I have a lot I could say after twenty years in ministry and forty-five years and almost six months as a female. I have a lot I could say as a wife and a mother of three girls. I have a lot I could say, and I don’t know exactly what will transpire between my head, heart, and keyboard as I type this out, but I’m just going to start and see where it goes.
I am angry.
I am hurt.
I am grieved.
I am dumbfounded.
Let me start here:
Jared Moore (@jaredhmoore) on Twitter writes, “The Billy Graham rule–Never be alone with a woman who is not your wife–should still be followed by all pastors, deacons, etc. You’ll never fall sexually if you follow this simple rule. #SBC22#SBC2022#ChangeTheDirection”
My response: “This is not about falling sexually. This is about sexual abuse. This is about abuse of power. This is about sexual predators. This is about Ezekiel 34. Women are not the problem. Children are not the problem. Men covering up and excusing grievous abuse of power is the problem.”
Dear Pastor, if your response to the SBC Guidepost investigation report is the same as Mr Moore’s please know that I find you the problem. Let me break this down for you. You say a woman has no place of authority in the church. You say she cannot be a Pastor or Deacon or serve on staff as a Minister. Then you say that you can never be alone with a woman that is not your wife. So where does that leave the women, the young girls, in your congregation?
Who do the women go to in order to seek help? What trained person do they go to in order to seek answers for their theological and personal questions in the faith? And if your only response is an older female in the congregation, then what you just told me is that your theological degree and paycheck is irrelevant and unneeded to teach the deep things of God because an older man in the congregation is sufficient. We cannot refuse women representation and then refuse to minister to them.
So dear sirs if you can’t trust yourself around women and girls that are not your wife then you need to not be serving as a Pastor.
I am a woman. I sit alone undressed with nothing but an open gown before a male doctor and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by my presence.
I am a woman. I sit alone in a room with a lawyer with my right to attorney client privilege and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by my presence.
I am a woman. I sit alone on the side of the road with a police officer and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by my presence.
I am a woman. I sit alone in the office with my professor discussing my grade and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by my presence.
I am a woman. I sit alone in the office of my supervisor going over my yearly job evaluation discussing a raise and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by presence.
I am a woman. I sit on a bench alone by my coach discussing my growth or weaknesses as a player and he is expected to not be sexually aroused by my presence.
I am a woman, but I cannot sit alone in a room with my Pastor to discuss my questions of faith because I cannot trust him to not be sexually aroused by my presence. I am told my mere presence is a danger to him. I could cause him to sin, to stumble, to fall into sexual lust because I exist in the body that the Lord of all Creation specifically designed for me. I am told I am the problem.
All these other men, who may or may not be Spirit filled believers are able to be trusted with the presence of my female body, but a man who serves in a position that by it’s very design is supposed to be held by someone of holiness and godliness filled with the very Spirit of God that raised Jesus Christ from the dead can’t manage enough self-control to see me as a person, as a sister, as a mother, and not an object of lust, so he must live by a rule to never be alone with a woman that is not his wife.
What does this say about his relationship with his daughters, with his daughters’ friends, with his nieces, with his sisters, with his sisters’ friends, with his mother, with his mother’s friends. What does it say about our culture when we have to assume that every interaction between a male and a female is potentially dangerous and not a safe place to be? What does it say when we are more concerned with a man’s reputation than a woman’s representation? When does she become “safe” to be around?
How has this, for so very long, been so normal to us in the church? If a man can’t be trusted to be alone with another woman, the woman is not the problem, the man is. He is a grown man. He is physically stronger. He cannot be raped by a woman. He has the power and ability to leave the room and the situation. However, on the other hand, a woman usually does not.
Stop making it her fault. Do better.
Being alone with another woman should not be an “appearance of evil” There is a better way to guard yourself from fear of the “Potipher’s wife” situation.
I am currently studying in the book of Philippians. This letter begins,
“Paul and Timothy, bond-servants of Christ Jesus, to all the saints in Christ Jesus who are in Philippi, including the overseers and deacons: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:1-2)
The letter to the Philippians is to ALL the saints, including the overseer and the deacons. When we look up the Greek words used for overseer and deacon in this passage we that the role of the overseer is to provide personalized care and protection. We see that it is not a position of authority over others, but a position of care FOR others. We see that the role of deacon is for both women and men.
God made a way to help His Church not fall into corruption.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)
He gave ALL those who are saved by grace through faith in Christ spiritual gifts for the edifying and equipping of the body of Christ. If we would build our local congregations according to the spiritual gifts of the Spirit of God dwelling within the inner being of the people of God instead of the outward appearance of the flesh… then maybe just maybe we would have the correct checks and balances at work in the Kingdom of God to see the excellencies of His majesty made manifest to the world.