He who withholds his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
Proverbs 13:24
Today in my personal study time I was in Ezekiel 40-42. As I read through these verses of Scripture trying to imagine what Ezekiel must have felt as he experienced this amazing vision and feeling the overwhelming desire myself to have palm tree ornaments placed all over my house… my mind caught attention to the rod in the angels hand that was used to measure the temple.
As I read about the measuring rod in Ezekiel 40 my mind went to the rod mentioned in the Proverbs. As I was studying I jotted down in my notebook, spare the rod – spoil the child – the rod is used as a measuring tool in Scripture. After I came to a stopping point in my Ezekiel study time I began researching the rod.
The rod is mentioned quite often in Scripture. The first mention of a rod is in Genesis 30 with Jacob. Jacob uses this rod to separate his sheep from Laban’s. Then in Numbers we see that the leaders of tribes were given rods. Moses had a rod, Aaron had a rod. The rod became a symbol of authority. Then in the book of Job we see the rod become a tool of discipline. Finally in Ezekiel we see it as a tool for measuring.
In Genesis 30 the word rods is maqqel and it means rod, staff, rod, stick, staff (in travel), wand (of diviner)
In Numbers 17 the word rod is matteh and it means staff, branch, tribe, staff, rod, shaft, branch (of vine), tribe, company led by chief with staff (originally)
In Job 9 the word rod is shebet and it means rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, sceptre, tribe, rod, staff, shaft (of spear, dart), club (of shepherd’s implement), truncheon, sceptre (mark of authority), clan, tribe
In Ezekiel the word rod is qaneh and it means reed, stalk, bone, balances, stalk, water-plant, reed, calamus (aromatic reed), derived meanings, measuring-rod, reed (as unit of measure – 6 cubits), beam (of scales – for scales themselves), shaft (of lampstand), branches (of lampstand), shoulder-joint
Well, after that lesson in Hebrew translations you can see that a rod is not just a rod 🙂 We have to look a little deeper into the word to understand the full benefit. With all that being said, lets get into the whole spare the rod spoil the child thing.
When we look at the Hebrew translation of the word rod in Proverbs 13:24 we see that the word rod in this verse is shebet, the same as in Job 9. As I read this definition of the word rod in the context of this Scripture, this is what I see:
He who withholds his mark of authority hates his son.
Our children have got to have the mark of authority. They have to know clearly who to obey. As we look further into this verse we see that they also have to know this early.
The word diligently in Proverbs 13:24 is shachar and it means to seek, seek early or earnestly, look early or diligently for, to look for diligently, see, to seek, seek early. As I read this definition of this word in the context of this Scripture this is what I see:
He who loves him disciplines him early. He earnestly looks early for areas that need correction.
You see, for me this verse in the Proverbs, where we get the phrase spare the rod spoil the child has absolutely nothing to do with beating our children into submission. It has everything to do with leading them in the right direction from the very beginning. It has everything to do with our children knowing who the authority figure is in their life. It has everything to do with a being a parent that is studying their child and doesn’t wait for an issue to explode before they address it.
If you deal with an issue at first sight then it doesn’t have the opportunity to escalate. Our children never threw tantrums. They never threw tantrums because their very first attempt at one was dealt with immediately. They never hit us because the first time they attempted to we dealt with it clearly and firmly. They have never told us “no” or back-talked us, because when the first attempt of “no mommy” began to come out of their mouths it was dealt with immediately. We never counted to three. We never sent idle threats. Nor did we, or do we, ever allow anyone else to undermine our authority with our kids. No one. Absolutely no one overrode any of our decisions or choices concerning our children. Not grandparents, not aunts or uncles, not the school system, not the government, and certainly not them.
When we deal with an issue of correction immediately the correction is much gentler, their is much less to it, it is so much less harsh. Just like anything else we choose to ignore in this life… the longer we ignore it the more difficult correcting it becomes. We must address issues of correction early in our children.
One of the issues I see today is that in general many kids don’t know who is in control, so therefore they are out of control.
The parents send their kids to school or even daycare and the schools have the parents jumping telling them what they can and can not do with their kid and that the parents have to send the schools explanations for what the parents do with their kids and when. Parents are wringing their hands making sure they have all the doctor excuses and fill out all the details and say yes sir and no ma’am to who can go on what field trip and when and how many times they can check their kid out of school… and the kids are watching. Mom and Dad don’t call the shots. The school system does.
Then the kid gets in trouble at school and the parents turn around and tell the schools how they can or can’t discipline their kids. Kids see the schools can’t do anything to them if they break the rules… so the schools control their parents… and the parents tie the hands of the schools…
So what you have in the middle is this kid who really has no authority figure over them because the authority figures cancel each other out.
Thus they, the kids, are out of control… because no one actually has a mark of authority on them.
Notice also that definition of rod in Proverbs 13:24, rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, sceptre, tribe, rod, staff, shaft (of spear, dart), club (of shepherd’s implement), truncheon, sceptre (mark of authority), clan, tribe. Notice that not only is it meant as a mark of authority, it is meant to denote a clan, a tribe, a family. As I read this definition of this word in the context of this Scripture this is what I see:
He who withholds his his clan, his tribe, his family hates his son.
Our kids need a family.
Why do we have gangs?
Kids need a clan. They need a tribe. They need a family. They need a family with a clear mark of authority at its head. Never, ever, ever, ever, let the enemy of our souls convince you that your kids do not need a family. It doesn’t have to be perfect… My goodness, look at the kids that prefere a gang that beats them into initiation rather than being without a family at all… think about it.
Don’t let the enemy destroy your family.
Don’t let the enemy lead you to undermine the authority of the head of that family. Mom your job is to lead your children in the way that you show respect to their father. If you respect him, they will.
and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
Dads, your children see how you love them by the love they see you give their mother. Love her according to Scripture… not according to the world. The more love you give, the greater the respect you receive.
So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Ephesians 5:28
Spare the rod spoil the child?
No.
Spare the family, the mark of authority, hate the child.