Compare and compromise and competition… we are going to continue today to look at comparisons and our emotional ties… but today we are focusing on us… woman to woman.

Day Eight

There she goes… big brown eyes, smooth perfect complexion, at least a D cup all perky and tight, makes it to the gym every day, flat stomach with no stretch marks, butt is still where yours used to be, she eats only food from the organic store because she doesn’t have two or three (or five or six) kids at home to feed on a one income budget… and every man she walks by looks up and smiles… ugh.

And you look down, you haven’t showered in two days because the kids have had the flu, you smell like medicine and vomit, and you have on an old pair of leggings with your husbands over sized old sweatshirt that he wanted to throw out… but you kept for days like this, because it was comfortable… and you see her… you don’t know her but you have just decided that you hate her and you hate yourself for not being her.

So you get ill and mad and ugly (only in your head of course, on the outside you are the queen of Christian politeness, you may even make a point to purposely say “Hi” to her just to prove that to yourself).

“Hmmmm well I could look like that too if I didn’t have a family to take care of.”
“Enjoy that body while you can honey, because it’s all down hill from here”
“Well, I can still look that good if I want to, and next time, I come in this store, these men will be looking at me”
“She is probably stuck up and rude and thinks she’s something”

Then… you walk out and there she is…

She has on a shirt that is too short and jeans that are too tight and stuff is hanging out the bottom and over the top. Her hair is stuck in the eighties and her make-up is way too dark and you think, “Honey did you not look in the mirror before you left the house, please do not tell me you actually think you look good.”

Now you walk out to the car feeling pretty darn good about yourself because at least you had the good sense to cover up and camouflage anything that was hanging out or over. Now here you are still smelling like medicine and vomit in old sweat clothes and because you saw her after you saw her… well now you can head back home feeling pretty darn good about your hot mess self and ready to pump kids full of tamiflu and tylenol all momma style.

This is a challenge I face. I have allowed the beauty of another female to make me feel so insecure that I couldn’t even get “in the mood” for my husband because I would be so disgusted with my own appearance compared to hers… all I would want to do is put on even baggier clothes and crawl under the covers and bury myself until death do us part.

This type of measuring is dangerous for us and it is dangerous for our marriage.

“We feel huge and sloppy. We feel powerless. We wonder who would ever want to be with us. Such feelings can lead us to become victims of seduction. When we focus so much on superficial appearance, our self-esteem can become so low that if a man takes notice of us, we are pleasantly surprised and become affirmation-seeking missiles. We begin to hunger for a man’s approval so much that his flattery and attention can manipulate us.”
~ Shannon Ethridge 

So today ladies… let us not compare ourselves woman to woman. For the rest of this challenge, this is added to your challenge. Don’t compare your husband to another man and don’t compare your self to another woman. This goes back to Psalm 139… you my dear are fearfully and wonderfully made.

“When we compare ourselves to others, we put one person above the other. We either come out on top (producing vanity and pride in our lives), or we come up short (producing feelings of disappointment with what God has given us). Regardless of how we measure up when we make these comparisons, our motives are selfish and sinful rather than loving.”
~ Shannon Ethridge

Ladies, we have lost something in this day of feminism and liberation… we have lost our friendships with one another… woman to woman. Instead she has become your competition. You compete with her and you don’t trust her. So you choose to make and form friendships with men instead of women… but ladies, listen to me… WE NEED EACH OTHER!

“Not only can we attract unhealthy relationships with men when we feel intimidated by or superior to other women, we also miss out on something we all desperately need: intimacy with our sisters. Whether we are single or married, our sisters often keep us connected to God’s love in a way that a boyfriend or husband can’t or won’t. If we would stop competing and start connecting with other women, this battle for sexual and emotional integrity wouldn’t be nearly as overwhelming. Remaining connected to healthy, loving friendships can keep us out of bed with the next guy we meet and help us satisfy our longing for emotional fulfillment”
~ Shannon Ethridge 

Ladies I understand your fear of female friendships. I experienced the lies and the stabs in the back and the twist of the knife from those girls that were supposed to be my friends. I experienced the secrets shared and the boyfriends stolen… and yes, growing up I was just as guilty of all that at times myself.    

We are not kids anymore.
Let us not act like it.

When we were children growing up we did foolish things… we said foolish things… we hurt others for selfish gain… we are not children. We are women of God who know better now. Let us be those women and let us raise our daughters and the other young women in our lives to not compete with one another, to not compare with one another, but to hold each other up.

We need each other.

I need women in my life that I can come to and confess my hurts and fears to. I need women who have been there and made it, who can encourage me. I need women to laugh with, and cry with, and stand firm with, when times get hard. Ladies, I need you!