I began this post on November 24, 2015 and left it in my draft. Today I opened it again to read it. I didn’t remember writing all this…
“In less than forty days I will walk through my first Thanksgiving, my first birthday, my first Christmas, and my Daddy’s first birthday without him. There are moments that I feel like I still cannot breathe. This is how I will close out 2015.
I am trying so very hard to not be selfish. I am trying so very hard to be thankful for all the memories. I am trying so very hard to remember that I had almost thirty-nine years with my Daddy and they were good years. It’s just so hard to believe that the man who gave me my name is not here.
I am thinking of Peter right now, and how Jesus gave him his name. How Peter watched Him be taken away. How Peter rushed to His grave. How Peter saw Him in His resurrected Self alive and well… and how once again Peter watched Him be taken away.
So when they had come together, they were asking Him, saying, “Lord, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or epochs which the Father has fixed by His own authority; but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.” And after He had said these things, He was lifted up while they were looking on, and a cloud received Him out of their sight. And as they were gazing intently into the sky while He was going, behold, two men in white clothing stood beside them. They also said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into the sky? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven.”
Peter watched the man who had given him his name ascend into the heavens and then he went back to the upper room and he waited on the promises of Jesus. I too am waiting.
I had a vision for my life. I could face any adversity in that vision because I knew that I had the support of my Daddy. I could handle any hurt and push through any negativity as long as I could talk to him and hear him say, “you can do this.” Losing him has struck me with blindness. I have lost my vision.
This morning as I studied through Mark 10:46-52 with Phil Waldrep I read verse 51,
And answering him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?”And the blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, I want to regain my sight!”
I am blind.
I keep thinking I’ll pull myself up out of this but so far I can’t. I have moments that I can see. I have momentary glimpses that remind me that I still have sight. The ember of joy is there, but I have not yet been able to rekindle a flame.
I feel most alive when I teach. When I teach I feel His presence. When I teach I remember my vision.”
After reading this again… all I can say is God is Faithful.