I was driven to my knees last night. In all honesty it has been a while since I knelt by my beside to pray before I pulled the covers back and collapsed in the bed. Last night I did.
In ministry and in leadership we find ourselves carrying a lot of the burdens of others. We feel responsible and we take ownership of others struggles so that we can pray… or at least I do. I am learning this is an ADHD thing as well. I can feel your feels.
I don’t just hear what you are you are going though and move on. I hear what you are going through and then my mind immediately goes into a search of a similar experience that I have had and all the emotions of it come rushing back to me so that I feel what you are feeling as closely as I can so that I can relate and connect. My brain does this without my permission.
This is all well and good, because it is just me. It has always been me. It’s why there are movies I can’t watch, music I can’t listen to, and books I can’t read. It’s the reason I threw my Bible down when I was 23 years old after reading Judges 19 and told God that I wanted nothing more to do with Him. I feel the feels of others as my own.
I have been able to see this as a blessing in ministry, but somedays it gets to be too much. Some days was yesterday. In the rational thought and measuring our yesterday up against the problems of so many others in the world I find myself almost ashamed that it became too much, but then I remember that Jesus doesn’t measure our cares and tell us to consider which ones are actually important enough to be considered as real burdens. He said ALL who are weary and heavy-laden to come to Him and He WILL give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30).
So last night I knelt by my bed and gave Him all the burdens that I cannot carry… which is all of them. I am only designed to carry my burdens and the burdens of others long enough to cast them on to Jesus. They will kill me if I try to carry them on my own. Even if they seem like I should be able to handle it. Even if they seem little and insignificant compared to the burdens of others. Even if the lies of the enemy try to tell me I am weak for not being fill-in-the-blank “enough.”
In Ezekiel 34:12 the LORD is speaking of the restoring of the nation of Israel and He says “As a shepherd cares for his herd in the day when he is among his scattered sheep, so I will care for My sheep and will deliver them from all the places to which they were scattered on a cloudy and gloomy day.” I look at the nation of Israel today as proof that if our God can care for, deliver from, and restore an entire nation He can care for, deliver from, and restore me and everyone I bring to Him and anyone else that calls out to Him.
The too much days are only too much if we try to convince ourselves the responsibility lies on us to do all the caring, delivering and restoring when the simply reality is we can do none of those things. True care, true deliverance, true restoration only occurs by the hand of the Good Shepherd. He alone can give rest to our souls.
So if you need rest today, come to the Good Shepherd. Cry out to the One who is calling out to you because He does care for you. He really is the One who leaves the ninety-nine to come after the one who is lost, wounded, forgotten, overwhelmed, afraid, ashamed, broken, bound up or weighed down. He has no hidden agenda. His only desire is to care for, deliver from, and restore you to Himself.