My Daddy Lives

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When my Daddy went home to be with the Lord just before midnight on Saturday, May 2nd I didn’t think I would ever be able to write again. He was the one who believed in me so much that he put his money where his mouth was.

One day when He was feeling so very bad and tired and just couldn’t get out of the bed, I sat down on the bed beside him and he looked me in the eyes and said “Nicole, God is using you. He is using your writing for His Kingdom. Don’t ever doubt that. You are doing exactly what He has called you to do.” 

When He would comment on my blog or tell me that he read a post, it really didn’t matter if any one else ever did. If I could be a blessing to my father, then it was enough and it was good. He believed in me. He has always believed in me. He has always been there for me and loved me through all things. What I write about him isn’t social media fantasy. It’s truth. Flat out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, truth.

These past few days that truth was validated as at least a thousand people came to pay respect to my Daddy and to be a testament to the life that he lived. My Daddy was such a good man. He was a good man that taught other men how to be a good man. His every day life was a sermon that he preached for the glory of God.

As David’s time to die drew near, he charged Solomon his son, saying, “I am going the way of all the earth. Be strong, therefore, and show yourself a man. Keep the charge of the Lord your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His ordinances, and His testimonies, according to what is written in the Law of Moses, that you may succeed in all that you do and wherever you turn…

1 Kings 2:1-3

As I awoke this morning, I for the first time since Monday, April 27th have felt His peace. As I have battled the what if’s and the why’s of the past many days the Lord reminded me that He alone held the keys to death and life (Revelation 1:18). He reminded me that Jesus was with my Daddy and my Daddy did not enter into His gates in fear or sadness or pain, but in great joy and glory.

As I sought a word from Him this morning He gave me Psalm 56:13

For You have delivered my soul from death,
Indeed my feet from stumbling,
So that I may walk before God
In the light of the living.

Today is May 6th or 5/6 the Lord met me at that address and then my heart was pricked as to the verse number of 13. Remembering that I had heard once that the number 13 was a “good” number in Hebrew I wondered exactly why and how… so I did a little research.

Judaism 101 sites that “the number 13 is not a bad number in Jewish tradition or numerology. Normally written as Yod-Gimel, 13 is the numerical value of the word ahava (love, Alef-Hei-Beit-Hei) and of echad (one, as in the daily prayer declaration, G-d is One!, Alef-Cheit-Dalet). Thirteen is the age of responsibility, when a boy becomes bar mitzvah. We call upon G-d’s mercy by reciting his Thirteen Attributes of Mercy, found in Exodus 34:6-7.

Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished…”

Exodus 34:6-7

Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David separates and explains these attributes:

(1) HaShem has compassion before man sins;

(2) HaShem has compassion after man has sinned (comp. R. H. 17b);

(3) “El,” mighty in compassion to give all creatures according to their need;

(4) “Rachum,” merciful, that mankind may not be distressed;

(5) “Chanun,” gracious if mankind is already in distress;

(6) “Erek appayim,” slow to anger;

(7) “Rab Chesed,” plenteous in mercy;

(8) “Emet,” truth;

(9) “Notzer Chesed laalafim,” keeping mercy unto thousands (comp. the explanation of Samuel b. Meir in “Daat Zeḳenim,” ad loc.);

(10)Nose ‘awon,” forgiving iniquity;

(11)Nose pesha’,” forgiving transgression;

(12)Nose Chata’ah,” forgiving sin;

(13) “Wenakeh,” and pardoning.

Rabbi Dr. Hillel ben David also shares that the meaning of the number thirteen is “the bonding of many into one”. The number thirteen is among the holiest of the numbers because it is closely associated with HaShem.

The Shema – שמע is recited twice a day, by observant Jews, to obey the Torah command as found in the Shema itself. The goal of the Shema is not just to declare that HaShem is one, but rather to declare that HaShem is one and there is nothing in existence besides Him. The world and everything around us, is just an extension of HaShem.

Not only does echad=13, but the Hebrew word ahava (love) also has a numerical value of thirteen, as expressed verbally in the Nazarean Codicil:

1 Yochanan (John) 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not HaShem; for HaShem is love.

Chazal teach that if two words have the same numeric value, then the essential meaning of the two words is the same. The above verse from the Nazarean Codicil gives us another very important relationship:

HaShem is Ahavah (Love)

Thus we learn that: 

HaShem is echad (one)

Echad (one) is ahavah (love)

HaShem is ahavah (love)

It follows, therefore, that we become one with HaShem, when we love Him and we love what He has created. Love means unification with the object of our love, and unification with HaShem means a unified heart in belief and devotion.

Thus we see that HaShem equals thirteen. Therefore the meaning of thirteen is the oneness and love of HaShem.

So, thirteen is another way of expressing the unity of HaShem.

Throughout the siddur (prayer book), and Jewish thought, thirteen is used to express HaShem and His oneness. 

As I ponder this new knowledge on the number thirteen and the meaning of this number and the fact that the Lord chose to give me peace through Psalm 56:13 this morning, my mind went also to Jesus’ prayer in John 17

The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world.

John 17:22-24

My Daddy loves the Lord. My Daddy loved his family. My Daddy loved others. Today he is one with his Creator and he will forevermore walk eternally in the land of the living. It was time for my Daddy to see the glory of His Lord.

I miss him. I will never not miss him, but I will see him again. He will be there to meet me when I get there.

During his life celebration I was comforted to hear the words of his friend and Pastor as he reminded us that even in glory my Dad is anticipating with us the the end of this age. I find comfort knowing that we still share this anticipation together. I don’t know why, but I do… and until that time I will keep trying to walk in the footsteps of my Lord and the footsteps of my Daddy and hopefully my life will also be a sermon that testifies to the gospel of Jesus Christ and to His glory so that the world might know that the Father sent Jesus to save all the whosoevers that will believe.

And I reckon I will keep writing too.

In closing… here’s my rendition of Psalm 56 in prayer for my Daddy:

Be gracious to me, O God, for cancer has trampled upon me;
Fighting all day long it oppresses me.
My cancer has trampled upon me all day long,
Many tumors fight proudly against me.
When I am afraid,
I will put my trust in You.
In God, whose word I praise,
In God I have put my trust;
I shall not be afraid.
What can cancer do to me?
All day long it distorts my words;
Its thoughts are against me for evil.
Cancer attacks, it lurks,
It steals my steps,
It has waited to take my life.
Because of wickedness, cast it forth,
In anger put down this cancer, O God!

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
This cancer will turn back in the day when I call;
This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
In the Lord, whose word I praise,
In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid.
What can cancer do to me?
Your vows are binding upon me, O God;
I will render thank offerings to You.
For You have delivered my soul from death,
Indeed my feet from stumbling,
So that I may walk before God
In the light of the living.