“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.

Isaiah 55:8

I am glad that His thoughts are not our thoughts… 

My thoughts are hard to carry at this time in my life. My thoughts tell me that I am inadequate, incompetent, incapacitated, insufficient, and proven unworthy. My thoughts tell me that I will never be enough, or do enough, and that failure is the end result of the visions and dreams of the future I once had and that I am and have been a waste of others resources.

There is nothing like the pain of knowing that you have invested years of your life into others and your thoughts tell you that you are not even thought of enough to have one simple request met. The “praying for you’s” fall flat when there are no actions behind them. The only words that hold power in themselves are those of God… ours are of no value when there is no deed behind them. They are empty, futile, and worthless… except for the pain that their emptiness brings. Words unmet with concrete validation always leave pain in their wake.

But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? 

James 2:20

It is better to be silent than to speak empty words.

I do not know what God is doing. I watch the support of some and in this all I can see is the lack of support given to others. The lack. The walking on by with a pat on the arm, and the how are you doing, and the empty trained we are praying, as they keep on moving to something and someone else… apparently completely oblivious to the numbing blow they have just landed to the soul. It’s hard not to ask, “but why?”

There is place that seems so numb and so dark that the thought of there ever being life there again seems impossible. The thoughts. The tug-of-war. The doubts and fears and disappointments tugging against the promises of God… His thoughts… His ways… His words… and those few who have actually backed words with actions… those. very. few.

It has nothing to do with doubting the love and ability of my God…

At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me…

2 Timothy 4:16-17

It’s just that the reminder that all we ever really have is Christ Himself sometimes comes painfully. We will never be enough for other people and other people will never be enough for us… but Jesus will always be enough.

Jesus is enough.

Just give me Jesus.

If the Lord had not been my help,
My soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence.
If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul.

Psalm 94:17-19