Marriage Protection

A worthless man digs up evil,
While his words are like scorching fire.
A perverse man spreads strife,
And a slanderer separates intimate friends.
A man of violence entices his neighbor
And leads him in a way that is not good.

Proverbs 16:27-29

We live in a day where marriages are falling apart all over the place. I read these words of Scripture and I thought, wow… how many marriages have fallen apart that would have made it had this person described in Proverbs 16:27-29 not interfered?

Let’s break it down.

Whenever I read the warnings in Scripture that pertain to a person I look at them in at least three ways:

1) God, help me to recognize this person

2) God, help me to see if I am this person

3) God, help me to not be this person

We are warned that the person described as a “worthless man” in Proverbs 16:27-29 “digs up evil” and his words are described to be “like a scorching fire”. To scorch something is to cause intense heat or mental anguish,to burn a surface of so as to change its color and texture, to afflict painfully with censure or sarcasm…

Now who is the person as it relates to our marriages?

This is a person who comes up to you and says “you know before you married them I remember the time they...” and this is the person who says “how can you forgive them after they… I would have never been able to forget that” and says, “it doesn’t bother you that your spouse…”  You see this is the person who goes digging for something evil to speak about your spouse. They come at you when you are smiling… and there purpose is to wipe that smile off of your face. Their purpose is to discolor and distort the way you see your spouse. Their purpose is to cause you mental anguish over something that is in the past, or something that is assumed and may very well not even be true. God calls this person worthless.

The next person is said to be a “perverse man” and this person is someone who “spreads strife”

This is the person who sees that you and your spouse might just be on edge today. This person sees the tension and strife and instead of coming to you to help heal and mend and settle the strife… they come to spread it, share it, and increase it. This is the person who says, “oh honey, you don’t have to take that” and says “well you have every right to be mad, you better give back as good as you get!” This is the person that their eyes light up when they see that you and your spouse are fighting and they can’t wait to fan the flame… and God calls this person perverse.

The next person is a “slanderer” and they come to separate intimate friends”

There is no friend more intimate than your spouse. Anyone who comes at you with words to bring down your spouse, to speak evil of their character, to make accusations against them… you need to walk away. Now please let’s get real and understand that family is family, your spouses mother, father, brothers, and sisters, etc… they grew up with them, they know them, they love them… I am speaking of the person that is especially not family, the “friend” whether they be male or female and comes at you with words to intentional make you disconnect with your spouse. They come to drive a wedge between you and your spouse by drawing attention to small things and making them appear bigger and worse than they truly are. God calls this person a slanderer.

The next person is called a man of violence” and they come to “entice their neighbor” and lead them “in a way that is not good”

This person is the one who comes and is supposedly the answer to all your issues. They are the one who steps in and draws you to them and away from your spouse. They encourage you to walk away from the marriage. They tell you its not fixable. They tell you that you deserve better than your spouse. They tell you there is no hope, things will never change, they will never get better. They tell you its best to walk away and start over. Salvage what you have left of your life. If you have fallen out of love with them today you won’t fall back in love with them tomorrow.

Why is this person known as a man of violence? Violence is an exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse (as in warfare effecting illegal entry into a house), injury by or as if by distortion, infringement, or profanation.

This is a person of violence because they are physically and forcefully invading your house for the sole purpose of bringing injury and abuse for their own selfish pleasure or gain. They come into your house, your marriage, your union with this person, this person who you are now one flesh with and they come in to infringe on something that does not belong to them. They come to profane something that God has called holy. If this person succeeds, they kill. They violently rip through and destroy a home from the inside out. You cannot rip something that was once two and now has become one without hurt, pain, and destruction. God calls the person who does this a man of violence.

So let us pay attention to the words and warnings in this passage of Scripture in the Proverbs. Let it be used as our marriage protection and may it be a warning to us, that we be careful to help protect the marriages of others and not be a part of their destruction…

As people of God our desire should be to build up the house not tear it down.

I can look back on my life and see times when I have fit into one or more of these descriptions and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can look back on my marriage and I can hear the slimy voice of that slinky serpent as he accuses, distorts, and brings up past hurts in the midst of present trials and whispers, “see it will never get any better“. Let me tell you HE IS A LIAR! It can get better. It can get beyond better… it can get fairy tale butterflies in your stomach everyday better. It might not… but let me tell you that it indeed can. Don’t give up on God by giving up on your spouse.

In other words, in marriage you live hour by hour in glad dependence 
on God’s forgiveness and justification and promised future grace, and 
you bend it out toward your spouse hour by hour—as an extension of 
God’s forgiveness and justification and promised help.

~ John Piper

I am beyond thankful for the grace of God and His redeeming arm. I beyond thankful that He doesn’t count ignorance against us. I am beyond thankful that He never turns a deaf ear to a repentant heart and cry for forgiveness. I am beyond thankful that He never stops teaching those who seek Him. He is the God of second chances.

If you looking for a new perspective on your marriage… let me suggest you dig into This Momentary Marriage by John Piper.

 

For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,

And abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.

Psalm 86:5

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