Today was the parenting seminar that was hosted by my church. Yesterday both my girls went with me to help me set up for the event. They both worked with me to move tables and stack chairs and straighten up. As we were arranging tables and chairs my youngest asked me what I was teaching… and I told her I was not teaching I was attending. She got the funniest look on her face and said “But there’s nothing wrong with the way you parent. I love you as my mommy. I don’t want you to change. What kind of things are they going to teach you?”
I have heard it said many times that if your child does not tell you they hate you at least once then you are not being a good parent…
I don’t think it has to be that way.
I truly believe we can parent well and still maintain the love and respect of our children.
I am not saying that you are a bad parent if it does happen… I am just saying you can be good parent and it not happen. You are an authority in your child’s life… if they have an issue with authority… and you are maintaining your God-given authority over them… then yes, they indeed will clash with you.
Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.
Romans 13:2-4
However, as a parent, I also must be careful to maintain my character and integrity before my child, so that if they were to “butt heads” with me… it is them that is put to shame…
but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong
1 Peter 3:15-17
There was a time that I carried so much hurt in my heart that I would turn and lash that hurt onto my girls. I can remember screaming at them with a vileness that makes me absolutely nauseous now when I think about it. I can remember lashing out at them over ridiculous things as they would become the target of my own hurt… and then blaming them for causing the reaction.
“Why can’t you…”
“How many times do I have to…”
“Will you ever…”
“I am sick and tired of you…”
I don’t remember the event, or the reason, I don’t recall the words yelled, but I remember the day that I lashed out at my precious Shelby and Bekah. I remember I was running their bath water and I had went over the edge. The events of the day had been more than I could handle and instead of going to my knees and calling on grace I chose to relish the anger and feed on my flesh. As I lashed out my disgusting flesh on them I remember the look that came across their eyes and I saw terror… I have never felt so small.
Trust me, there have still been moments.
Moments of hormonal, sleep deprived, irrational crazed insanity when I am carrying my own hurts, thoughts, and frustrations instead of laying them down at the foot of forgiveness and repentance and grace and I could…can… feel the build coming and its poison almost seeping out… but by the mercy of God and the power of His Spirit within me… I am held more often than not. Yet now even in the not I find I am caught, stilled, and able to turn and look my little ones in the eyes and let them know that it really was not them… it was me fleshing out.
A fool always loses his temper,
But a wise man holds it back.
Proverbs 29:11
So when my child looks at me and says what she said that day about my parenting ability and style… I am broken by the mercy of God. I am broken as I think how can she see that when I feel like such a failure in this momma thing, when I have used sarcasm way to much, when I have sent the “I am so disappointed, upset, irritated, just wait til we get home” eye across the room, when I have said “not now” just one to many times, when I have raised my voice unnecessarily loud, huffed and puffed my frustrated disapproval after explaining the same thing one more time… she says that. Immediately I was reminded of a verse… or two.
Hatred stirs up strife,
But love covers all transgressions.
Proverbs 10:12
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Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another,
because love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8
Momma’s out there, I don’t know what kind of day you have had. I don’t know what hurts you are trying to carry on your own. I don’t know what things you have said or done to your children and the guilt that you carry because of it… I don’t know… but what I do know is that I serve a God who is in the redemption and forgiveness business. I serve a God that is in the healing and restoring business.
I can testify to you… that His word is true. Love indeed covers a multitude of sins. Not the worlds idea of love mind you… but God’s. Love that speaks and lives truth, that seeks to honor God and others. Love that is willing to forgive because they have been forgiven. Love that offers hope to another because they know they so desperately need it themselves.
Today in the parenting seminar Dr Turansky and Mrs Miller shared how the family is God’s laboratory to help us grow and become who He created us to be and to help us understand who He is… and it’s so true.
I jotted down a quote as I stood in the back of the room listening at the end, “Family life is all about forgiveness and moving on“
That’s it.
This life is a mess. We mess up. We get irritated. We get “fleshy” We do so with our parents, with our brothers and sisters, with our spouses, with our children… but in this fleshy, irritating, messy life their is family. Family is a powerful thing. It is to be a part of THE FAMILY that God sent Christ.
And because there is Christ there is forgiveness.
And because there is forgiveness there is hope.
And because there is hope there is a future.
And because there is a future we have the strength, courage, and desire to learn.
And if we choose to learn we can be changed.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:29