The other day in Sunday School, the topic of the lesson was the 9th Commandment, “thou shall not bear false witness” or “thou shall not lie” (Exodus 20:16), and of course when the topic of lying comes up in a couples class so does this question every time…

What about when your wife asks “does this make me look fat?” 

To have addressed this question fully would have detoured the point of the lesson… but I will do my best to address it now.

There are two view points to this question. The woman asking and the man answering. To the woman asking, as a woman, I say this question is an attempt to fish a compliment out of the husband. To the man answering, as a man, my husband says this question is an attempt to start a fight. Either way their is nothing edifying or encouraging coming from this question.

So to all the wives out there… DON’T ASK IT.

I don’t ask my husband this question. If I put an outfit on and I FEEL like it makes me look “fat”, then I state MY feelings, “I can’t wear this, today I feel like it makes me look fat.” I own my own feelings and my own perception of myself. Besides, as a female, whether or not you feel fat is simply a perception anyway, it really has nothing to with your size.

A grown woman who barely weighs 100 lbs soaking wet will have days when she feels “fat”. It’s really not about fat, its deeper than that.  It’s simply a day, a moment, when you can’t see clearly and the enemy of our souls has found a crack to sneak in his lies of insecurity and imaginary comparisons.

Not long ago I had one of these days. In reality due to my own health issues and the stress of our last year I have added some pounds to the scale and the clothes in my closet simply don’t fit right at this time. As I was in the midst of a meltdown and almost in tears as I searched for clothes to put on, through misting eyes of frustration I angrily said, “I’ve gotten too fat to fit into any of my clothes!”

My husband responded to my heart not my words.

He immediately went and grabbed a picture off of our dresser. It was the first family picture we had made as husband and wife. I, at that time, was in the best physical shape of my life. He grabbed that picture and brought it to me and said, “I want you to look at this woman. She was skinny as a rail, but she was miserable. You are more beautiful to me today than ever because you are happy and it shows in your eyes”

I wasn’t walking with the Lord in that picture and neither was my husband. Skinny doesn’t make happy. Skinny doesn’t make beautiful. The joy of the Lord does.

My husband, at that moment (as at many other moments) in our marriage, did a wonderful job of causing me to see myself through the mirror of his eyes instead of my own. My own mirror is always a skewed. My own mirror can be like those “fun” houses at the county fair. My own mirror changes according to hormones, comments, fads, and fiction.

So husbands if your wife makes the mistake of asking that dreaded deadly question. It’s really not about the 9th commandment and whether to lie or to tell the truth, because if all you see when you look at her is “fat” or “skinny” then that’s a whole separate huge issue. Just answer her heart and not her words. She doesn’t really need to know if she looks fat, she just needs to be reminded that to you she is beautiful and she is loved. She still might change that outfit, but it’s because you helped to change her heart.

And wives just don’t go there. Don’t put your husband in a position to say or do the wrong thing according to you. He’s not a mind reader and he most likely feels like he can’t answer that question in a way that you won’t be offended or snap back. To answer, “No” he expects to be accused of lying or not paying attention. To answer, “Yes” he expects to be accused of being insensitive and no longer attracted to you. If we as wives are going to ask questions like these, we better be prepared to accept the answer.

Our church is in the midst of a forty day fast. During this fast our Pastor has been preaching through a book that his father wrote, Come and See: Jesus is Alive

We have missed the last several weeks of services so I have been watching the services online at our church’s website. As I listened to our last Sunday’s service (May 17th) our Pastor made the statement that “when you take up a cross, you take up a curse.” This resonated with me deeply…

When you listen to our modern day preaching, especially from our American “mega” churches and many of our televised proclaimers, so many of them seem to focus on the blessings of a believer. I don’t think I have ever heard too many of them preach on the curse of a believer. No, they lean more to the preaching that Jesus became the curse so that we could have the blessing, but they claim that blessing to be “our best life now” and that’s just not biblical.

The blessing of God is not the best life here on earth. The book of Acts makes that perfectly clear as does the other sixty-five books preserved and protected by God Himself through the ages.

But the things which God announced beforehand by the mouth of all the prophets, that His Christ would suffer, He has thus fulfilled. Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things about which God spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from ancient time. Moses said, ‘The Lord God will raise up for you a prophet like me from your brethren; to Him you shall give heed to everything He says to you. And it will be that every soul that does not heed that prophet shall be utterly destroyed from among the people.’ And likewise, all the prophets who have spoken, from Samuel and his successors onward, also announced these days. It is you who are the sons of the prophets and of the covenant which God made with your fathers, saying to Abraham, ‘And in your seed all the families of the earth shall be blessed.’ For you first, God raised up His Servant and sent Him to bless you by turning every one of you from your wicked ways.”

Acts 3:18-26

The blessing of Abraham promised to us was the blessing of being turned from our wicked ways. It was the blessing of repentance, of the forgiveness of our sin… and with that blessing comes suffering.

For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake…

Philippians 1:29

When the apostles made disciples they did not promise them earthly blessings and worldly prosperity.

After they had preached the gospel to that city and had made many disciples, they returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying, “Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”

Acts 14:21-22

How those tribulations come will vary, but they will indeed come. It is through these tribulations that we discover if we indeed truly do believe.

In the beginning of the days of the nation of Israel the Lord left the Philistines and other nations to test and teach His children. They had to learn war and they had to learn conviction.

Now these are the nations which the Lord left, to test Israel by them (that is, all who had not experienced any of the wars of Canaan; only in order that the generations of the sons of Israel might be taught war, those who had not experienced it formerly). These nations are: the five lords of the Philistines and all the Canaanites and the Sidonians and the Hivites who lived in Mount Lebanon, from Mount Baal-hermon as far as Lebo-hamath. They were for testing Israel, to find out if they would obey the commandments of the Lord, which He had commanded their fathers through Moses.

Judges 3:1-4

It’s no different for us today, we too must learn war and we must learn conviction. Our war is not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:10-13) and the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh (2 Corinthians 10:3-6), but it is indeed war all the same. Our need to learn obedience to our God through deep stable conviction is just as important today in this New Covenant as it was in the Old. We are too easily deceived (2 Corinthians 11: 3, Colossians 3:6-8, 2 Timothy 4:1-5) and therefore we must be tested to be strengthened.

The devil has been trying to convince us that our God is a liar, that our God is holding out on us, that our God is not really for us since the beginning. When tribulations come that old serpent is right there with his demons of darkness to whisper into our ears, “See. I told you so. If He really cared, if He was really there, this would not have happened.“

Either we will choose to live our lives as if this world is all we get or we will choose to live our lives as if this world is simply preparation for the greater world to come. The decisions we make in life, especially in times of tribulation, tell the truth of which choice we are living.

When Jesus took up His cross, He also took up a curse.

If a man has committed a sin worthy of death and he is put to death, and you hang him on a tree, his corpse shall not hang all night on the tree, but you shall surely bury him on the same day (for he who is hanged is accursed of God)

Deuteronomy 21:22-23

He took up our curse. We were the ones worthy of death. We were the ones who were accursed of God, but He took it and redeemed us from it… and because of it the world hates Him. He set us free from the things that the prince of this world uses to control us. When we take our stand with Jesus we also take our stand against the world and all that it entails… culture, politics, religion, fear, death, love of self, etc and just as He was, we too will be persecuted.

When we take up our cross, we take up a curse. We are redeemed from the curse of God, but we exchange it for the curse of the world.

If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you…

John 15:18-20

Ravi Zacharias states in his book Why Jesus?, “If there is any passage of Scripture that accurately describes our modern day contempt for truth, our attachment to power, and our voluntary surrender to culture, it is this (Luke 23). It is not accidental that religious authorities, political appointees, and cultural symbols have come together to crucify Him once again in our day.

Barabbas was released… a cultural practice was fulfilled.

“We have a law”… political correctness was enjoined.

“He claims to be the Son of God… kill Him”… all at the behest and with the blessing of religion.

The irony is that he wanted to be owned by none of the three: culture, politics, or religion.“

When times of tribulation hit me and I begin to find myself questioning my God… He always takes me back to the book of Job. He always takes me back to the words of my Jesus and to the words of the apostles and the sufferings that come with salvation. It just comes with the territory.

Job suffered through personal tribulation to his family, his finances, his health and words of accusation from those who he called friends. Jesus suffered through hate coming from culture, politics, religion, and yes, words of accusations from those who He called friends.

Who are we to think that in our salvation we too shall not face suffering?

Who are we to think that we can take up a cross that is without a curse?

Who are we to think that we can be saved out of this world and remain of it and be praised and loved by it?

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps…

1 Peter 2:21

As sinners saved by grace through faith our sufferings come from many different avenues and for many different reasons. Sometimes they are the result of our sin, sometimes they are seemingly undeserved, sometimes they appear to come out of nowhere… but regardless of where, why, or how they come they are purposed or at the very least allowed by our very Good God and they will bear fruits of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11) in us if we are His.

When my Daddy went home to be with the Lord just before midnight on Saturday, May 2nd I didn’t think I would ever be able to write again. He was the one who believed in me so much that he put his money where his mouth was.

One day when He was feeling so very bad and tired and just couldn’t get out of the bed, I sat down on the bed beside him and he looked me in the eyes and said “Nicole, God is using you. He is using your writing for His Kingdom. Don’t ever doubt that. You are doing exactly what He has called you to do.” 

When He would comment on my blog or tell me that he read a post, it really didn’t matter if any one else ever did. If I could be a blessing to my father, then it was enough and it was good. He believed in me. He has always believed in me. He has always been there for me and loved me through all things. What I write about him isn’t social media fantasy. It’s truth. Flat out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, truth.

These past few days that truth was validated as at least a thousand people came to pay respect to my Daddy and to be a testament to the life that he lived. My Daddy was such a good man. He was a good man that taught other men how to be a good man. His every day life was a sermon that he preached for the glory of God.

As David’s time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, “I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man. Keep the charge of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies, according to what is written in the Law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn…

1 Kings 2:1-3

As I awoke this morning, I for the first time since Monday, April 27th have felt His peace. As I have battled the what if’s and the why’s of the past many days the Lord reminded me that He alone held the keys to death and life (Revelation 1:18). He reminded me that Jesus was with my Daddy and my Daddy did not enter into His gates in fear or sadness or pain, but in great joy and glory.

As I sought a word from Him this morning He gave me Psalm 56:13…

For You have delivered my soul from death,
Indeed my feet from stumbling,
So that I may walk before God
In the light of the living.

Today is May 6th or 5/6 the Lord met me at that address and then my heart was pricked as to the verse number of 13. Remembering that I had heard once that the number 13 was a “good” number in Hebrew I wondered exactly why and how… so I did a little research.

Judaism 101 sites that “the number 13 is not a bad number in Jewish tradition or numerology. Normally written as Yod-Gimel, 13 is the numerical value of the word ahava (love, Alef-Hei-Beit-Hei) and of echad (one, as in the daily prayer declaration, G-d is One!, Alef-Cheit-Dalet). Thirteen is the age of responsibility, when a boy becomes bar mitzvah. We call upon G-d’s mercy by reciting his Thirteen Attributes of Mercy, found in Exodus 34:6-7.“

Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished…”

Exodus 34:6-7

Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David separates and explains these attributes:

(1) HaShem has compassion before man sins;

(2) HaShem has compassion after man has sinned (comp. R. H. 17b);

(3) “El,” mighty in compassion to give all creatures according to their need;

(4) “Rachum,” merciful, that mankind may not be distressed;

(5) “Chanun,” gracious if mankind is already in distress;

(6) “Erek appayim,” slow to anger;

(7) “Rab Chesed,” plenteous in mercy;

(8) “Emet,” truth;

(9) “Notzer Chesed laalafim,” keeping mercy unto thousands (comp. the explanation of Samuel b. Meir in “Daat Zeḳenim,” ad loc.);

(10) “Nose ‘awon,” forgiving iniquity;

(11) “Nose pesha’,” forgiving transgression;

(12) “Nose Chata’ah,” forgiving sin;

(13) “Wenakeh,” and pardoning.

Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David also shares that the meaning of the number thirteen is “the bonding of many into one”. The number thirteen is among the holiest of the numbers because it is closely associated with HaShem.

The Shema – שמע is recited twice a day, by observant Jews, to obey the Torah command as found in the Shema itself. The goal of the Shema is not just to declare that HaShem is one, but rather to declare that HaShem is one and there is nothing in existence besides Him. The world and everything around us, is just an extension of HaShem.

Not only does echad=13, but the Hebrew word ahava (love) also has a numerical value of thirteen, as expressed verbally in the Nazarean Codicil:

1 Yochanan (John) 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not HaShem; for HaShem is love.

Chazal teach that if two words have the same numeric value, then the essential meaning of the two words is the same. The above verse from the Nazarean Codicil gives us another very important relationship:

HaShem is Ahavah (Love)

Thus we learn that: 

HaShem is echad (one)

Echad (one) is ahavah (love)

HaShem is ahavah (love)

It follows, therefore, that we become one with HaShem, when we love Him and we love what He has created. Love means unification with the object of our love, and unification with HaShem means a unified heart in belief and devotion.

Thus we see that HaShem equals thirteen. Therefore the meaning of thirteen is the oneness and love of HaShem.

So, thirteen is another way of expressing the unity of HaShem.

Throughout the siddur (prayer book), and Jewish thought, thirteen is used to express HaShem and His oneness. 

As I ponder this new knowledge on the number thirteen and the meaning of this number and the fact that the Lord chose to give me peace through Psalm 56:13 this morning, my mind went also to Jesus’ prayer in John 17…

The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

John 17:22-24

My Daddy loves the Lord. My Daddy loved his family. My Daddy loved others. Today he is one with his Creator and he will forevermore walk eternally in the land of the living. It was time for my Daddy to see the glory of His Lord.

I miss him. I will never not miss him, but I will see him again. He will be there to meet me when I get there.

During his life celebration I was comforted to hear the words of his friend and Pastor as he reminded us that even in glory my Dad is anticipating with us the the end of this age. I find comfort knowing that we still share this anticipation together. I don’t know why, but I do… and until that time I will keep trying to walk in the footsteps of my Lord and the footsteps of my Daddy and hopefully my life will also be a sermon that testifies to the gospel of Jesus Christ and to His glory so that the world might know that the Father sent Jesus to save all the whosoevers that will believe.

And I reckon I will keep writing too.

In closing… here’s my rendition of Psalm 56 in prayer for my Daddy: