The writing and teachings of Nicole Love Halbrooks Vaughn 

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The Dating Game

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Let us remember that these last few days have been focused on equipping ourselves with some tools and answers for the icky questions for ourselves and others. Today we are going to look at the dating thing.

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Day Thirty-One

We live in a world that thinks you gotta try it before you buy it. A world where free samples are given out as an incentive to purchase the whole thing. A world where the newcomer receives all the perks and deals and the one that has been the faithful loyal customer is treated with contempt… and this is exactly how our world is viewing dating and marriage as well.

I am not a fan of dating. I don’t like it. I don’t think you need to “try” a lot of boys out before you decide if he’s “the one” and then you end up tied to the wrong one in the testing process while the right one walks on by and sweeps someone else off their feet while you cry in your pillow at night because you don’t know how to get out of this “trying out” one that you have just realized is going nowhere.

 

Let me share Shannon’s story from Dannah’s book-Shannon is in college. Dannah said she had a brightness in her eyes and a freedom in her spirit that set her apart from many of the other girls she had talked to. Shannon loves Jesus and she is a virgin. This decision has been costly for Shannon.

She sits alone in silence in class while those around her talk and laugh about what happened at last night’s party. She didn’t go and she chooses not to get involved in the conversation of those who did. Some of Shannon’s friends don’t understand why she doesn’t go, but Dannah shared how Shannon raised her chin a little and held her shoulders higher as she said, “… but I’ve never felt the desire to get into the party scene. And because of that, I feel I’m more in control of my life.” 

Dannah shares that Shannon is now studying art history abroad in Rome, having the time of her life. She is a contrast to many young women who are so worried about holding together a short-term relationship that they can’t even consider taking advantage of such opportunities. 

 

Like I said, I don’t like dating. I truly believe that God is capable of bringing your spouse to you right in the midst of you just being obedient to Him. Remember Rebekah and Isaac (Genesis 24). She was just out taking care of the sheep. Doing life. And God sends her Prince Charming to her. She didn’t have to go find him.

However, if you are going to date, I think you should date as friends.

Your relationship can really be tested as you get to know each other (not your bodies) and find out if you actually like each other and not the sex.

A dating or courtship relationship will tell you how well equipped a guy is to exercise the staying power of faithful love, both with you and with God.

 

Dannah shares another story about Kevin.

Kevin had fallen many times and learned his body was sometimes stronger than his spirit. He wanted to be known as a guy who protected girls, especially the girl he most loved. That meant he had to take even kissing off the table. It was too much for him. It created an override in his normally self-controlled character.

So, no kissing until “I do.”

The girl who would marry Kevin would know his past. His weakness. His hurt. And she’d share in it through self-restraint.

Dannah also shares about Lauren. Lauren was fifteen and a new Christian. You see her boyfriend had led her to Christ. Then he tried to lead her to bed. She said no and he broke up with her.

Then Lauren went to college.

Lauren ran into Kevin and Kevin shared his no kissing decision with Lauren and she laughed and said, “Good luck finding that girl!”

Kevin and Lauren had their first kiss before their family, and friends, and God at the altar, right after the preacher man said, “You may now kiss the bride”

May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine. 
“Your oils have a pleasing fragrance,
Your name is like purified oil;
Therefore the maidens love you. 
“Draw me after you and let us run together!
The king has brought me into his chambers.”

Song of Solomon 1:2-4

 

Are you crying?

I am!

As I write this I cry… this is what I want for my girls. This is what I want for my nieces and nephews.

Real love.

Real, true love.

Real, true, faithful love.

Staying love.

Love that is based on self-sacrifice not self-gratification. Love that is based on truth not emotion. Love that is faithful, true, and loyal not wishy-washy, false, and fickle.

My husband and I talk, and as we look back at our lives and our past, we wish we could go back and do things different. Oh how we wish we could, but we can’t. All we can do is forget what lies behind and press forward to what lies ahead.

Your challenge today is to do that. To press forward. God has not called us to live in the past, but He has called us to a future and a hope.

 For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD,

‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 

Jeremiah 29:11

Maybe you did it all wrong… maybe you are doing it all wrong. It is not to late to stop living in the past regrets and present failings.

Stop.

And be still and know that He is God. He does love you with real, true, faithful, staying love. Trust Him.

 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect,

but I press on so that I may lay hold of

that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 

Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet;

but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind

and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 

press on toward the goal for the prize

of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

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