I was a part of the book launch for one of the latest books written by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller. Life got a little crazy and I was unable to post my review during the launch, but yesterday’s iced in Friday gave me the opportunity to finish digging into the book.
One of the most popular parenting strategies of modern day parenting is based on behavior modification, otherwise known as reward based parenting. My parents never bought into this strategy and neither did my husbands… so this is just simply not a parenting tool we ever used. In our house their are standards, instructions, and expectations and they are taught and then are to be followed… period… end of discussion.
Our goal as parents has always been to make our children as independent and self sufficient as possible according to what we know they can do. We have always parented with a “this could be the last chance we have to teach them this” mentality.
We have always parented with purpose and intention knowing that we had to prepare our girls to be able to make wise decisions on their own and to not have to depend on us to be there standing over them constantly telling them what to do and when to do it. It’s actually quite funny the amount of times that our kids have come home and shared how they had to bite their tongue because they were currently under the authority of another adult who felt they had to tell them “how” and “when” and “why” concerning everything.
I strongly support this ministry and these books because they are geared to make your children internally motivated. They want to teach you how to help your children become people of integrity in this evil day. They also want to see you ENJOY your kids.
There are some who promote these books because they have seen the changes that learning these parenting tools have made within there home. I promote these books because they line up with the way we have always parented in our home… we just didn’t know it was “parenting tools” we were using, we just thought we were parenting “old school”.
Just the other night, my body was rebelling against me once again. I had fallen asleep on the couch waiting on a load of towels to dry as I tried to get warm to ease the joint pain. I was awoken to the voice of my ten year old who shook my shoulders and said, Momma, let’s go to bed. She then headed up the stairs as I still half asleep mumbled after her that I would be up in a minute to tuck her in and do our Bible devo time.
When I opened my eyes, the towels were folded. When I went to reach for the dishes that I knew were on the coffee table, they were gone. My ten year old had chosen to take care of those for me. I climbed the stairs and told her thank you as I tucked her in and she said, you’re welcome Momma, I just did all the things I see you do before you go to bed.
Proud Momma moment.
That’s internal motivation.
That’s what these books will teach you how to teach your children… because the simple truth is that many of us who are parents now… were not raised “old school”. Many were not even raised inside the home with both parents. Many of us who have kids now don’t know how to teamwork parent. Many of us feel like we are single parenting even if we are raising our kids in a two parent home. Many of us don’t know there is another way to parent other than the reward based way.
Many of us have no clue how to implement the Word of God and the grace of God into our parenting… implementing grace into parenting is something that my husband and I had to grow in and are still growing in as we parent our girls.
Here’s a quote from the book:
One of the important realities of life is that God is always watching. We don’t want our children to view God as a cosmic policeman, but instead to recognize that God sees the difficult situations we find ourselves in, understands our desires, and offers us strength and power to do what’s right, even when it’s hard. God promises us grace, and when kids gain a larger understanding of what grace is, it helps them live their everyday lives.
Grace doesn’t look the other way when someone sins. But grace does identify with our weaknesses, giving us the strength to handle the tough times and empowering us to trust God for His answers in His time.
I also promote these books because I have seen the way these tools have changed the homes of others when parents truly put forth the effort it takes to learn them and use them. If we want our kids to be responsible, we have to first model that ourselves…
I assure you that your home does not have to be a war zone. It DOES NOT have to be a place of constant battles. Yes, it might be for a while. But you as the parent must not retreat… you must stand firm until there is peace.
If your home is a battle ground now, it is most likely that your kids have already learned your point of retreat. They know how to make you blow. We blow when we are exhausted and feel out of options. If you will pick up this book and read it, then you will be stocked up and fully loaded. You will find yourself confident and ready to do the work.
You will learn what internal motivation is and how to develop it in your child.
You will learn:
• How to build a strong conscience to strengthen internal motivation
• How faith changes kids in practical, down-to-earth ways
• Ways to help self-focused kids think of others
• A strategy to help kids who tend to blame, rationalize, or defend
• Ways to use consequences for heart change
• Specific heart-based strategies to develop responsibility and initiative
Parenting is hard work…
It’s hard work because it’s HEART work… and beloved our hearts are a mess!
The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?
But the hard heart work is worth it!
They are worth it!
The work you do as a parent doesn’t serve to ultimately control children or to magically determine an outcome. You’re only influencing your children for God’s purposes. It’s God who ultimately changes your children’s hearts. But the daily work you do with your kids prepares the soil for the seeds to grow. Your faithfulness in the face of what appears to be little progress is often the tool God uses to provide a strong witness in your child’s life that will be remembered for years to come.