I Hate Christmas

confessions

 

Last week the words, “I hate Christmas“, were mumbled underneath my breathe as the weight of the season fell on my shoulders. The past two weeks I have lost count how many times my family has almost been killed in a car wreck. Just last night I almost had a head on collision with someone pulling out of the mall parking lot and choosing to skip their own two lanes and cruise straight on in to mine. Near misses. We live in a day of near misses…

After ten nights in a row of parties, programs, concerts, and church this girl was just flat out tired. I also was beginning to believe that the possibility of picking up any gifts for our family was not going to happen. I hit the internet and did as much as I could online before the sun rose and simply had to trust that when the boxes arrived that the correct gifts would be in them.

The rush of it all.

The distraction of it all.

So very distracted.

Distracted from what the whole purpose of the day is about… O Holy Night… Peace On Earth… Goodwill Toward Men…

This year I have so many loved ones who will be celebrating Christmas without a piece of their heart. In our own family we will be celebrating Christmas Eve in a rehab center with my Father-in-Law, who is now down to a frail 113 pounds. Then we will have to say good-bye to him and go on and continue without him… I simply am not so sure how this night will go for us all.

This season is so strange… we sing of the joy while inside we are cringing. We dread being in the presence of family that has not even bothered to call and check on us in tragedy, who has treated those we love unkindly, yet at the same time we know the importance of the bond so we suck it up and stick it out.

We wish that we could we just crawl under the covers and hide from the pain of facing another holiday without that laugh, without the smell of that meal that only they could cook just right…

This season, this thing we call Christmas… this thing that makes so many of us crazy, frustrated, rushed, and distracted… Yet at the same time this season brings us the hope of redemption. In the midst of its chaos it manages to still our hearts and bring us to our knees in worship.

Somehow God manages to bring us into the stillness.

That moment of the deep breathe as I sit in the presence of the twinkling lights of our tree that is covered with memories… when the house is quiet and I remember Him. It’s all about Him. Let us not nearly miss Him.

There has been so many things, so many times, this year that the Lord has simply whispered in my heart… I AM here.

I am beyond thankful for another Christmas with my family this side of eternity. By the grace of God and His mercy, we have been granted another season of greeting and gift giving.

I mumble “I hate Christmas” and He responds with, but “I love you.” Yes, Lord. I hear You. I do. And I love you too. You are here. In my crazy. In my chaos. In my hurt. In my heart. In the stillness.

You. Are Here.

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