Eating Confession

 

 

I have an eating confession.

I am sitting here at the computer after consuming a plate of pancakes and sausage at pretty much bed time. I enjoyed every bite… every bite that is except the last one. 

That last bite passed my lips and slid down my throat and landed in my stomach like a brick.

Then on top of that brick landed a pile of condemnation and whispers of “oh that was disgusting” 

and “I can’t believe you just ate that this late

and “wow, your jeans are already tighter” 

and “that’s really gonna help that swimsuit look” 

and “didn’t you just pay money to help you lose weight… well you just threw that money out the window with that plate

 

The real confession…

The first thought that passed through my mind in response to the whispers was to go to the bathroom and make myself throw it all back up. There was a day not that long ago when that is exactly what I would have done… that… or I would have taken some stuff to make it come out the other end.

I know the dangers of this, but even so, it is still my first thought on how to handle this ick that now sits in my body.

I knew I should have just had a glass of water, but I saw the pancakes and the sausage… and I did eat. So then my minds solution is to make what went down come back up.

Stupid flesh.

Obeying it only feels good in the moment… it never feels good when the moment has past. Then your own thoughts on how to fix the ick usually put you in an even ickier place… oh the endless cycle of condemnation that comes when you obey your fleshly desire. 

So how do I fix the ick…

Tonight I confess.

I repent of choosing to obey my flesh rather than what I know is beneficial for my mind, body, soul, and spirit.

I drink a glass of water.

I choose to not make matters worse by purging myself.

I begin anew tomorrow.

Yes, I am thirty-five years old and this thought process is still a struggle. But I have victory in and through my God… because tonight I will not make myself throw up nor take something before bed that will kick in when I wake up… I will just trust my God and His forgiveness and His grace and His mercy for they are new every morning.   

 

 

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