Moses said, “This will happen when the Lord gives you meat to eat in the evening, and bread to the full in the morning; for the Lord hears your grumblings which you grumble against Him. And what are we? Your grumblings are not against us but against the Lord.”
Exodus 16:8
I am in the midst of new study. This is my first Priscilla Shirer study. I’m a Precept girl so topical studies are usually not my choice, but my sister-in-law invited me to attend this new study that was starting at her church, which just so happened to be the church we felt the Lord leading us to… and well there is no “just so happeneds” with God. Since the first class the Lord has been drawing me out of myself… And each Sunday and Wednesday that we visited the Lord spoke directly to a place in our hearts and minds that needed desperately to hear from Him.
Just this past Sunday the Lord woke me up from my self proclaimed victim pity party… I was at my pinnacle of my pity party this past Saturday as I wrote, His Thoughts Are Not Our Thoughts. I mean there were tears and downcast of soul and I was done… again. The depression of oppression had fallen and settled in and as I just wanted Jesus. Just Jesus.
My joy cup was empty. So Sunday as I was getting ready for church I sat that morning before the Lord and I prayed… really prayed. In the shower I prayed… really prayed. I didn’t just go through the motions of prayer… I prayed.
I surrendered.
That morning the Lord spoke to me clearly in the Sunday School class we attended and then again clearly in the morning service… he spoke to every hurt of my heart. He reminded me that He knew and that He cared and that He forgave me.
In my study this week I read:
How can we make it successfully through our dry and dusty journey? We are covered by a cloud of God’s presence as we learned yesterday and we must also keep in mind that God will refresh us by a river of His provision. He will provide healing places and oases for us too. We will not always be engulfed with fatigue as we travel from one day to the next.
~ Priscilla Shirer
You see the final straw for me had came when BCBS had denied my Daddy’s PET scan the Thursday before, placing a financial burden and cloud of doubt upon my Daddy who was already fighting for his life. I didn’t understand how God could allow these people in a building somewhere to overrule my Dad’s doctor. I could have personally choked President Obama and any other “political genius” who is behind all this “free” healthcare hoopla. You see the sovereignty of God is a double edged sword. You know God is in control so you know that God allowed it and you also know that God didn’t have to allow it. Sovereignty is hard to swallow sometimes… and this was one of those times.
However, Sunday morning I swallowed.
Sunday morning through the teaching and preaching of His Word I was washed, renewed, and my joy cup once again was beginning to fill… it was a good day.
Then Monday my Daddy went to the oncologist to have his chemo treatment. The oncologist told him that day that his numbers looked so good that he should only have to have one more chemo treatment. He will have that PET scan to confirm the numbers and then take only a thirty minute maintenance injection once every three weeks.
As this news sank into my heart I realized that had my Daddy had that PET scan the week before and that scan missed one single cancer cell he might not have had these last two chemo treatments and there just might have been that one cell that God could see that the PET scan would miss…
How easily we forget that God is in control when things are not going the way we think they should go. Yep, sovereignty is hard to swallow.
This past Monday night I wrote this on my Proven Path FB page…
There are those that have the ability to bring the sour out in me… and well the Lord has been too good to me and given me far too much for which to be thankful for me to be sour.
My Daddy received the most amazing news ever today and a phone call that began as a praise session, I found myself turning it into a “gripe” session. My Daddy didn’t need my sour dump and my God most certainly deserved better in that moment.
It’s no secret I have been in an uncertain place… and yesterday in the midst of our Sunday School lesson I realized that I had taken on a mentality that grates my own nerves in others… the victim mentality. As I sat in class and the teacher discussed the victim mentality I heard my God clear as day speak to my heart and remind me that those in Christ are not victims, we are VICTORS. It was time for me to pick up my pallet and walk.
Yesterday was a good day…
Today was an even better day.
Tomorrow isn’t to be worried about.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything. People come and go out of our lives for a reason. There is a time for every season under the sun… every season. We will learn in summer to look forward to fall and in fall to prepare for winter and in winter to hope for spring… yet in each season we see the beauty of our Creator God and the ever present glory of His sustaining mercy and grace.
God is good. I am not so good… the only thing good about me is what He has brought to life in and through me. The more I get to know me… the less I like me and the more I sit in awe that He even tolerates me… much less loves me enough to reach down from the throne of the KIngdom of Heaven to lift me up out the depths of the pits of hell and then to actually take up residence within this decaying flesh… I mean… really?
When I begin to think that I have “put up” with a lot… I remember that God has put up with me. Twenty-four seven. No break. No time-outs. No vacations. I mean day and night, inside and out. When I think and speak sour words that are so foul they should be rotting my bones… He gently whispers sweet words flowing with milk and honey that brings healing to my soul.
Oh precious ones… do you know HIM? Oh, how I hope that you do! The God of do-overs is my God. His name is Jesus. Jehovah Saves. Just say His name… that sweet, sweet name.
God had just poured out glory on me and in a second I was complaining and grumbling again about things that no longer even concern me personally anymore. Then tonight in the class as Priscilla shared I was reminded of the verse in Exodus that begins this post…
Moses said, “This will happen when the Lord gives you meat to eat in the evening, and bread to the full in the morning; for the Lord hears your grumblings which you grumble against Him. And what are we? Your grumblings are not against us but against the Lord.”
Exodus 16:8
How quickly I find that I forget the goodness of God. How easily that I find that I forget that in the knowledge of His sovereignty the complaints that I make about or against others are really against my faithful sovereign Savior who is working all things for the good of those who love Him and are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)
Tonight I was reminded that I am to be silent and let the Lord fight for me.
Tonight I was reminded that I am on a journey and the Lord will finish what He started in me.
Tonight I was reminded that neither cancer nor insurance companies are greater than my God.
Tonight I was reminded that God has me… and God has my Dad… and God has my Daddy-in-Law… and God has my Sis-in-Law… and God has our family right where He wants us.
When we know that we are not deliberately running away from God then the only other possibility is that we are on our way to where He is taking us… it just might not be the route we had planned. There are times that it seems we have the very cloud of His glory going before us clearly showing the way, but there are also times where the light has blinded us and darkness is all we can see, yet it’s still God’s will and way.
I will extol You, my God, O King,
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
Great is the Lord, and highly to be praised,
And His greatness is unsearchable.
Psalm 145:1-3
So what’s your problem?
Beloved of God be reminded that He is faithful… and He hears your cry… and He’s got you.