I am sitting here before the computer screen debating on what the topic should be today. We are closing in on the last days of this Thirty-three Day Challenge. There is the porn issue, the masturbation issue, the how far is to far issue, but the fact is in all these “issues” the answer is the same… “yada” so I am just gonna hit on all three today.
The enemy of your soul will use all of the above issues to steer you as far away as possible from yada, from God’s design, from God’s best for your heart.
If Gods word for sex is yada and yada means to be deeply known and deeply respected… then this in itself answers these issues and in truth most of these issues are related to one another and if you deal with one you indadvertedly deal with another.
If we remember to live by love and not by law… if we remember that Christ is in us, and with us, and sees us… if we remember the reality of His presence… then these issues can become non-issues in our lives.
The porn issue:
Here’s the thing in a nut shell. Men like naked women. God presented Eve to Adam and when God did Eve was naked… and Adam liked it. However, Eve was Adam’s wife, not just “any” woman. Adam would care for Eve, would love Eve, would forsake all others for Eve, would walk with Eve, would talk with Eve, would hold Eve, would have children and raise a family with Eve… He would KNOW Eve. And Eve would know Adam and she would deeply respect him as a man and as her husband.
Can whatever you are viewing, or reading, or listening to, or fantasizing about, that brings you to sexual arousal deeply know you or respect you? Can you deeply know or deeply respect what you are viewing, reading, hearing, or fantasizing about? Do you feel deeply respected and deeply known when you are in the porn issue? Are you excited to call all your friends and tell them all about your porn issue? Ladies, do you deeply respect this unknown man that you are using to fulfill your own sexual and emotional desire?
The truth is it is hard to deeply respect a man who is involved with porn. Whether he is the man you are viewing or whether he is the man viewing it. If your husband is involved with porn and he sees no issue with it, and maybe even you have not had an issue with it… let me ask you to seriously think about the respect level in your marriage, for him and yourself, and how has it truly affected your ability to submit to him as the head of your household… even if this is something you view or have viewed together.
Many men and women think the porn issue will just go away when they get married… but marriage doesn’t fix sin. Only confession, crucifixion, and daily washing of the Word fixes sin. If porn is a part of your marriage then it needs addressed and confessed. It needs dealt with before it destroys you and your marriage. It drives a wedge between you and your spouse (or future spouse) and it drives a wedge between you and your Christ.
The masturbation issue:
Is this not usually a response to the above issue… not guarding your eyes, ears, and heart from things that sexually stimulate you. You are a sexual being. God gifted you with your sexuality so that you might desire and enjoy your spouse. Sex is designed by God to bring you into an exclusive relationship with your spouse. You can’t be in a relationship with yourself. Sex is not a solo sport. Masturbation can bring you release from sexual tension… but it leaves you empty and unfulfilled… and cold.
Please know that God is mindful of sexual tension. He created your body to deal with it. Yes, I am talking about the “wet dream”. However… you are not to go to bed purposely preparing your mind to go there because that brings you right back to the above porn issue.
If you struggle with this… tell someone. Do not let the shame you feel keep you from seeking help. God did not save you, and redeem you, for you to remain in darkness and shame, and seeking help keeps you accountable. Ladies, we need each other to hold our feet to the fire of holiness. Many men and women think, like the porn issue, that the masturbation issue will just go away when they get married… but once again, marriage doesn’t fix sin, only confession, crucifixion, and daily washing of the Word fixes sin.
(Here is a recent post that Dannah Gresh has written a recent post on how to satisfy your sexual desire in singleness. I am about to read and review her new book Pulling Back the Shades that deals more deeply with this topic.)
The how far is to far issue:
This issue has been discussed before in this challenge as we looked at living by love and not law. If you have to ask “is this too far” then it is. If you are asking just how much can I get away with…then you are asking the wrong question. You need to be asking how close do I get before I feel my emotions kick in and create a desire within me for more. If you have a desire to go further just from looking in his eyes… then my guess would be that kissing him is gonna get you in a lot of trouble.
I believe we can find the right answer to how far is to far in Scripture.
Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father,
to the younger men as brothers,
the older women as mothers,
and the younger women as sisters,
in all purity.
1 Timothy 5:1-2
So ladies… if you wouldn’t do it with your dad, if you wouldn’t do it with your brother, then you shouldn’t do it with him… because in Christ, until he wears the title husband, he wears the title of father or brother.
I am teaching my girls to save that first kiss for the man that will be their husband. I do not know as of yet if they will heed my teaching… I pray they will. I pray that they choose to wait on the boy that falls in love with their hearts… not their face.
So there is just a quick run down of these three “issues”. As we grow into women of emotional and sexual integrity these are issues we must address. We can’t pretend that they are not out there. If we want to raise our daughters to be women of emotional and sexual integrity then we can’t stick our heads in the sand and pretend that they will never face any of these issues… because they will.
Ladies, your challenge today is to continue to examine your hearts and see if any of these issues are a struggle that you need to bring before the throne of grace. Are they a struggle that you need to talk to someone about. And if you are a mom… these are issues you need to be able to talk about with your children. Do you need to do it now?
Then do it.
And do it with grace and truth.
Don’t do it with condemnation and hell fire and brimstone so that your child hides any future struggles with this out of fear and shame.
We live in a world where we walk in “religious” freedom. We or our children may never be faced with the struggle with whether or not we have to choose physical death over renouncing Christ, but the enemy of our souls has taken our world of freedom and used it to his advantage.
If he can’t cause us to face physical death, he will cause us to face emotional and mental death. Don’t think that one is worse than the other.
One is inside, one is out…
I would go so far too say that the dying on the inside is far worse… wouldn’t you.