In about two weeks I will be going through a Family Life program based for preteens with my preteen daughter and also other mom’s and dad’s with their preteen sons and daughters. The program is designed for a one on one weekend, but I have decided to tweek it to make it work for a parent/preteen lock-in weekend. Sometimes its easier for parents to discuss the “hard” issues with their kids when they see it being addressed by other parents…
In order to set a schedule for the weekend I had to scan through the all the material. Let me share with you that I am so excited about what I heard. I truly recommend this curriculum getaway for parents to experience with their kids. I recommend you begin it with them at the first sign of a pimple or the first question about sex… believe me if they have finally gotten curious enough to ask about it out loud, then it’s already been on their mind for a while.
The weekend will close on a session about dating. Too many times “dating” just sneaks up on a parent. There has been no plan made, no boundaries established, and then all of a sudden that first school dance shows up…
What?
In elementary school now?
Yes, in elementary school…
So is your child ready? Do they know what is appropriate where? Do they know how far is too far? Do they have firm, assured, united boundaries in place so that they will know how to respond… not just react.
The question really is, what is your child’s definition of love?
In the curriculum’s dating session a young man shares his story. He shares how he and his sixteen year old best friend, the best friend that went to church with him all their lives, the best friend that experienced the silver ring thing, the true love waits stuff, and the youth pastors messages on sex outside of the marriage covenant. The best friend that the two of them made a pact together that they would remain pure for their wives… yes that one.
He shared how they were out one night and the best friend told him how he and his girlfriend had actually rented a hotel room and had sex. The sixteen year old best friend shared the news and expected the young man to slap him on the back with a locker room “way to go” but that’s not what he got. The young man was angry and he let his best friend know that he was angry.
The best friend responded that he and his girlfriend loved each other and they had decided this was the right time for them to express their love to one another and if he ever really fell in love he would understand and he was sorry that “his morals” didn’t agree with him. The young man looked at his friend and asked, “my morals? my morals? these were OUR morals!”
Several years later… and several girlfriends later, now in college, the best friend called the young man to announce his engagement to the latest girlfriend and how in love he was with her… but the young man said he gave his congratulations with halfheartedness because his mind was still on their friend from high school… the girl his best friend supposedly so loved then.
The young man then shared about a newlywed couple that he had met at church… they had picked him up and they were on their way somewhere, both men up front, the young bride in the back… and the young man shared how they couldn’t keep their hands or glances of each other. The driver reaching in the back, the bride reaching up front, so they could hold hands from front seat to back… and the young man asked the question… did they wait?
This couple had waited. They had waited on each other. Then when they were together and in love they waited for each other. The young man asked if it was hard to wait? And the couple exclaimed, Well yes the desire was there, but no it wasn’t a struggle. They loved each other and the best way they knew to show their love for one another was to protect one another. Their first kiss was at the altar, the most they did was hold hands…
This young man had known two couples who both used the same word love, to explain what motivated them to act in completely opposite ways. One couple used the word love to justify taking advantage of each others bodies before marriage, the other used it to justify protecting one another’s bodies until marriage. For one, love was impatient and demanded compromise, for the other love built integrity and gave them the patience they needed to wait.
So the question again… what is your definition of love? How do you display love to your child? Do you give in and compromise with them? Or do you show them love through standing firm on the boundaries set for them?
What is your child’s definition of love?
Let me encourage you today to sit down with your child and find out…