Category Archives: Confessions of a Christian Wife

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

>Tongue Taming

>

Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

As I serve in ministry in the church and share with others outside the church the most common complaint against the church, the most ready reason for not attending or getting involved in church, and the most heralded hurt that happens in the church, seems to be rooted in words. 

The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels,
And they go down into the innermost parts of the body.
Proverbs 18:8

Whether it be gossip or just others using their words as a weapon or even worse taking God’s Word and twisting it and using it as a weapon to hurt another person. This weapon is to be used to defeat the spiritual forces of darkness it is not to be unsheathed to defeat and destroy man or as an attempt to beat someone down. The Word is to be used in love not in spite and not in a spirit of superiority.

How long will you torment me
And crush me with words?
Job 19:2
 
We ladies have been given the stereotype of “gossipers”, yet please know that I am well aware that men are just as gossipy. Male and female, we need to watch what we say and we also need to be careful what and who we choose to listen to…even if, no especially if, we personally know we don’t believe a word they say… 
 
An evildoer listens to wicked lips;
A liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.
Proverbs 17:4
 
This is the way of the world…
 
…we live in a day of hearsay, when few people pass along information that is precise and reliable. Do you? Are you careful about what you say? Do you have the facts? Do you offer proof that the information you are conveying is correct? While there are occasions when it’s appropriate to pass along needed and serious information to the right sources, there’s a growing preoccupation with rumor and slander. Half truths and innuendos become juicy morsels in the mouths of unreliable gossips. There is no way to measure the number of people who have been hurt by rumor, exaggeration, and hearsay.
Perhaps you have suffered this yourself.
Be careful what you say. Be careful how you say it. Be careful that you send the right message, that you send it to the right person, and that you do so with the right motive. ~ Swindoll
 
My husband and I have often discussed that one of the hardest parts of parenting is teaching our children how to discern between “need shared information” and “tattle-telling”. We have tried to teach them when and as the opportunity arises because we just have not discovered another way to get the point across.
 
One thing we do is ask them to seek out the reason they are sharing the information they are sharing.
 
Is it just to get someone caught and in trouble?
Is this something that will hurt this person if not shared?
Is this something that the person asked you not to share?
And if they did why and would you want them to share this on you?
And if you are sharing it, why are you sharing it?
Is it just to show what you know about them?
Or is it because you know they need help concerning what they shared and you know you can’t help?
Are you sharing up or side to side?
 
We try to teach them that there will be times in their own lives that they will want someone to keep a secret for them. There are times when we can address an issue with an individual and correct them and keep it all between them and us. And if they are truly sharing to help someone, they will share up, not side to side. Which means they will share with someone who has the power to help not just another “friend” who can do nothing.
 
We try to teach our girls that they need to be each others best friends not each others worst enemies. An enemy seeks to get you caught, a friend seeks to help you out of the trap. An enemy wants to throw you in the fire, while a friend seeks to snatch you from the fire. An enemy will reveal your secret to hurt you, yet a friend only reveals when they realize it is the only way they can get help.
 
There is a time to keep a secret.
I love what Swindoll says in the following quote,
 
There is an unexplainable air of mystery about a woman, an unpredictability that men find intriguing. Esther’s ability to restrain herself only heightens the mystery—especially her verbal restraint. She knew much more than she told. She could keep a secret. Verbal restraint is fast becoming a forgotten virtue. ~ Swindoll
 
A woman who can control her tongue is indeed a woman of virtue.
Ladies are you a friend who can keep a secret?
Can you be trusted with the hurts and failures and frustrations of another without passing judgment or without fueling a fire?
Are you still stuck in the toddler/child cycle of the tattle-tale?
Can someone come to you and share their hurts or are you the one that causes others to cringe because they know you just saw them fail, falter, or stumble?
Can you correct, rebuke, exhort, and keep it between you and them?
Or do you always feel the need to share what you saw, what you did, what you know?
 
Learn to keep confidences. Come to be known for keeping secrets! It’s part of having character marked by strength and dignity. ~ Swindoll
 
Taming the tongue…
A soothing tongue is a tree of life,
But perversion in it crushes the spirit.
Proverbs 15:4
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26

 
But it’s more than just speaking in truth and with kindness, it’s also knowing when not to speak.
I read a quote somewhere that said something like, “never miss a good opportunity to shut up”.
 
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable,
But he who restrains his lips is wise.
Proverbs 10:19
 
The damage that has been done in and outside of the church, in families, in friendships, in workplaces, and even in our nation, over hear-say and over sharing information that needed not be shared… oh my it’s massive.
 
O LORD, who may abide in Your tent?
Who may dwell on Your holy hill?
He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness,
And speaks truth in his heart.
He does not slander with his tongue,
Nor does evil to his neighbor,
Nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
Proverbs 15:2-3
 
I know the hurt of words well…
I imagine most of us do.
May we learn from our own hurts and make the choice to not use our own words to hurt another the way we have been hurt ourselves.


Confessions of a Christian Wife

>Dragging…

>So I have not posted since… the 12th I think, that was last Wednesday. That’s pretty unusual for me. I am usually a daily poster, but the past few days have been quite dragging. I am in a place today of feeling like a weight is baring down on me. It’s a strange tired. It’s a tired that I usually can shake out of, but today it has lingered on.

Ever had those days?

It’s not a blah day really, it’s truly an unseen heaviness.

It could simply be that thirty-five is creeping up on me and I am feeling the weight of too many nights in a row of not getting in bed before midnight… 

It could be that I am still in the hormone slump of my female stuff, as I continue on. I find myself anaemic quite often…

Or it could be the spiritual oppression that always hits around this time of year. The enemy of my soul always seems to up his anty during my church’s fall drama The Judgment Seat. It is well under way, opening night is two weeks from today.

Either way… I have been short with my girls for no real apparent reasons and I don’t like myself at all right now. I feel tired, weary, heavy, and grumpy. My shoulders are slumped and my back is not straight and my head is not held high. I am by no means at this moment rejoicing in the Lord, or counting anything all joy, I most certainly could not be a light to anyone in this state of my flesh.

So as I shove down my second cup of coffee and pour my third in a carry-out cup, we head out the door for basketball practice…

Tonight I think I will plan to be in the bed before midnight, no matter what gets left undone.

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

>Cultivating Character

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>Encouraging the cultivation of character is exactly what wise parents do, nudging, urging their children toward maturity. As a parent, you have occasions in your life, brief vignettes, little windows of time, where you can step forward and help your children to understand the value of being brave. As they grow up and those hands-on occasions change to a more distant relationship, you must call upon your children to stand for what they believe, even if they must stand alone—and then trust them to do it without you alongside.
~ Swindoll

We had an eventful morning in the Vaughn household. My girls are playing basketball. We are playing in the area that we will be living in when our house sells. We began playing ball in this area this past spring. We received a phone call this morning that our girls would not be allowed to continue to play due to our current address. 

Oh I was heartbroke.

You see my girls missed basketball season last year because they spent it in the hospital and at my mom’s helping take care of their Aunt Tracy. My girls were wonderful if I do say so myself. They spent many days doing school in the STICU waiting room and then willingly were drug to my mom’s to do school in her kitchen while I cared for my sister. They got to see how a family takes care of each other and they loved being a part of it, even if it was just running up stairs to get a towel or holding a drink for my sister. They were not bitter at all, they understood when I explained how Aunt Tracy needed us now and basketball would be there next season.

So they were so excited to be playing this year. They had met there coach, their team, ordered uniforms, and had a practice… they were crushed when I delivered the news…

Now my first response in feelings was anger, then hurt, then deception. I thought, no I said, just let me refill out the paperwork I will put my parent’s address. I was ready to reach into my roledex and pull out whatever names I needed to in order to keep my girls on that team.

Then I knew that the only name I needed to pull out was Jesus Christ.

So I went to my girls and we stood in the middle of our living room and we held hands and we prayed. We prayed that God would open the doors for them to be able to play if it was His will. We prayed that He would do it according to the rules with no manipulation on my part. We prayed also that He would sell our house so we wouldn’t have to go through this again. We prayed that His will be done, and we said in Jesus name, and amen, and we began school.

Not even an hour later the phone rings.

Guess what? There is no 9-10 yr old girls basketball team in our current area so according to the rules Shelby could play any where she wanted! And also according to the rules Bekah could play up on Shelby’s team!!

I could not wait to tell my girls. I cried and looked up to my God and told Him, Thank You!!!

I came in and shared the God-news with my girls and Shelby ran and jumped in my arms and Bekah joyfully exclaimed, “Momma, God answered us quick!”

Oh how good He is!!

How thankful I am that God convicted my heart to turn this over to Him and trust Him with it. In doing so He used it as an awesome opportunity to display His glory, His love, His concern, and His realness to His girls!

Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
Confessions of a Christian Wife, Uncategorized

Ugh Nightmares!

confessions

When I was younger I used to be able to handle the “scary movie” or at least I thought I was handling them anyway. I remember one that I used to watch that was called Nightmare on Elm Street. These “nightmares” centered around blood and gore and other just really gross stuff. This was Hollywood’s idea of a nightmare.

As a grown woman and a mother of three I learned along time ago that real life was scary enough, I did not need Hollywood helping me out in the nightmare area. My own mind was sufficient enough to scare me to death. I certainly did not need to visit Freddie, Michael, Jason, or the Candyman to have the snot scared out of me. I also know there are demons, they are real, the Bible tells me that plainly. I don’t need Hollywood’s depiction of them, I’ll just take God’s word and I’ll learn from those who have been a part of casting them out, not glorifying them for money.

Last night I had one of my scariest nightmares, this is a repeated one, but it comes in different forms, but it’s the same theme. I am in a busy place with my girls, last night it reminded me of New Orleans, but it was a festival time, there were acrobats and those people that juggle while walking on really tall stilts, and people everywhere. I had both my girls and we were trying to find something or someone, I don’t remember, all I remember is looking down and Bekah was gone.

I then hit panic. I take a death grip on Shelby as I look frantically for Bekah, then I turn around and I now have my nieces and nephews and even some of the kids from our church with me. I want to run to find Bekah, but I can’t now because the rest of the children with me wouldn’t be able to keep up and I fear losing one of them. I finally begin to scream Bekah’s name and the place just seems to magnify in size and the crowd of people multiplies, my heart is pounding, and I can’t breathe, and at the same time I don’t want to scare or lose the other children.

Finally something in me begins to register and I think “Oh God let this be a dream, please let it be a dream!” I manage to wake myself up and look and my Bekah and my Shelby are safe in the bed asleep.

Deep sigh of relief…

Yes, I still had to look at them before my heart stopped pounding. Just waking and discovering I was in a dream was not enough. I wanted physical evidence that they were safe under my wing.

As a wife and mother, this is my nightmare.

I do not fear to the point of nightmares about my child being sick or hurt, I do not want them sick or hurt, but this does not cause me to wake up in a heart pounding cold sweat. However, losing my children, having someone steal my children, this is my nightmare. I can’t stand the thought of it. This indeed gives me nights filled with sheer terror.

When David arose in the morning,
the word of the LORD came to the prophet Gad,
David’s seer, saying,  “Go and speak to David,
‘Thus the LORD says, “I am offering you three things;
choose for yourself one of them, which I will do to you.”’
So Gad came to David and told him,
and said to him,
“Shall seven years of famine come to you in your land?
Or will you flee three months before your foes while they pursue you?
Or shall there be three days’ pestilence in your land?
Now consider and see
what answer I shall return to Him who sent me.” 
Then David said to Gad,
“I am in great distress.
Let us now fall into the hand of the LORD
for His mercies are great,
but do not let me fall into the hand of man.”
2 Samuel 24:11-14
This is one of my prayers to my God. “Father, please let my children fall into Your hands, for Your mercy is great, please do not let them fall into the hands of man.” For me there is no worse thing than to not know where my children are or who has them.
It’s just not natural for a mother to not have all her chicks under her wing. This is why the hen will peck your eyes out and the dog bite your hand off and the bear knock your head off. Don’t mess with the babies!
Ecclesiastes 3:3 says…
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
I joke that this momma will have a prison ministry if anyone ever lays a hand on one of my babies… but then again not so sure I am really joking.
Confessions of a Christian Wife, Uncategorized

>One Fine Day

>Oh me… it’s ball season again.

Two kids on two different teams… two new different schedules to add to an already crazy calendar.

This is life.

You know there are those days that flow wonderfully and I look back on those days and I think, if I could do this that day why can’t I manage it everyday?

I should have known today would be “one fine day” when the strange dog started barking right outside our front door before daylight, which started our inside dog barking before daylight, which woke up our 7 yr old before daylight.

I put the 7 year old back to bed, let the inside dog out to run off the strange outside dog then brought the inside dog back in and locked the doors and tried to be still for my quiet time with God before… well… my “quiet time before the house wakes up” just wasn’t going to happen on this fine day.   

Monday is co-op day. Love, love it! But it also means having me and my girls dressed and ready and packed and loaded down with whatever we need for the day and out the door by hopefully 8am. This usually is not that big of an issue, but today we added basketball season to our calendar.

Of course, my girls have to go and grow on us so we needed basketball shoes… and we needed a cop costume, because my Bekah had decided she must be a cop.

So after co-op set-up, co-op classes, and co-op break-down, we head out for shoes and costumes, finishing in just enough time to get to the first ball practice that ended at 6pm, then literally run out when it’s over to get across town to another gym for the second ball practice that had started at 6pm.

Of course we get there and can’t find the team… and why not? Well because this one’s practice is tomorrow night… and now I clearly remember writing that on the calendar at home… oh well.  

Did I mention the husband left to go out of town this morning for the week as well…
Oh and yeh… it’s hell week… again, ugh… so my temperament and patience… well lots of deep breaths today.

Yep, one fine day.

I think I might have managed to get through it without scarring my children too much with all the “pick a costume already!” and the “Look we’ll leave without one, I really am not all that excited about spending money on a costume you are going to wear maybe one time anyway, it’ll suit me just fine to walk out with nadda.”    

I mean good grief have you seen these costumes??? Fish-net stocking fire women for an 8-10 yr old little girl??? Really? And the nurse? My goodness, I looked at my Shelby and said, “You can be a real fireman, but sorry not a fish-net stocking one and ummm as for the nurse, does Aunt Tracy wear that to work? Yeh, I didn’t think so.”

So we left with one cop and one dragon slaying dazzling ninja.  
Made it to one ball practice.
Made it late to the other, to find out we didn’t have it all.

Then as I am still contemplating on whether to pout about my time mismanagement skills or just be glad I am going to get home an hour and half earlier than I expected, we had a momma deer and her spotted fawn step out of the woods into the road and stop right in front of our car. I had to come to a complete stop and my girls and I just watched this doe and her fawn and we all just giggled and smiled all the rest of the way home.

Yep, one fine day 🙂

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

>Hurt By The Church

>Okay we are going back to the journal, today we are visiting April 17th, 2003. I am just going to share an excerpt here because this entry was a doozy!

Father, 
I need You so much right now. I feel like I am under attack from every angle. Since I committed to Save-A-Life it seems like everyone is out for me. You know the situation with *****. I just want to say How Dare You, Do You Have A Clue What I’ve Gone Through Just To Be Here At All? but I know that is my flesh and I need to ignore it, but that doesn’t make it any easier… 
I love You Lord and I trust in You.
In Jesus Name,
Amen

Whew, in this entry I was one hurting young lady. I remember the tears that flowed as I penned this prayer to my God. As I said, this was just the beginning, a small excerpt, of the hurts that I poured out that day in the pages of my journal.

One of these great hurts was coming from someone in my church. I had just been reprimanded for being late and due to this day I quit teaching the class that I was over. I was devastated and humiliated. Of course what the one who did the reprimanding saw was just me coming in late. What they didn’t see was the fact that I was a young mother who had a baby that had not slept more than 45 minutes at a time since birth and I had a husband who worked night shift and did not attend church regularly with me at that time. I also worked outside the home part-time.

I was worn out and doing the best I could. I had a desire to serve and to teach and to be an active serving part of the church and at this moment I could have said fine see if I’ll be back ever. But that was not the call I made.

I chose grace.

I was hurt, but I chose forgiveness.

And the thing is the one who made this reprimand is to this day one of the dearest people I have ever known and I love them greatly still.

They were not evil. They were not out to get me. The enemy attempted to set up destruction, but he failed, and the love of God prevailed. I still continued in my church and continued teaching my other class.

Had I walked away from God and His church at this time in 2003… oh my the blessings I would have missed! The friendships I would have never gained, the eternal lives I would have never been a part of, the opportunities to love, laugh, cry, encourage, serve, grow… all missed if I had of chosen to hold this hurt in bitterness and throw my hands in the air and turn my back to the church.

I wish I could say this was the last hurt I ever experienced in the church, but it’s not. I’ve lost count of the times I have been on my face before God in tears over the hurt delivered to me through someone in the church, in my church, the one I am still a member in. We just don’t leave because of hurt feelings, because this is where God has planted me and my family. Feelings lie. Feelings don’t see the whole picture. They are selfish and nearsighted and prone to exaggerate and manipulate.

Jesus does not forsake me because I have hurt His feelings… so I shall not forsake Him because someone in His body hurt mine. His body is immature and in a growth process. It’s not attained perfection yet, it’s not complete yet, there is still lots of growing up to do in the church and if the parts of the body keep forsaking the body then how on earth is it ever to grow up?

And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ; until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:11-16
 
If the joints and ligaments keep checking out because of a bout of arthritis the body is never going to get anywhere. We don’t forsake our earthly bodies because a part of it is hurting us and not working right so why should we forsake our spiritual body because it’s hurting us and not working right? When it’s our physical body we try to get to the bottom of the hurt and fix hit, we don’t just walk away from it.
 
I can guarantee you that if you regularly and actively attend a fellowship of believers at some point and time someone will hurt you.
It’s a family.
Families hurt each other sometimes- but the love always outweighs the hurt.
 
To share a quote about the home:
 
A true home is one of the most sacred of places. It is a sanctuary into which men flee from the world’s perils and alarms. It is a resting-place to which at close of day the weary retire to gather new strength for the battle and toils of tomorrow. It is the place where love learns its lessons, where life is schooled into discipline and strength, where character is molded. ~ J.R. Miller
 
There is a reason we say “This is my church home”
If we can’t learn to model and give grace and mercy and forgiveness and love within the church to fellow believers, how on earth do we expect to learn to give it to those who are lost and know God not?
 
Before you leave a church because you have been hurt by the church… seek God.
Ask Him to give you eyes to see past what your flesh feels.
Bring the hurt to Him.
Seek Him in His Word.
Talk to a trusted believer who will not begin a gossip ring, but will speak truth to you and keep your confidence.
Whatever you do, don’t just leave to be leaving.
 
Then Peter came and said to Him,
“Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me
 and I forgive him?
Up to seven times?” 
Jesus said to him,
“I do not say to you, up to seven times,
 but up to seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
 
Let us also not forget that we were told that there would be tares among the wheat until the day Christ comes to reap.
 
Jesus presented another parable to them, saying,
“The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went away. But when the wheat sprouted and bore grain, then the tares became evident also.  The slaves of the landowner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ And he said to them, ‘An enemy has done this!’ The slaves said to him, ‘Do you want us, then, to go and gather them up?’ But he said, ‘No; for while you are gathering up the tares, you may uproot the wheat with them. Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.”
Matthew 13:24:30 
 
 
 
Confessions of a Christian Wife, Uncategorized

>Volunteers Anonymous

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>This post is going back to the journal. Today we are traveling back in time to April 17, 2003…

Father,
Thank You for Your faithfulness. I love You Lord and I love my husband. Thank You for the assurance that me and Patrick were meant to be together. Thank You Father for humbling me and opening my eyes to the fact that I was neglecting my family in Your name. In trying to grow closer to You and being a light to the world, I was starting to keep my family, especially Patrick, in the dark. And my family is where Your light in me should shine the brightest. Thank You Father for Your discipline. I love You Lord.
In Jesus Name,
Amen  

Oh how I wish I could say that on April 17th, 2003 I conquered this struggle, but I can’t. It is a constant battle for me. Just this week we attended our Shelby’s basketball team meeting and the coach asked for volunteers to help assistants coach and keep book, automatically my hand is compelled to go up and I look at my husband and I know that even though I was an all-county player, even though I love coaching, even though I hate sitting on the sidelines for anything, even though I want to make the memories with my girls as “coach” I physically just cannot do this and most importantly God did not call me to do it.

As soon as we got in the truck to leave my girls were going but “Momma why didn’t you coach?” And my husband looks at me and says something like, “I saw you, I saw that hand trying to go up at the word “volunteer”, somebody says something about volunteering and automatically you think you have to be the one to do it.” 

It’s the truth. I am a hands on person. I never liked sitting the bench. I never want to just sit on the sidelines. I want to get my hands dirty. I want to be involved. I jump in either headfirst or with both feet, rarely do I cautiously test the waters with a little toe or contemplate the pros and cons. All I can see around me are the things that need done and the things I could help with and sometimes I forget to check with God and my husband first before I say “YES!”     

I used to honestly believe that if an opportunity presented itself it was because God had sent it and I was just to accept it and rejoice. I just wanted to serve Him and be used by Him to do anything! I never wanted to say no to God ever again and I did not ever want to live for myself again, only Him, to do His will, not mine.

I have come to realize that I am addicted to the validation that comes from serving. As a stay-at-home mom and housewife I do not receive awards or promotions. Rarely does anyone walk by and peek in and say,

“Mrs Vaughn, you did a wonderful job folding that laundry and getting that bathroom scrubbed to perfection. I think we will give you a raise”
or 
“Mrs Vaughn, you handled yourself so well today as you managed to balance that budget and meet all our monthly commitments and still manage to pull in a profit to stick in the savings for future investments, how about a promotion and a raise!” 
or
“Mrs Vaughn I understand that you’ve been on call 24/7 for the last 7 days as you nursed this child through this illness I think it’s time for some paid vacation”

And I suppose my worst frustration is the fact that the job is never really accomplished. The dishes will never all be done, the laundry will never all be clean, the bills will never all be paid… the sense of accomplishment comes in spurts and never lasts long because it’s not like you ever get to close the book on a task and stamp it with done. You are continuously cleaning up the same messes. And it seems no one appreciates the mess you clean up because within an hour all your hard-work is destroyed as though you never even did it.

But the truth is, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Not the frustrations, not the lack of awards and recognition, not the lack of a paycheck, because I do what I do because I love my God and I love my family. One mother’s day card, one hug, one thank you, one I love… makes it all worth it.

So as for the volunteering. I am going to serve. I have been called to serve. I am a missionary for Christ. I love ministry. I love helping others. I am called to ministry just as every believer is called to ministry. But I have learned that I cannot be all things to all people all the time. I cannot be a part of everything, no matter how much my heart longs to just get involved. It took me a while to understand the difference between serving God and doing church. Church is not something I do, it is who I am. If my marriage and children are missing the best of me under the guise of serving God, then something is off. I am overextended and am doing something that God did not call me to do.

Please know that I am far from victorious in this area of my life. I can even justify myself in my addiction by blaming my husband for not being understanding or too demanding or blaming my children for not respecting “my time”, yet this is what an addict does isn’t it?

Signs of volunteer addiction (adapted from signs of drug addiction)

1. Usage Increase – Over time, it is common for individuals addicted to volunteering to grow tolerant to the effects of normal volunteering. If someone you know seems to be increasing his/her volunteer time past the normal healthy allotted time within a 24 hr period, this is an indication that the are suffering from volunteer addiction
2. Change in Personality – Changes in a person’s normal behavior can be a sign of dependency. Shifts in energy, mood, and concentration may occur as every day responsibilities become secondary to the need for the validation that comes with volunteering.
3. Social Withdrawal – A person experiencing a dependency problem may withdraw from family, friends and choose the volunteer opportunity over quality time with spouse and children.
4. Ongoing Use – Continued usage after a volunteer opportunity has been accomplished will result in the person needing extensions on his/her time of service. The person might talk of how they are “still feeling needed” and need just a little longer on the task in order to get it done right. He or she might also complain frequently about those who refused to encourage and support them in their volunteering for one reason or another.
5. Time Spent on Volunteering – A dependant person will spend large amounts of time driving great distances and visiting multiple places just to volunteer. Watch for signs that he or she seems preoccupied with a quest for volunteer opportunities, demonstrating that the desire to volunteer has become their top priority.
6. Change in Daily Habits and Appearance – Personal hygiene may diminish as a result of a volunteer addiction. Sleeping and eating habits change, and a person may have a constant twitches and red, glazed eyes.
7. Neglects Responsibilities – A volunteer addict may neglect household chores and bills.
8. Increased Sensitivity – Normal sights, sounds and emotions might become overly stimulating to the person, they will become easily irritated and frustrated.
9. Blackouts and Forgetfulness – Another clear indication of volunteer addiction is when the person regularly forgets events that have taken place and appears to be suffering blackouts.
10. Defensiveness – When attempting to hide a volunteer addiction, abusers can become very defensive if they feel their secret is being discovered. They might even react to simple requests or questions by lashing out.

So

Hello, my name is Nicole. I am a Christian, a housewife, and a homeschool mom, and I am a volunteer addict. So below I have taken the 12 step program and adapted it for my addiction. May it be of help to fellow volunteer addicts.

THE TWELVE STEPS OF VOLUNTEERS ANONYMOUS
 

1. We admitted we were powerless over volunteering—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and sought to discover our own Spirit willed and God desired spiritual gift and limit our area of ministry to the one in which the Lord called and equipped us.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs committed when we were stressed due to overextending ourselves.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and all things in our lives we said yes to when He said no.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings and grow us in His grace and the knowledge of His will for our lives.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong in taking on a volunteer opportunity, promptly admit it, and gracefully decline.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other volunteers, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries, Uncategorized

>Remaining Teachable

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>I just checked my Chuck Swindoll daily devotion and it’s one that I must share in its entirety not just randomly quoted.
So here it is:

Esther sustained a continually teachable spirit. “Mordecai had instructed her that she should not make them known . . . Esther had not yet made known her kindred or her people, even as Mordecai had commanded her, for Esther did what Mordecai told her as she had done when under his care” (Esther 2:10, 20).
Even becoming a finalist in this frenzied competition, or later, becoming queen, didn’t cause Esther to flaunt her independence and strut her stuff. Not this lady! This lovely, dignified, wise woman was still willing to listen and learn.
She remains a sterling example for women today. Some of you are wonderfully gifted teachers. You have the ability to stand before a group and to open the Scriptures or some other area of expertise and hold an audience in rapt attention with your insight and creativity. Others of you have distinguished yourself in public service. You have played prestigious roles and offices in the community. You may be well-traveled and rather confidently move in exclusive circles with powerful men and women whom you know on a first-name basis. There is nothing wrong with any of that. But let me ask, has that changed your teachability? Do you now see yourself as the consummate authority? Or has it simply made you aware of how vast your ignorance really is? I hope it is the latter.
Someone has said, “Education is going from an unconscious to conscious awareness of one’s ignorance.” I agree. No one has a corner on wisdom. All the name-dropping in the world doesn’t heighten the significance of your character. If anything, it reduces it. Our acute need is to cultivate a willingness to learn and to remain teachable. Learning from your children. Learning from your friends. Learning even from our enemies. How beautiful it is to find a servant-hearted, teachable spirit among those who occupy high-profile positions of authority.
Are you, like Esther, still willing to listen and learn?

Yeh, so I read, “let me ask, has that changed your teachability? Do you now see yourself as the consummate authority? Or has it simply made you aware of how vast your ignorance really is?”, and I had to stop and think…
Yeh I am at the point that I have come to realize that I am vastly ignorant, that is why I am constantly digging in God’s Word and researching and seeking and asking, because I have learned that as soon as I think I’ve got something all figured out, God throws me for a loop. He’ll send me a curve ball flying by so quick that it knocks me on my rear end in a split second. If I ever begin to get too big for my britches He reminds me right fast that I still have a lot of growing to do and a lot of learning to do.

This is one of the scariest things about teaching. I have to teach on the knowledge that I have at that point. I teach according to the measure of faith and grace given me one day at a time, and I have to trust that God will take my efforts and use them for the building up of those I teach and I pray that they never look at me as the final authority on any interpretation of the Scripture, for the only final authority is God. There is a big difference between my opinion on a matter and the correct interpretation of Scripture.

 But know this first of all,
that no prophecy of Scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation, 
for no prophecy was ever made by an act of human will,
but men moved by the Holy Spirit spoke from God. 
2 Peter 1:20-21
As I am growing in grace, I have learned that I can learn from any person, in any situation, at any time, when I am willing to submit to God and seek Him in all things.
Every moment is an opportunity to learn and grow in Him, even those moments of enemy attacks, sometimes especially in those moments of enemy attacks. I can learn how to discern an evil spirit, a false teacher, a fake friend, or a wrong way. I can learn how to forgive, how to give grace, how to extend mercy, and how to trust in God to repay.
When I remain teachable, I remain humble, when I remain humble, I remain under the mighty hand of God, and that’s where I want to be, under Him.
I am a disciple of Christ, a learner of the Lord, a professional student of the Prince of Peace. My heart and my mind must remain open to Him and His potters hands. 
Therefore humble yourselves
under the mighty hand of God,
that He may exalt you at the proper time.
1 Peter 5:6
You see I have learned that I only know in part. I know more than I did yesterday, but not as much as I’ll know tomorrow… Lord willing. Then in eternity, and not until eternity, I will fully know! Wow, every question answered!
You know there really is absolutely nothing more annoying than someone who will not listen and refuses to learn anything new or different than what they already know. They are stubborn, hard-headed, hard-hearted, and make you won’t to smack them across the back of the head. That is not who I want to be before God or anyone else.
Sometimes I don’t like the way God chooses to teach me. Sometimes He allows me to be embarrassed. Sometimes He allows me to be angered. Sometimes He allows me to be hurt. Sometimes He allows me to be surprised. Sometimes He allows me to be shocked.
But He whispers “See what I have been trying to tell you… I couldn’t get you to listen before, but now I have your attention… listen and learn… and know that I love you…”
Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries, Uncategorized

>Praying For Our Children’s Marriage and Purity

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>It’s been a while since I stepped back in time with you to share from my journals, so I believe for at least the next few days I will be doing that… God has stirred the journals up within me and brought it to my remembrance so I think I just might ought to obey.

Today we are stepping back in time to December 30, 2002. At this point I had been on fire for my God for a whole year!
This journal entry is only one of many written prayers over my children and nieces and nephews and one of countless spoken prayers over them.

Father,
I just lift Shelby and Ashleigh and Emoni and Alex up to You Lord.
I just ask that You be preparing them all a spouse Lord.
A spouse who walks in Your ways and lives by Your commands.
I ask that You prepare Shelby, Ashleigh, Emoni, and Alex for these spouses.
I pray that they will have the strength and heart and fear and love for You Lord that they will wait for the spouses You have prepared for them.
I pray for Shelby, Emoni, and Alex’s salvation.
I pray that Ashleigh will keep her eyes fixed on You!
I pray that they will all seek Your face and seek to know You intimately!
I pray Your hand of protection over them!
Keep them safe and surrounded by godly people who truly love You and them!
I pray that they will serve You with their lives and that they will be mighty witnesses for Your kingdom!
In Jesus name,
Amen
(Yes, I pray in exclamation points. I don’t know why. I just always have since I began writing down my prayers )
It is never too soon to begin praying for our children’s marriages. At the time of this journal entry my Shelby was only a year and a half and my Ashleigh was eleven. My niece Emoni was five and my nephew Alex was two and a half. My list of marital and purity prayers has grown tremendously since this day in 2003. My Bekah has been added and many more nieces and nephews and cousins and children (and yes even my college and young singles) who are mine in the Lord, because once I have met you and taught you I claim you as my prayer priority especially in the area of marriage and purity. It is the area that I struggled with and failed at greatly and the scars are many, so these scars that I carry remind me often to intercede on behalf of others in this area. 
Our children and loved ones may stumble in this area, but it doesn’t mean we stop praying. Grace and forgiveness and a new beginning is always available in Christ. He will help them bear His indignation while He restores them and stands them up on their feet again. I know this is true because He did it with me and there is no partiality with God.
 For the LORD your God is the God of gods
and the Lord of lords,
the great, the mighty, and the awesome God
who does not show partiality nor take a bribe.
Deuteronomy 10:17
For there is no partiality with God
Romans 2:11
Scripture just can’t get more clearer than that 🙂
As parents we must not just pray for our children, but we must set clear standards and boundaries to protect our children’s sexual purity and future marriages. No we cannot stick them in a closet when they reach puberty and guard it with our semi-automatic and keep them there until we handpick their spouse and then take them from the closet bound and gagged and blindfolded until we get to the church to remove the gag right at the time for them to say “I do” at the altar, although we can dream…
But we can protect them and their innocence and guard their eyes and hearts. It is our job as parents to set the boundaries. I cringe when I hear of parents picking up their twelve year olds and dropping them off at the movies with a girlfriend/boyfriend. This is absolutely the worst time to leave your child in the dark alone with their hormones and a person of the opposite sex that puts butterflies in their stomach.
 We have a little sister,
And she has no breasts;
What shall we do for our sister
On the day when she is spoken for?
“If she is a wall,
We will build on her a battlement of silver;
But if she is a door,
We will barricade her with planks of cedar.”
Song of Solomon 8:8-9
We also cannot leave our children unaware. If they hear the whole truth from us, then we can squash the lies that come with curiosity and learning about the birds and bees from peers. If you are wondering how to approach the topic of sex with your children, just simply begin a family study in the book of Genesis. 
When I began this study with my Shelby we didn’t make it past the second chapter before the birds and bees were addressed.
 For this reason
a man shall leave his father and his mother,
and be joined to his wife;
and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

My Shelby read Genesis 2:24 and said “Momma, I understand the one part, but what’s the flesh?”
Bam!
Open door…

Having baby nephews around that my little one had seen have diaper changes and given baths made it very easy and simple to explain how God made the boy and girl parts to come together as one flesh. There was no graphic detail needed, no fancy explanations, just the simple facts settled her curiosity and my honesty and openness let her know that she was free to come to me with any question she had about this issue or really any issue.

As we share the truth and set up boundaries and teach our children what God says about this beautiful thing called sex that was meant for the confines of marriage, if or when, our children fall prey to the lies of the enemy and the world, they will know it. They will have truth for the Holy Spirit to pull out and convict their hearts so that they might turn from the lie and take back hold of the truth.

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries, Uncategorized

>Always Watching

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“Is it a fast like this which I choose,
a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it for bowing one’s head like a reed
And for spreading out sackcloth and ashes as a bed?
Will you call this a fast, even an acceptable day to the LORD?
“Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
“Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
“Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
“Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
(Isaiah 58:5-9)

We can’t hide ourselves from our own flesh and expect to draw near to God. We have to come before Him in honesty and truth, trusting in His forgiveness and everlasting lovingkindness…
He already knows it all anyway.
For us to hide is showing that we really do not believe that He is omnipresent and omniscient thus we are denying who He is and trying to convince ourselves that we can pull one over on God.

Hmmmm yeh, like that’s gonna happen!
We become just like the child with chocolate all over their face that says, “No, Mommy I not get cake!”
Woe to those who deeply hide their plans from the LORD,
and whose deeds are done in a dark place,
and they say, ‘Who sees us?’
or ‘Who knows us?’
Isaiah 29:15
In Genesis 16:13 we are introduced to a name of God. The name is El Roi, and it means God sees (you can read a little bit more of my thoughts on this particular name of God at my through the Bible blog ).
Our God sees. He is a God who sees. He doesn’t miss a thing. We cannot hide from Him.
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
Psalm 139:7-12
There just in no darkness dark enough to hide from God in. Jonah tried to run and hide in the belly of ship and then God stuck him in the belly of a fish and sent him to the darkest depths of the sea and let him know that, yep, He could still see him. There is no where to flee from His presence. He is always watching us.
For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He watches all his paths.
Proverbs 5:21
The thought of someone always watching us can creep us out. I have this weird thing that before I use the bathroom I check behind the shower curtain. I don’t know why. I just do. I have a disturbing feeling that I am going to use the bathroom and then find out someone was in there with me and I didn’t know it. So if there is a shower curtain or closet door in the bathroom at your house and I come and visit and I have to go, yes I am pulling it back and opening the door, but don’t worry I will never tell anyone about the soap scum in the tub and all the naked barbie dolls and molded squeaky toys or multiple wadded up washrags. Nor will I reveal the mismatched sloppily folded towels full of holes or the why in the worlds is that in the bathroom stuff (PS I am just describing my own bathroom, lol). I promise I won’t. I just want to potty in peace and I can’t until I take a peek before I pee.
Knowing that God is always watching us should bring us comfort. It truly does me. In many ways. It keeps me from making choices that I might have made if I thought I could have hid it and it also helps me from reacting wrongly in a situation because I can calm myself by knowing that God saw what happened and He will deal with it.
There really is no reason for us not to be completely open and honest with God. Every time I think of the verse in Isaiah 58 about not hiding ourselves from our own flesh I think of a Chris Rock stand up I watched once long ago (no I was not always a Christian). In the stand up, he was sharing about getting caught cheating on his wife and his wife comes to him and keeps saying “I know you did it, just admit it!” So when I think of trying to hide my sin from God I hear Chris Rock speaking for his wife “I know you did it, just admit it!”
And there is no creature hidden from His sight,
but all things are open
and laid bare
to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.
Hebrews 4:13
He knows you did it, just admit it!
Yes God is always watching you, but not in a psycho stalker kind of way, but in the I’ll never leave you or forsake you kind of way 🙂
 …for He Himself has said,
“I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU,
NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,”
Hebrews 13:5