Man of My Dreams

confessions

The evidence of a man who loves Jesus is not found in conquering a specific sin struggle, but rather in his endurance in the fight.

Don’t look for the perfectly healed champion.  He’s already waiting for you in Heaven.

Look for they guy who is covered with scars from the fight.  Look for the guy who is bloody and bleeding with this huge grin on his face because he’s confident that the war is already won.  Don’t stare at each other too long.  Link arms or get back-to-back so you can make each other stronger before the next attack.
Then fight your way home to your true Hero.

thoughts from fabs

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I read this and I was reminded of a poem I wrote on October 14, 1998. This poem I wrote about my husband when he was still just my boyfriend 🙂

I feel myself falling
I feel myself letting go
I feel myself trusting in a way that I’ve never trusted before
I feel myself loving
I feel it deep in my soul
I feel my heart completed in a way that I’ve never known
I feel strong hands
I feel strong arms
I feel I now have a shoulder I can rely and lean on
I feel complete
I feel whole
I feel I have finally found what I’ve always searched for.

When I penned this little poem as a head-over-heels-in-love young girl I thought I knew what love was… but in truth… I had a lot to learn… and my God has been faithful to teach me. 

I can truly say that I still feel this same way about my husband today. However there have been moments when I have not always felt that way. Our marriage has been a roller coaster ride… but we were both thrill seekers when we met and I guess we just carried that adrenaline junkie mess right into our marriage somehow.  

We didn’t start out as friends either… we just… well started out. So it has taken a while to build the friendship area of our marriage… because I didn’t really make friends easy… I could make acquaintances all day but friends, that was a different story. Really letting someone in is scary.So our marriage has been a roller coaster ride of emotion at times… something I have chosen to call passion. My husband thinks that is quite funny. So he says that from now on whenever we have a “heated discussion” he is just going to look at me and say “it’s passion, baby” and well who could keep a straight face at that? I believe love comes with passion.

Not the Hollywood movie rated X (or pg-13 theses days) passion… but the suffering of Christ passion.
Love is about sacrifice… and suffering… and salvation.

My husband was used by God to bring me unto salvation. I have no doubt about that. Had I not have met this man and been swept off my feet by him… I cannot even imagine the depths of depravity I might have entered into. I was wide open to Satan himself because I was convinced God would never want me again.

One of my God’s steps in opening my eyes to His love for me was sending me this man.At the same time, had this man managed to be able to meet all my needs, and comfort me at all times, and never leave in me want, hungering from something deeper, and even more real… well I don’t think I would have responded to the calling of my Savior. I would have been comfortable in my temporary pleasures.As I was wrapped up in this man’s arms and resting in his strength and warmth about me last night, he had work early the next morning and was heading to bed early, and I still had rippin’ and rompin’ kids to get settled and in bed, but he said, “You know we had to be meant for each other because I still am not tired of holding you, You know sometimes you just get tired of being around people when you have been around them alot, but I am not tired of you.”

Yes, I still love this man.
No, life has not been perfect… but it’s been “passion” packed 🙂

When I look at him and think about our marriage I sit at the feet of my Christ in an utter amazement at the beauty He was able to make out of the mess of us.

Two messed up souls… doing things all wrong… but some how God’s grace poured out on us and His divine intervention came down in floods of mercy and we are choosing to trust Christ to keep it all running somehow.

We are far from perfect.
Our marriage is far from perfect.
But it truly gets sweeter and sweeter with each leap of faith of saying “I do” again one more day…

We do life together.
For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health…
We both carry our battle scars but we both have chosen to stay and stand and fight.
Remembering that we battle not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces of darkness.

This is my man.
The man of my dreams.
And each day He becomes more and more what I was always searching for because with each day he becomes more and more like my Jesus.

>Let the Fruit Be the Proof

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“Now it came about in those days,
when Moses had grown up,
that he went out to his brethren
and looked on their hard labors;
and he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew,
one of his brethren.” 
Exodus 2:11
In most of the storybook versions of Moses we are given the impression that Moses had no idea he was a Hebrew until much later in his life. Scripture, however seems to point to the fact that he always knew he was Hebrew.
In Exodus 2:7-10 we read that it was Jochebed who was hired by the Pharoah’s daughter to nurse Moses until he was of age to be weaned. In this day a child was not weaned until around the age of two or three. Anyone who has, or has just been around, a child at this age knows their amazing intelligence level. I have to believe that as Jochebed, this mother whose name meant Jehovah-glorified, nursed her son, she must have been whispering the promises of God to him.
I imagine she rocked him and told him of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob. I imagine she told him of Joseph and how he saved the world from famine because he trusted in Jehovah. I imagine that she told him about the covenant. I imagine she told him about circumcision, the seal and sign of that covenant. I bet she talked of the flaming torch and the smoking oven that passed between the pieces. I am sure she shared with Moses how Abraham took Isaac up to Mt Moriah and how God provided. I know she must have spoke of the day that Jacob became Israel.
So I believe that even if his heritage was never spoken of again once he was weaned and became the Pharoah’s daughter’s son, in his heart these truths remained.                                                               
Now we learn from Acts 7:23 that Moses was approaching the age of forty when it entered his heart to visit his brethren. Forty years is a long time to watch your people suffer. We learn in the book of Hebrews that this must have been the time when Moses finally understood that he needed to do something. 
By faith Moses, when he had grown up,
refused to be called the son of Pharoah’s daughter,
choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God
than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin,
considering the reproach of Christ
greater riches than the treasures of Egypt;
for he was looking to the reward.           
Hebrews 12:24-26
Moses had watched his people endure much suffering and when he witnessed up close and personal the abuse of one of his brethren he took matters in his own hands and killed the Egyptian. Moses appeared to think that his people would rejoice at what he had done, but they did not. They were not impressed by this man who had spent his life in the palace while they where slaves. “…Who made you a prince or a judge over us?…” (Exodus 2:14)
Little did this man who made this statement in Exodus 2:14 know that God Himself had made this man judge over him, and the entire nation of Israel. Jesus said in Luke 4:24 “…no prophet is welcome in his hometown.” Moses is just one of the examples of the truth of this statement.
Perhaps you have experienced it yourself. Perhaps the glorious truths of faith in Christ were taught to you when you were young and as you grew you were taken from these truths and consumed with other things. Perhaps the people around saw the way you lived just like them and they mock you when you come and share with them about the gospel of God.
Perhaps you lived many years in disobedience and rebellion to the God of your youth, and then one day God called you to salvation, to receive these truths by faith. He didn’t just call you to come home, but he called you to go out, to preach, to teach, to reach those who needed God’s salvation in Christ. Where do you first desire to go? Who does your heart first burn for to share eternity with?
Most likely you started with those closest to you, your parents, your children, your brothers and sisters. Maybe you felt like Moses. Maybe you have heard theses very words, “who made you a prince or judge over us?” come from the mouths of your brethren. Maybe your earthly father mocks you. Maybe your brothers and sisters get angry with you. Maybe your children refuse to listen now because they lived years under you in your unredeemed state and they bare the scars…  
Oh precious one, don’t give up. Walk in obedience to the calling of God. Remember those who walked before you, and walk on. Endure the mockings. Persevere through the anger. Show mercy, be quick to forgive, and speak always with grace. Let them see the fruit that proves that you are indeed new in Him.
Don’t try to take matters in your hand as Moses did. God will never bring deliverance or salvation through the works of our flesh, but only through the power of His might. It is His life and death that changes people, our life and death are just the evidence before men that it’s true. Don’t tamper with the evidence. Don’t let it be destroyed or discredited. Evidence is there to prove the truth, we never need to prove the evidence. We just simply let the evidence speak for itself.

Oh Father,
Help me to never give up. Help me Father to not turn and run when You have called me to stay, but also Father help me to be obedient when You have said it is time to step away. Let me remember that “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome,…” (2 Timothy 2:24). Yet also let me remember that You have not given me a spirit of timidity, but one of power, love, and discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). Help me to act in wisdom and not according to my emotions. Let me not allow the enemy of my soul to heap condemnation on me because of a rebellious past, but let me return this condemnation with the memory of my wondrous justification by faith in Christ. Let me remember and boldly share how I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, that I am born again, that I am being conformed to the image of my Savior. May I, for the glory of Christ and for the hope set before me, press on. May I press on through hurtful words, through difficult people and circumstances, through the stand of Satan himself, might I press on to the victory in Christ Jesus my Lord.
My Jesus, it’s in Your name I pray,
Amen

Names of God – Jehovah-rapha

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It’s time for another post in the Names of God series. We have done a little study on the names Elohim, El Elyon, El Roi, El ShaddaiEl OlamAdoniaJehovah, and Jehovah-jireh. And now we move onto a new name… Jehovah-rapha.

We are introduced to this name of God and discover its meaning in the book Exodus. To set our context the children of Israel have just been set free from Pharoah’s hold by the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob… and the God of Moses. We are introduced to this name, this attribute of God right after they have crossed the Red Sea.

Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea,
and they went out into the wilderness of Shur;
 and they went three days in the wilderness and found no water. 
When they came to Marah,
they could not drink the waters of Marah,
for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah. 
So the people grumbled at Moses, saying, “What shall we drink?” 
Then he cried out to the LORD,
and the LORD showed him a tree;
and he threw it into the waters, and the waters became sweet.
   There He made for them a statute and regulation,
and there He tested them. 
And He said,
“If you will give earnest heed to the voice of the LORD your God,
and do what is right in His sight,
and give ear to His commandments,
and keep all His statutes,
I will put none of the diseases on you
which I have put on the Egyptians;
for I, the LORD, am your healer.”
Exodus 15:22-26

Here God let the children of Israel know that “for I, the LORD, am your healer” or for I am Jehovah-rapha. He wanted them, and us, to know that He is the God who heals.

Now lets go back a little further and look at our context a little more.

The LORD was going before them
in a pillar of cloud by day to lead them on the way,
and in a pillar of fire by night to give them light,
that they might travel by day and by night. 
He did not take away the pillar of cloud by day,
nor the pillar of fire by night, from before the people.
Exodus 13:21-22

Here in this passage we discover that God himself was leading them. He led them in the day and He led them in the night. Never at any time did He remove the pillar of His leadership. If that is true then what also must be true?

Do you think that God just led the thirsty children of Israel to a spring that He thought would be good for drinking and then got there and was shocked that it was bitter and had to figure out what to do next to appease a bunch of grumbling and complaining kids?

Nope. God is God. Remember?

Therefore, He had to have led them to these bitter waters on purpose for a purpose.

He had a lesson to teach them. It was test time.

This is true with us as well. Sometimes God leads us to bitter waters. We may not like it, but it is true. But if we will submit to His will and trust Him in surrendered obedience, He will indeed make those bitter waters sweet.

Our God is Jehovah-rapha.

He is Healer.

Our God heals.

He heals our land.

and My people who are called by My name
humble themselves and pray and seek My face
and turn from their wicked ways,
then I will hear from heaven,
will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

He heals our sin.

and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross,
so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; f
or by His wounds you were healed. 
For you were continually straying like sheep,
but now you have returned to the Shepherd
and Guardian of your souls.
2 Peter 2:24-25

He heals our broken heart.

He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

He heals our diseases.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Psalm 103:2-3

As we look at God’s introduction to this name Jehovah-rapha we must take note of the instructions that came before He shared this name. We must remember the “if

If you will give earnest heed to the voice of the LORD your God,
and do what is right in His sight,
and give ear to His commandments,
and keep all His statutes,…

There was a prerequisite for experiencing God as Jehovah-rapha… and was obedience and submission to Him. That obedience includes confession of disobedience and repentance when God makes it known to us.

 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
Psalm 139:23-24

Many times before God will heal us we need to first take care of our sin. Sometimes that sin is simply to obey Him in His simple request to trust Him. Jesus commanded us not to worry. He beckons us to cast our burdens on Him. When we choose not to… we have stress. It is a proven medical fact that stress kills. Stress leads to depression. It leads to obesity. It leads to blood-pressure issues. It leads to countless other ailments. God would heal us of all these if we would trust Him with our problems and our anxieties and our regrets and our fears and our failures. If we would simply obey Him and surrender our will to His will.

God commands us to share our problems, our sin, with others. Holding onto unconfessed sins and unforgiveness can make us sick. Holding onto our struggles because we fear the shame of them being exposed can easily lead to death. God tells us to find someone, a fellow believer, to share these things with. we must expose the things hiding in the dark so that the Light of Christ can shine on them. A germ likes to grow in the dark, so does mold, all things that kill, steal, and destroy like the darkness. They like to hide. Let us bring them to the Light.

Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray.
Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. 
Is anyone among you sick?
Then he must call for the elders of the church
and they are to pray over him,
anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; 
and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick,
and the Lord will raise him up,
and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. 
Therefore, confess your sins to one another,
and pray for one another so that you may be healed.
The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
James 5:13-16

However, not all sickness is due to a personal sin. Jesus makes that very clear in His Word.

As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. 
And His disciples asked Him,
“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents,
that he would be born blind?” 
Jesus answered,
“It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents;
but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 9:1-3

I must share that the day that I shared about this beautiful name of God in our co-op chapel time I was sick. I mean flat-out could lose my pop-tart any minute sick. However the Lord sustained me through the chapel time and through my zoology class and through one daughter’s piano lessons and another daughter’s violin lessons and I didn’t lose my pop-tart until safe at home in the sanctuary of my own bathroom. So I am thankful that as I studied this name of God I was able to rest in the truth that not all sickness is due to personal sin… but in all honesty Psalm 139:23-24  is where I began my evaluation when I realized sickness had hit me.

If it was an attempt to get my attention to fix a division between me and my God then I wanted to seek that out. I want to know every wicked way that there is within me so that I can confess it before my God and lay it at the foot of my Saviors cross. I want to live a life of repentance not a life of regrets.

When God brings me to bitter waters and I am thirsty… I pray that instead of grumbling and complaining I will look at those bitter waters and ask my God what He is wanting to teach me. What lesson do I need to learn? How, my God, will you make these bitter waters sweet? I pray that I will look for the tree…  and always remember that my God is Jehovah-rapha, my God is Healer.

Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed;
Save me and I will be saved,
For You are my praise.
Jeremiah 17:14