A worthless man digs up evil,
While his words are like scorching fire.
A perverse man spreads strife,
And a slanderer separates intimate friends.
A man of violence entices his neighbor
And leads him in a way that is not good.

Proverbs 16:27-29

We live in a day where marriages are falling apart all over the place. I read these words of Scripture and I thought, wow… how many marriages have fallen apart that would have made it had this person described in Proverbs 16:27-29 not interfered?

Let’s break it down.

Whenever I read the warnings in Scripture that pertain to a person I look at them in at least three ways:

1) God, help me to recognize this person

2) God, help me to see if I am this person

3) God, help me to not be this person

We are warned that the person described as a “worthless man” in Proverbs 16:27-29 “digs up evil” and his words are described to be “like a scorching fire”. To scorch something is to cause intense heat or mental anguish,to burn a surface of so as to change its color and texture, to afflict painfully with censure or sarcasm…

Now who is the person as it relates to our marriages?

This is a person who comes up to you and says “you know before you married them I remember the time they...” and this is the person who says “how can you forgive them after they… I would have never been able to forget that” and says, “it doesn’t bother you that your spouse…”  You see this is the person who goes digging for something evil to speak about your spouse. They come at you when you are smiling… and there purpose is to wipe that smile off of your face. Their purpose is to discolor and distort the way you see your spouse. Their purpose is to cause you mental anguish over something that is in the past, or something that is assumed and may very well not even be true. God calls this person worthless.

The next person is said to be a “perverse man” and this person is someone who “spreads strife”

This is the person who sees that you and your spouse might just be on edge today. This person sees the tension and strife and instead of coming to you to help heal and mend and settle the strife… they come to spread it, share it, and increase it. This is the person who says, “oh honey, you don’t have to take that” and says “well you have every right to be mad, you better give back as good as you get!” This is the person that their eyes light up when they see that you and your spouse are fighting and they can’t wait to fan the flame… and God calls this person perverse.

The next person is a “slanderer” and they come to “separate intimate friends”

There is no friend more intimate than your spouse. Anyone who comes at you with words to bring down your spouse, to speak evil of their character, to make accusations against them… you need to walk away. Now please let’s get real and understand that family is family, your spouses mother, father, brothers, and sisters, etc… they grew up with them, they know them, they love them… I am speaking of the person that is especially not family, the “friend” whether they be male or female and comes at you with words to intentional make you disconnect with your spouse. They come to drive a wedge between you and your spouse by drawing attention to small things and making them appear bigger and worse than they truly are. God calls this person a slanderer.

The next person is called “a man of violence” and they come to “entice their neighbor” and lead them “in a way that is not good”

This person is the one who comes and is supposedly the answer to all your issues. They are the one who steps in and draws you to them and away from your spouse. They encourage you to walk away from the marriage. They tell you its not fixable. They tell you that you deserve better than your spouse. They tell you there is no hope, things will never change, they will never get better. They tell you its best to walk away and start over. Salvage what you have left of your life. If you have fallen out of love with them today you won’t fall back in love with them tomorrow.

Why is this person known as a man of violence? Violence is an exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse (as in warfare effecting illegal entry into a house), injury by or as if by distortion, infringement, or profanation.

This is a person of violence because they are physically and forcefully invading your house for the sole purpose of bringing injury and abuse for their own selfish pleasure or gain. They come into your house, your marriage, your union with this person, this person who you are now one flesh with and they come in to infringe on something that does not belong to them. They come to profane something that God has called holy. If this person succeeds, they kill. They violently rip through and destroy a home from the inside out. You cannot rip something that was once two and now has become one without hurt, pain, and destruction. God calls the person who does this a man of violence.

So let us pay attention to the words and warnings in this passage of Scripture in the Proverbs. Let it be used as our marriage protection and may it be a warning to us, that we be careful to help protect the marriages of others and not be a part of their destruction…

As people of God our desire should be to build up the house not tear it down.

I can look back on my life and see times when I have fit into one or more of these descriptions and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can look back on my marriage and I can hear the slimy voice of that slinky serpent as he accuses, distorts, and brings up past hurts in the midst of present trials and whispers, “see it will never get any better“. Let me tell you HE IS A LIAR! It can get better. It can get beyond better… it can get fairy tale butterflies in your stomach everyday better. It might not… but let me tell you that it indeed can. Don’t give up on God by giving up on your spouse.

In other words, in marriage you live hour by hour in glad dependence 
on God’s forgiveness and justification and promised future grace, and 
you bend it out toward your spouse hour by hour—as an extension of 
God’s forgiveness and justification and promised help.

~ John Piper

I am beyond thankful for the grace of God and His redeeming arm. I beyond thankful that He doesn’t count ignorance against us. I am beyond thankful that He never turns a deaf ear to a repentant heart and cry for forgiveness. I am beyond thankful that He never stops teaching those who seek Him. He is the God of second chances.

If you looking for a new perspective on your marriage… let me suggest you dig into This Momentary Marriage by John Piper.

 

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,

And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.

Psalm 86:5

As you read through the pages of Scriptures it is painfully obvious that there is absolutely nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9). I am back in Ezekiel in my personal study time… I was reading and digging into in Ezekiel 33 when I read,

“But as for you, son of man, your fellow citizens who talk about you by the walls and in the doorways of the houses, speak to one another, each to his brother, saying, ‘Come now and hear what the message is which comes forth from the Lord.’ They come to you as people come, and sit before you as My people and hear your words, but they do not do them, for they do the lustful desires expressed by their mouth, and their heart goes after their gain. Behold, you are to them like a sensual song by one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not practice them.

Ezekiel 33:30-32

This is America… here in America the professing Christians pack out the mega church. We fill stadiums and conference centers to hear the words of Louie Giglio, Beth Moore, John Piper, Joyce Meyer, Kay Arthur, etc… We file into church on Sunday morning in our Sunday best to hear our pastor preach and either leave expounding on how great the message was or complaining because he just didn’t do it for us today and maybe we need to change churches because this guy just doesn’t evoke enough gusto into the performance for us…

We come and we hear… and then we leave.

We leave to go be entertained again…

what race is on?

what game is on?

what movie is playing?

what restaurant can we get in the quickest?

how soon can I get on my couch and take a nap?

They come to you as people come, and sit before you as My people and hear your words, but they do not do them, for they do the lustful desires expressed by their mouth, and their heart goes after their gain. Behold, you are to them like a sensual song by one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not practice them.

It’s quite horrifying actually…

Does it not strike terror in your heart?

It does mine… I am just as guilty.

Have you ever considered how many children you could afford to adopt if you chose to support the orphan instead of Hollywood. Have you ever considered how many starving mouths you could feed if you chose to use your money to put food in the mouths of children instead of drugs in the mouths of the latest pop star? Have you ever considered how many child sex slaves you could rescue if you chose to invest your money in the organizations that work to rescue them instead of the culture that works to build a desire for them through its perversions?

I can’t help but it cross my mind…

I am a teacher and a mother. I know what it feels like to teach and have people come up and say how great the lesson was… and then walk out and do exactly what you just taught against. I have been with the groups that packed out the dome and the conference center… yet when it comes down to making a personal choice how many choose…

the lustful desires expressed by their mouth, and their heart goes after their gain

Why do you go to church on Sunday’s?

When you sit under your Pastor or small group leader are you there listening to the Word of God so that you might go out the door ready to put into action what you have learned?

Or are you there critiquing them? Sitting as their judge to decide if they really “brought it” today.

Do you come to be entertained…

 Behold, you are to them like a sensual song by one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not practice them.

…or are you there to be trained?

Do you come to the Word of God to be changed or do you come to be entertained?

Look at your hands and your feet and examine where you go and what you do and answer honestly. Look at your yesterday and compare it to your today. Are you closer to Christ or further away?

&nbsp