Daily Archives: July 20, 2011

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries, Uncategorized

>God Knows Best

>This morning I dropped off my babies. Shelby is spending the day and night with a friend and my Bekah is headed to Louisiana with my wonderful in-laws to visit with our relatives down even further south. This is her first trip down and she is so excited. It is also her first trip away from Momma and Daddy… praying it goes well. She is the one child we have who is really attached to home. The other two will go as long as they are invited and as many times as we say yes.

So with my husband at work and my girls gone, it’s just been me and the dog. Who presently is snoring on the rug beside me. I had every intention of spending the day in this quiet house writing. I planned to work on Devotions From Exodus, planned to work on transfering the study I am writing on the book of Luke from my spiral notebook to the computer, and planned on working on the Judgment scene and the Hell scene script for our church’s fall drama the Judgment Seat.

That was my plan.

However, I believe God has had another plan for today. I think He just might know that I have not quite recovered enough from my past week and a half to attempt to step into the mind of Satan today and write this script. Yes, that will wait for tomorrow. So prayers are humbly requested for tomorrow.

The goal in writing these two scenes is in the Judgment scene to make sure those who witness it are left with a clear understanding that those who are being judged are receiving their judgment solely on their rejection of Christ and not for any particular sin they committed and also to share the good news of the gospel. In the Hell scene it is to clearly expose Satan and his lies and the way he worms them into our life and also somehow in the midst of this have Satan himself deliver the gospel one more time to those who are going through the drama. You also have to soak yourself into each of these characters lives as to accurately speak for them. Our youth minister forms the character and… well… I get to send them to hell. Yay me…lol.

So, anyway, God know best. My partner in, “Oh yeh, God we can do one more thing right.?!?.” has called and I am heading to her house to work on Homeschool Co-op stuff. A very important thing that must be done and taken care of and can be taken care of with some much needed sisters in Christ time.

So I won’t have to send anyone to hell today.
I’ll do that tomorrow 🙂

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Uncategorized

Thrown Under the Bus

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Have you ever had a moment when you felt like God just threw you under the bus?
I have those moments.
Sometimes I feel like I am never going to be enough.

It’s in those days, those moments, when I just want to curl up in a hole and go to sleep. It’s those moments when I can completely relate to those who have decided that life is just too much…

Suicide always hurts those who are left behind, but I will never be one who condemns the one who did it or be one who says I can’t believe they did that. I will not be one who says that they could not have been a Christian and took that step because I am fully aware of the weakness of my own flesh. I am fully aware of the weight of the condemnation and oppression of the enemy of my soul. I am fully aware that if I did not have this hope that is the anchor of my soul, this hope that is sure and steadfast and enters within the veil (Heb 6:19), in a moment of physical exhaustion, emotional havoc, and spiritual oppression, it could easily be me. The spirit is willing but the flesh is indeed weak (Matt 26:41).

I am a believer. I know that to live is Christ and to die is gain (Phil 1:21). I know that it is not I that live but Christ that lives in me and the life that I live, I live by faith in Him (Gal 2:20). I know all this. I believe all this. I also know how the burden of life can overwhelm me at times, even with this knowledge and with this Hope, therefore how could it not overwhelm someone who doesn’t have it, or even someone who doesn’t know how to live their faith because they have not been discipled?

I was overwhelmed yesterday. It began last week and when I thought it would be over it wasn’t. It just continued on. Carried over by the weakness of this flesh of mine. Weak in so many ways. Weak because it is physically off. An infection leading to an antibiotic that has not set well with my stomach leaving me nauseous since Saturday night. A constant dull headache due to hopefully just allergies. A tired flesh from not sleeping at night because of all the other issues. Then after going to the bathroom for the third time to apply rubbing alcohol to another sore blemish on my face, I am reminded that yes, it is also hell week.

You see I should have been ready.

Have I not been here a million plus times?

Yesterday, I actually ended up in the laundry room crying as I frustratedly swapped out the laundry and let God know how disappointed I was at Him because I felt like He was throwing me under the bus. You see my hurt, my frustration, had been rooted from comments that came as a result of failing at some things I am trying so hard to be better in. It’s not something I am ignoring, but something I am purposely trying to improve. I was angry, hurt, and upset at myself, at those that called me out, and yes– at God for not covering my failure and instead exposing it.

I hate messing up. It’s the perfectionist in me. It is indeed a curse, because I am not perfect, but I want to be, no actually, I am driven to be. Somehow in my emotional DNA perfection = pleasing, but that is not what God says. God says faith = pleasing.

 “And without faith it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God must believe that He is
and
that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.”
(Hebrews 11:6)

 

Yes, I was disappointed in God, and letting Him know it. It sounds absolutely ridiculous now, but at that time I felt completely justified in my complaint. The amazing thing is my God patiently listened. He did not strike me with a lightning bolt. He was just still and let me rant. By the end of the day God had reminded me of His love. He had calmed my personal storm.

This day’s moment reminded me of that song with the lyric that says, “please don’t fight these hands that are holding you”

Oh God, thank you for being mindful that I am but flesh.

“For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.”
(Psalm 103:14)