According to today’s polls I married young. A mere 22 year old girl. Supposedly, according to the media, the reason for our high divorce rate is because of people marrying before they are 30 years old.
Funny.
Because the historical facts show that when people were marrying younger the marriages were lasting longer. You know… like a whole life time!
My mother married my father at 16 years old. They are still crazy in love.
My daddy’s momma married my daddy’s daddy when she was 15 years old. They died still crazy in love.
Could it possibly be that the high divorce rate really has to do with self-entitlement, self-sufficiency, and selfishness.
Could it be that maybe just maybe looking in the mirror of marriage gets just a little too uncomfortable for us and its just seems easier to break the mirror and walk away?
One thing marriage and children will do is make you really see you through the eyes of someone else. Marriage provides a true mirror image of your own reflection.
For a while its very easy to point the finger at the other one, you know the one holding the mirror. We see their faults way before we see our own. I mean really, they are right their in front of us. We experience the hurt they cause us. We see every little irritating thing they do. And we record it down, so that when we finally have had it “up to here”, we have our list of justifications.
But the thing is… the truth is… many times what is really happening is that we are beginning to see ourselves through the eyes of someone else. We begin to have pointed out to us things that we need to work on… things that hurt them and others. Yet we don’t understand why, so instead of working on ourselves we often stand stubborn and strong and expect them to be the one to do the changing or else we call it quits and go out looking for someone we don’t think we have to change for…
…you know the perfect soul mate.
What I have learned through marriage is that soul mates are not found they are made.
Soul mates are when two people intertwine, body, mind, and soul. Two people that are intertwined body, mind, and soul and bound by spirit and held by the Spirit of God.
Marriage is not about another making you whole, but is more about another tearing you apart so that day by day, year by year, you can see your own heart and see your need for redemption, forgiveness, mercy, and grace. Through that you begin to see that you need to freely give what you know you so desperately need yourself… love.
Real love.
Not hollywood, magazine, Taylor Swift song love.
Jesus love.
Death to self, lay down your life for others love.
You know what happens when you marry young… you grow up together… and you grow old together. You change jobs, diapers, and houses together. You learn to depend on and cling to each other. You make memories and babies together. You laugh, cry, fight, dance, rise, and fall together.
The mirror of marriage can get ugly because the truth is we are indeed an ugly lot. Sin has its way in us and there is nothing pretty about us. But the thing about a mirror, if we have it, then we can clearly see the smudge on our face, the broccoli in our teeth, the cowlick in our hair. And what we can see, we can do something about… if we choose to anyway.
In marriage we always have a choice. We can choose to let sin reign or we can choose to stay under the convicting work of the Spirit of God and go through the refiner’s fire of grace. We can sit back and say, okay God, have Thine Own way. Create in me a clean and pure heart. Teach me to love the way You love. Give me eyes to see as You see.
“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
Malachi 2:13-16 (NASB)
The refiner’s fire is not a pleasant experience. It is not usually a pleasurable thing to have all your faults laid open and bare before someone and the natural response in this weak human flesh of ours is to make it someone else’s fault. If we can point the finger at someone else then we don’t have to address ourselves… or take responsibility for our part.
The mirror of marriage can give us a reflection of ourselves we don’t like… just as the mirror of God’s Word does. I can tell you the first ten years of my marriage I was convinced that every fight was 100% my husbands fault. I saw my actions as only reactions to him, thus my actions were valid and warranted. Thankfully God has been doing a work on my arrogant heart and through many moments of humility (or rather humiliation) I am learning to see more clearly.
If our heart’s desire truly is holiness and if we truly belong to God then He has clearly stated that His heart’s desire is for our transformation into His glory and our conforming into the image of His Son. And He will not stop until that is completed in us.
So I can fight the process or I can stand and look myself in the mirror. And when I have chosen to trust in the holiness and sanctity and safety of the covenant of my marriage, and He shows me things about me that needs some refining, I can say yes Lord… Have Your way in me and in this moment teach me to honor You by honoring others.
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I am currently watching a series by RC Sproul Jr and it reminded me of this post. I highly recommend this series: Bound for Glory