How blessed is he who considers the helpless;
The Lord will deliver him in a day of trouble.
Psalm 41:1
This is a serious question. One I hope to receive some answers on, because as a woman, I am at a loss. Why is ministry to men such a failure in the church?
Just a few weeks ago we were watching “Mom’s Night Out”and after Bones gives his profound speech at the police station, my ten year old daughter turns to me and says, “Momma why is it that boys that end up in gangs or in jail never had a Daddy?”
My ten year old daughter sees it… statistics state it… yet ministry to men and boys in the majority of our churches remains purely recreational… and please do not give me the excuse that women stay home and don’t have jobs and that’s why they have more time for ministry to one another. There are plenty of retired men in the church. Plenty of men with evenings and weekends off. Plenty of men with swing shift schedules. Plenty of pastors that don’t have to work outside the church through the week in order to pay their bills. Plenty.
Why is it that we can hear that a man’s wife, a man and a wife, a family that has been long standing members and attenders within a church, has come home and his wife has told him that she is leaving and all the other men in the church simply say, “Well that sucks. We’ll be praying for him.”
What happened to the days of leaders of the church calling the family in to talk to them, to DISCIPLE them, to try and save that marriage, that family, that home? Why does everyone leave the husband. The one who has just been punched in the gut and had his world jerked out from underneath his feet to pull his own self up.
Oh we might send an I’m-thinking-of-you card, or shoot them a text, maybe even leave a voicemail… but where are the men that show up on the doorstep and say “I am with you until you can stand again”?
What about when we see a man in our church, a father, struggling to just be a father because he never had one to show him how to do this father thing in godly way. Or maybe he has a child that is struggling with things he has never dealt with before. Where are the men who go to him, who INITIATE the opportunity to step in and say, “I see you’re struggling here. Let me help you. We’ll do this together”?
How is it that a man who is sick and fighting for his life or a man who is homebound because he can no longer see to drive or just simply no longer has the strength to get himself to church sits alone… every day… because no other man shows up to visit with him. Why is it that no man brings the FELLOWSHIP to him when he can’t get to the fellowship?
My husband is a supervisor at his place of employment. He takes his position serious. He takes his responsibility over his crew serious. He watches them as individuals, not just as a whole. He meets with each and every one at least once a year and sits down with them and goes over what he calls, “Do Wells and Do Betters”. He shows them where they have grown throughout the year and what they need to work on and then he holds them accountable. He offers them opportunities to advance and receive more training. Even going to training with them on his days off because he knows they will get paid for going even when he does not. He knows his crew. He knows their accomplishments as a whole and as individuals. And because he purposely does this, his crew feels safe and comfortable coming to him with their struggles, whether they be work related or not.
In our home he studies his children. He watches them and he takes his position as father serious. He can tell when they are struggling with something. He can tell when they are hiding something. He knows when they need coaching and he knows when they need discipline. He knows their accomplishments and he knows what they need to work on and he holds them accountable. He knows his children.
He doesn’t wait for the red carpet of invitation to be rolled out to him. His position is the invitation.
When we served as leaders together in the church for a group of college aged young men and women, he used the same principles for those we taught. He knew them as a group. He knew them each as individuals. He checked on them. He held them accountable. He didn’t wait for them to ask him. He just saw the need and met it. He felt the prompting of the Spirit and he made the call.
He has always been a shepherd who knows his sheep. All the flocks that have been given to him, he has personally and purposely invested in.
There are many ways that women can serve and lead in the ministries of the body of Christ, but there is one area that they simply will never be equipped to do and that is men’s ministry. They will never be able to teach boys how to be men. They will never be able to teach men how to teach other men how to teach boys to be men. They will never be able to just “pop-in” at a man’s house who for whatever reason cannot come to the church and spend hours with them ministering to them.
Where are the Pauls that ministered to the Timothys?
Where are the Barnabases that take the Marks under their wing?
Where are they?
Where are the doers of the Word?
Several Sunday’s ago our Pastor at Central Baptist Church shared about how he and our entire staff all have men, especially new believers, that they meet with once a week for at least six to seven weeks in order to disciple them in the faith. They do not just baptize them and send them out into the sea of the body. They, personally, as these men’s shepherds, take on the responsibility of making sure they receive a solid foundation in the Word of God.
I am so glad… so very glad that God does not wait for us to ask Him for His help… but He comes because we are helpless.
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly
Romans 5:6
What ministry to men is there in your church?
What works?
What has not?
If you are a man reading this what could your church do to help minister to you?
What keeps you from being a man who ministers to other men?