migraines. I actually have that sucker now as I try to focus to see this keyboard. Take this and add hot flashes, freezing chills, and well good grief why would you be shocked that I am irritable and on the verge of tears or in full fledge tears…  because life doesn’t stop because this time has showed up.

I apparently am in this place of swaying between menstrual and menopause… It’s not always a happy place… but I still would never go back the other way.

Yesterday was not a great day. Yes it was Sunday. Yes it was the “Lord’s Day”. Yes I am the Children’s Ministry Director. Yes, I love Jesus more than my own life… but yesterday was not great. However I choose to worship Him in the not so great day even more… it just rekindles the truth that this is not my home. This hot flashing, irritable, aching, foggy brained, emotionally wrecked body of flesh is only TEMPORARY.

I guess you’re reading this now and you’re wondering “why on earth would I be jealous of this?”

Well, let me tell you…

There was a day that this week would be increased in its turmoil due to the response to it by me and my wonderful husband… he really just did not get it and well I really didn’t help him get it because I didn’t get it either. As a matter of fact I thought I was just fine and it was all his fault (all ladies over 35 feel free to laugh out loud now because I know you feel me)… but after years of choosing to stick it out… or fight it out… well younger ladies, let me just say, don’t give up on him or each other so soon or so easily.

My man had to work yesterday. He knew that I was here in this week. And when he called to see how my day was going I believe I was either crying or complaining every time. I was hurt or hurting for others. I was flustered and overwhelmed and having a day where I felt like a complete failure in all things. I felt under appreciated and unworthy and not fit to breathe air all at the same time. It was a day where the enemy was whispering in my ear… just quit… no one cares… no one will even notice you’re gone… why do you even bother to get out of bed… no one needs you anyway… you are in the way… you can’t do anything right… just quit.

My husband was patient with every phone call… even the ones that came later than they were supposed to. He was patient with the text hang ups due to distractions and he was patient with me leaving church at least 20 minutes later than I originally suggested… and he asked me to call when I was half-way home because he was fixing dinner for us because he got home first.

Well guess who forgot to call… so when I am 5 minutes from the house I remember I forgot to call, so I called him then adding one more of the enemies “great there’s one more thing you have screwed up for the day, just add that to the oh crap I forgot list”

So I pulled in the driveway, then walked in the house loaded down with bags and purse, and my man said, “Put down your stuff.” So I just dropped everything there at the door heading to him for the hug I so desperately needed… my safe place is wrapped up in his arms. He is almost a foot taller than me so I can bury my head in his chest and he wraps his arms around me and I can stand there buried in the warmth of his embrace and for that moment all cares and worries and stress are gone and I just breathe and rest. It’s my favorite place to be…

But last night he didn’t wrap me up… I didn’t get that hug… he held me at arms length and said “I didn’t want to stress you out more on the way home, but we have a problem in the bathroom, the toilet must have been running since you left and we have a mess…”

Of course, I am thinking… Great, one more thing…

He is behind me as I walk up the stairs to survey whatever mess we have… and I enter our bedroom and then turn to the bathroom and the door is opened… and immediately I am crying again.

Behind this bathroom door my husband has just created the most amazing mini retreat I have ever seen. The tub is filled with hot milky water, cut limes, and rose petals. There on the side of the tub is a cup of fresh fruit, a drink, a half dozen roses (the rest of the half have been sacrificed for the tub), and a little booklet that reads about Mom’s finding moments of peace. The lights are dimmed are candles are lit around the tub… and then coming from the counter is the beautiful songs of our courting and life together. He has created a playlist on his kindle that is nothing but songs that remind him of me… and me of him.

See… I told you that you were gonna be jealous.

He then holds me tight as I stand there in my tears of amazement and tells me that the kids are fine, and I am not to come down the stairs until I am completely relaxed.

Oh my goodness… I LOVE THIS MAN!

I fall in love with him over and over and over and over again.

So Mr P.L. Vaughn know that you have rocked this girl’s world and stolen her heart a thousand times over… and I down right out just simply adore you.

 

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