Monthly Archives: April 2014

Book Reviews, Children's Ministry, Proven Path Ministries

They Aren’t Babies Anymore

PPM-3.jpg

I remember the day I was laying in the hospital bed holding my newborn and then my two (almost three) year old walked in the hospital room. It hit me like a brick how big she was. I hadn’t even realized how grown up she was getting until I saw her that day in the context of my newborn. She wasn’t a baby anymore.

That is hard for a momma to swallow. However, whether I can swallow it or not the inevitable is going to happen… my babies were going to grow up. Physically their legs were going to grow longer, their hands and feet bigger, and their arms stronger. So now it was up to me and my husband to make sure that they also grew mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

The days of making excuses for bad behavior were well over. No longer could disobedience and disrespect be waved off with a well she’ just tired, she’s just hungry, she just doesn’t feel well, she doesn’t know better, etc. The time to teach that circumstances and the actions of others do not justify wrong doing and bad attitudes was here.

One of the biggest issues I see amongst kids today is the fact that many parents have never made much needed parenting shifts. Their children enter preschool, kindergarten, 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade and so on and their parents are still talking to them and making excuses for them like they were two years old. Do you have a clue how many sixteen year olds in our current culture have never even washed a load of clothes or attempted to cook anything more than a bag of microwave popcorn?

I have lost count of the times that I have been at the ball fields and have heard kids treating their parents like their own personal servants and the parents just jump at the kids beckon call. Then when the parent is slow moving in the kids command these kids have the audacity to talk demeaningly to their parents and their parents take it. I actually have begun to realize that they are so caught in the cycle of it, that they don’t even see it.

These parents have never made the parenting shift away from the newborn days when the kid cried and the parents feet hit the floor in urgency and went from diaper, to bottle, to nap, to thermometer trying to meet the needs of an infant.

Sadly we have preteens and teens and even college age kids who will become grown men and women who still have an infant mentality… if I cry and pout when you give me what I want then I’ll stop.

Appease me.

Make me happy.

Meet my needs.

Me. Me. Me.

The National Center for Biblical Parenting has tons of materials to help parents stop this cycle or if you are just now becoming parents, to never start it. They are running a special on one of their series now and it will run through the month of May.

Set of 5 Parenting Shifts Books by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller,  RN BSN

The Parenting Shifts Series gives specific parenting advice for each developmental stage. A team of experts, working together with Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN, have collaborated to bring you the best in a heart-based approach to parenting at any age. Wherever you are in your parenting journey these books will help you move forward with confidence and effectiveness. Get the set of five books to add to your parenting library so you’re ready for each new stage. These books make a great addition to your church library as well.

GPS-Books

Set Includes:

• The Baby Adventure (Birth to 12 Months)
• Toddlers on the Move (Ages 12-36 Months)
• Preschool Explorers (Ages 3-5 Years) 
• Elementary Foundations (Ages 5-8 Years)
• Cultivating Responsibility (Ages 9-12 Years) 

I am currently reading Cultivating Responsibility because my girls are 10 and 12. This book is really great. I have not read the other four but I have read enough of the NCBP material to know that whatever book you need to start with is going to be beneficial.

Here are the chapter titles of Cultivating Responsibility to give you an idea of what all is in this book.

cr chp first

 

cr chp last

As you can see from the titles of these chapters this is some good stuff! The chapters are short and manageable and each contains real life examples from real families.

As I have been reading through this book I have had to fight the urge to not repost the whole book on my FB page Proven Path Ministries. I will continue to post nuggets like:

“Remember that the success of a new venture is not the absence of mistakes. It’s how well you recover from them. Don’t hover. In fact, it might be best for you to walk away instead of nagging. You have to be willing to allow your child to learn from experience, and that usually means that you’ll end up helping by cleaning up the mess. If you are opposed to messes, then you may end up with weak kids who are afraid to take a risk.”

Excerpt From: Raudenbush, Julia. “Cultivating Responsibility.”

and like:

“Allowing kids to struggle can be helpful, but you’ll want to monitor the frustration level. The struggle is what teaches the character! When well-meaning parents constantly jump in to help, children cannot become independent problem solvers. Skills are developed by watching and doing, not just watching.

As you can see, problem solving involves several related skills and demonstrations of character. Children learn to think outside the box, look at the problem from various perspectives, and sometimes just dig in and do the work necessary to solve it. Learning takes place when kids are exposed to a process. Teachers often teach by setting goals, introducing skills, demonstrating, modeling, and practicing those skills, and then helping the child master them. 

Children demonstrate mastery of skills when they feel confident in what they are doing. This confidence comes from a sense of competency that’s best achieved through practice, and that usually requires work. So you, being the problem-solving coach for your child, can look for the roadblocks in your child’s thinking and provide new ways to attack the problems.

When children become problem solvers, they become the managers of their own lives. They command the respect of their peers and the recognition of their teachers. Parents move from disciplinarians and behavior managers to guides and mentors. This shift is important in establishing yourself as the go-to person for your child, especially as the teenage years approach. You want to act as a counselor or coach whenever possible.”

Excerpt From: Raudenbush, Julia. “Cultivating Responsibility.”

See.

Good stuff.

Parenting isn’t for sissies. This is a serious job with serious responsibility and can have serious consequences for us, our children, and yes our children’s children. It shouldn’t be taken lightly and it doesn’t have to be done by flying by the seat of our pants. It also doesn’t have to be trial an error.

That which has been is that which will be, And that which has been done is that which will be done. So there is nothing new under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 

Parents have been struggling at this raising kids thing since the beginning. Adam and Eve had issues with Cain and Able that ended in tragedy and Noah and his three sons dealt with stuff too. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Judah, Eli, David, and even Mary and Joseph… we have at our fingertips knowledge dealing with every parenting struggle under the sun. We just have to take the time to look past the circumstance into the heart issue behind it.

Moms and Dads we have a cloud of witnesses and a multitude of examples written and recorded for us.

My most favorite thing about the material at NCBP and I have shared it before, is that they teach us how to flesh out God’s Word in our parenting.  The Bible is not just for Sunday’s. It was never meant to be. It is a precious gift filled with examples and instructions for life here in this fallen world of ours.

Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.

1 Corinthians 10:11-12

If we think we don’t need THE Book to help us in this raising good godly kids thing… then I weep for us and I weep for our kids. If we are struggling with our kids and all we do is sit around in our mommy groups and compare whose kids is doing the best job of driving whoever crazy and yet we don’t take advantage of the plethora of information offered to us in this age of media overload… then shame on us.

Our kids tantrums might be funny at two and maybe even three, but when those tantrums become holes punched and kicked in our walls and doors or even physical and emotional and verbal abuse towards us and others… its not so funny anymore.

The fact that our twelve year old still expects us to fix their plate, fold their laundry, and clean their rooms isn’t quite so cute when they are now a thirty year old piled up in our living room playing an xbox expecting the same things.

We can’t wait until our kids are teenagers before we start expecting responsibility and maturity out of them. Teaching responsibility should begin the moment they have mobility. It should begin the moment they have strength to pick up and carry their own toys and sippy cup.

They are learning from the moment they enter this world… so parents let’s teach them.

**** On May 30th the Preschool Explorers book in the parenting shifts series will be available for free on Kindle at Amazon

 

Book Reviews, Children's Ministry, Proven Path Ministries

Why Don’t You Listen!

PPM-3.jpg

Then the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying, “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following Me and has not carried out My commands.” And Samuel was distressed and cried out to the Lord all night.

1 Samuel 15:10-11

How many times have you heard yourself ask your kids to listen to you… to pay attention… or have had to ask them multiple times to do the same thing?

Do you end up frustrated and even to the point of finally yelling? I am not sure that any parent has ever not allowed themselves to get to this point. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. There are things that you can do to change this.

As a matter of fact, it is imperative that you as the parent take purposeful steps to change this.

He who keeps the commandment keeps his soul,
But he who is careless of conduct will die.

Proverbs 19:16

We have to remember that our children’s ability to listen and to follow instructions could mean their very life. Children have to learn to listen.

If our children do not learn to listen to and follow our instructions they very well could end up like Saul and become grown men and women who ignore and refuse to follow God’s instructions. I don’t want my children to live their lives walking in rebellion to God and His word. So it’s our responsibility to show them how important it is to listen by teaching them to listen to us.

Our children should not be ignoring our instructions until we begin re-giving them in anger. I don’t want my kids to have to experience God’s wrath before they realize they were caught not obeying. I prefer to have them seek to obey and to have a responsible heart.

Here’s the thing mom and dad… the problem quite possibly is not our kids lack of ability to listen to instructions it very well could be our lack of ability to correctly give instructions. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach our children. It’s our privilege to coach them in life.

Have you ever received an item that had to be assembled or been given a task to accomplish or tried to drive to a location and the directions or instructions were insufficient or confusing? How did that make you feel? How did that help or hurt you to get where you were going or to do what you were being asked to do? Was the problem your ability to listen and follow or was the problem the way the instructions were given?

Last week I offered a free one hour audio lesson on teaching our children to listen and follow instructions from the National Center for Biblical Parenting in my blog post Raising Successful Kids. In case you missed it last week the audio is still available in that post and will be there for you to download and to share with others.

In this audio teaching  you will hear practical examples and be given parenting tools to enable you to teach your children to listen and follow instructions. Teaching your children to listen and follow instructions builds within your children a sense of responsibility and responsible children become responsible adults. Responsible adults become people of character and integrity who make a difference in the lives of others and in this world for the glory of Christ and the kingdom of God.

Mom. Dad. Allow God to teach you so that you can teach them.

Today I am offering another audio freebie. Today’s free gift is Parenting Teens and Dealing with Disrespect, Defiance, and Rebellion by Bob Boerman

Next month I will be sharing about a new parenting tool from NCBP that is focused solely on parenting teenagers so this audio will be a good start for those of us who are right there… because if you are there or have been there you already know it’s a whole new ballgame!

silly girls

******

Links to the other posts that contain free parenting tools audio downloads:

Raising Successful Kids

It’s a Sin to Bore People with the Bible

Teaching Spiritual Truths To Children

Resolving Conflict With Honor

 

Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

Really It’s Not You, It’s Me

PPM-3.jpg

I went through my stage as a young mother and young wife, when I didn’t think I was going to make it through this thing without a homicide charge.

I had a three year old who had just now started sleeping through the night, a newborn, a teenager, and a husband who worked twelve hour swing shifts. I would be up all night alone with the non sleepers, then waking them up at the crack of dawn to drive the teenager to school, and not be able to go to bed the next night because at 10:30pm the bus would just now be pulling back in from a basketball game and I would be dragging the toddler and newborn out to go pick up the teenager.

Those years were not always filled with good days… Did I mention I was completing a college degree during that time?

I feel like I was an emotional wreck most of the time. I remember being angry with my little ones because my heart was hurt because of something or someone else, but they caught the lashes. Their childish spills and moments of messiness would catch my overreactions due to my own built up anxiety.

I wish I could go back and do those years over again.

My youngest will be ten tomorrow. Ten. All my babies are in double digits. The years have flown by so very fast. Did I say that they have flown by fast. Because just in case I didn’t, they have. Fast.

What I learned almost too late… was that it was not them… it was me.

Young mother, young wife, what I desperately want you to know is that the problem is not your kids… the problem is you.

Work. On. You.

Any time you point your finger and blame someone or something else for your own actions… the problem is not them. The problem is you. Whether the emotions, hurt, frustrations, etc is valid or not… it might be very valid… but your reaction to that is on you. You are responsible for your own responses.

I learned to spend a lot of time on my face in the bathroom floor. I learned to apologize to my kids. I learned to sit down with my girls and tell them it was not them… it was indeed me. I learned to recognize the sin in my own heart… so that I didn’t spew my vile onto my kids.

Now listen… I still have my moments. Moments when it creeps up. I have not arrived by any means.

Last week we were having work men come over to do some repairs. They were going to be on their hands and knees in our bathrooms. So the bathrooms had to be clean. My husband and I see things a little differently sometimes (shocking I know). My plan was to wait to attack the floors after all the showers and hair blow drying had been done. So I was waiting…

Well my husband rolls out of bed and I hear him making commotion upstairs. I just assume he’s getting ready. He’s not. He’s cleaning the bathroom… and he’s now irritated because he thinks I ignored the job. So this leads to me getting irritated back.

I had planned to let the girls sleep to a certain time, but in my irritation at my husband I literally screamed up the stairs for the girls to get up an hour earlier than what I told them they could sleep to. They woke up scared to death.

To which my husband turns and says, don’t scream at them because you are mad at me. 

That quickly, the redheaded reaction momster reeled her ugly claws… yet my husband now quickly recognizing her, called me on it. So she was put to death pretty fast.

In our early years we were both too caught up in our own agenda’s to think clearly enough to diffuse a situation that quickly. We have come a long way.

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:21

That emotion that rises up from your gut… that makes your ears ring… your neck twitch… and puts that tingle in the back of your throat… that seems like it will only go away if you unleash it with a voice that sounds like it comes straight from the pits of hell… a voice that after you hear it with your own ears you ask yourself… was that me?

Yeh.

That.

Remember Romans 12:21. Memorize it. Begin quoting it in your mind and in your heart when that moment… that temptation arises… and don’t be overcome with evil… but overcome evil with good.

And what is good?

He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Ask yourself is your reaction just?

Is it kind?

Is it humble?

Is God with you in it or have you stepped out of the Light of His fellowship and are you now walking in the darkness? Is pride controlling you or is consideration for the heart and mind and soul of your family?

Just because you think you can validate your emotions by the circumstances surrounding them does not mean you should react according to them. Remember you are responsible for your own response.

Christ did not die on the cross, be buried in a tomb, arise from the dead, ascend to heaven to serve as your Advocate and High Priest, and send His Holy Spirit down to dwell within you for you to remain under the control of your sinful flesh.

He promised you more.

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.

Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be supplied to you.

2 Peter 1:2-11

Are theses qualities increasing in you? Or do you lack them? Are you still blind and short-sighted, trapped in the circumstantial moment?

Have you forgotten the purification from your former sins?

Oh precious one, heed the Scriptures, don’t just read them. Be all the more diligent to make certain about His choosing you.

He. Chose. You.

He chose you that grace and peace would be multiplied unto you. He doesn’t want you to lay down at night with regrets over the countless times you have lost it with your kids. He doesn’t want you to count the hours until school starts again and you can send them out the door. He wants you to be victorious. He wants you to be an overcomer. He wants you to love them with the love that He loves you.

Is it easy? No… there is a reason that diligence is mentioned twice in this passage… but as you grow in HIM… in these things… it gets easier.

I don’t know where you are in your parenting journey… maybe you are just beginning and you have the colicky 3 month old that has not slept through the night since they were born… perhaps you have the sixteen year old who thinks they know it all…  where ever you are don’t make surviving till bed time or graduation your parenting goal.

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

1 Timothy 1:5

Let your goal be to love your children with a pure heart, a good conscience, and in sincere faith that God is able to accomplish all that He has promised in you… and in them. Don’t just love your kids because you think you have to… learn to like them. Raise them to be people that you like and not relatives that you just tolerate.

And remember that it’s not them… it’s first you. It always begins with you. When you allow God to love you… to work in you… then you will begin to see your children through His eyes and love them through His heart. Remember the promise is that in your diligence to apply what you do know and what you do have… then what you do know and have will increase and if you are faithful to teach what you do know and do have to your children and help them to apply these with all diligence as well… and teach them that they too are responsible for their own response… then it’s quite probable that you will all grow together.

Audio/ Video Teaching, Book Reviews, Children's Ministry, Proven Path Ministries

Raising Successful Kids

PPM-3.jpg

How do you define success? When you look at your kids and you try to imagine their future… what do you see?

Last week, in my post It’s a Sin to Bore People with the Bible, I shared a little about teaching the Scriptures to our kids in a fun way, and I also shared a link to download another free audio teaching from the NCBP from their book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids. This audio teaching was based on raising successful kids by teaching them to be children of honor.

In this teaching you will be able to discern what you as a parent can do to teach honor in your home. It will also hopefully help you to look at your own life to see if you are a man or woman of honor. We as parents need to always ask ourselves, am I displaying the attitude and character that I expect to see in my children. We also need to ask ourselves, is the behavior I keep correcting in my kids merely their reflection of my own example.

We as adults might get frustrated with kids, but sadly it doesn’t take long too see that most kids are just doing what they have not been taught… but caught.

It has only taken two years of children’s ministry to learn this.

I have lost count of the times that I have walked into my children’s kitchen to find that someone has used the dryer or washer and instead of folding the items in there… they dump and pile them up on the counter. Instead of washing and putting away the dishes used, dishes are left dirty in the sink. Instead of returning the stapler borrowed… it’s never seen again. Instead of putting the supplies back where they got them, supplies are left thrown in the floor. Instead of throwing away the empty box, it’s left in the pantry or the fridge. Instead of throwing away something that is broken it’s left sitting out for someone to grab thinking it works and it’s not replaced because no one knows it needs to be. Instead of staying and helping clean up an event mess… it’s left for someone else to do… someone who will do it alone.

house rules

 

So if you are struggling with your children honoring you and honoring others… are they seeing you honor others? How do they see you treat your spouse? How do they see you treat the person checking you out at the department store? How do they see you treat the waiter at the restaurant? How do they see you treat your parents? How do they see you treat them?

 If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. 

John 13:14-15

I wrote a post several years ago, Honor Follows Honor, as I was reading through the Pursuit of God by AW Tozer. How we honor others and how we honor God will be reflected in our children and in the legacy we leave behind us. Are your children following in the footsteps of honor?

footsteps 1

footsteps 2

foosteps 3

footsteps 4

I took these photos several years ago as we were walking down the beach. My husband was walking in front and he had no clue that as he walked our youngest was trying to step her steps in his exact footprints. It so represented the truth of parenting and a father’s role in a child’s life that I had to capture it. If your children were to follow in your exact footprints where would they end up?

Would they become men and women of honor?

You can still get the one hour audio teaching on honor with practical real life examples on how to teach it in your home right here on my website. Just scroll down to the bottom of my last week’s post to Get Honor Audio Teaching.

As you listen to this teaching on honor you will catch some great little nuggets like these:

Just because you have a desire to lecture doesn’t mean your child has a desire to listen… Look for teachable moments. 
~ Scott Turansky

Whining and complaining is a kids way of trying to manipulate their parents into doing what they want.
~ Joanne Miller

Like I said those are just a couple of nuggets… there is a whole hour of some great practical parenting tools in there. Take advantage of these free offers!

Now today’s free audio download is from the book Parenting is Heart Work which is actually on special right now through the NCBP if you would like to go ahead and purchase the book. The free audio teaching I am offering today is on teaching your kids to listen to and follow instruction.

To get the free audio teaching just click here: Teaching Kids to Listen and Follow Instructions

Proven Path Ministries

Comfortable with the Cross

PPM-3.jpg

 

Sometimes I struggle with christendom… A few days ago I was driving with my girls and on the radio the announcer shared that she often found herself comfortable with the cross. I had to shake my head and wonder on that one.

For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.

1 Corinthians 1:17 

You see to me, to become comfortable with the cross is to become comfortable with sin. To become comfortable with the cross is to become complacent with your own life. I am reminded daily that I have far from arrived… and with every reminder I find myself clinging to the cross… not propped up against. It’s not my comfort zone, it’s my cling zone.

I see the cross all around me.

I see the cross when I hear people use His name in vain.

I see the cross when I hear a parent allow a child to treat them with disrespect and watch parents cave to the whims of their kids.

I see the cross when I see someone dirty and disheveled standing on the side of the road holding a cardboard sign.

I see the cross when I hear the latest political rants and schemes of particular interest groups as they fight for power, control, and money with and for votes.

I see the cross when I see the latest meth busts scroll across my newsfeed and there before me are the eyes of desperation drowning in their own darkness.

I see the cross when the famous professing christian boasts in self-esteem and positive thinking rather than the cross.

But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 

Galatians 6:14

I see the cross when I drive over the causeway on warm Sunday mornings and see boat after boat on the river or drive by the softball fields to see them full.

I see the cross when I notice people scrolling through their phones and texting and giggling during the proclamation of the Scriptures.

For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping,that they are enemies of the cross of Christ

Philippians 3:18

I see the cross when I pass that billboard that advertises filth and degradation and preys on lonely tired minds and unsettled souls in order to fatten a wallet by emptying those of others.

I see the cross in every marriage that falls apart.

I see the cross in every death.

I see the cross everywhere.

I see the cross in every birth of new life.

I see the cross in every marriage where two people come together to be united as one in covenant standing there before God and family and friends.

I see the cross in every awaken and freed soul who discovers that the only way loneliness is ever truly defeated is by the grace of God and the indwelling of His ever present Holy Spirit and for the first time in a long time is washed clean by the water of the Word and takes a deep breath and inhales the beauty of the purity of devotion to Christ.

I see the cross in the mesmerized face of a child or the lightbulb filled eyes of a believer who sits before the teaching of the Word of God and has a moment when something that has been a mystery for them all their life is revealed to them by God Himself.

I see the cross in the frazzled faces of every young parent who has just fought Satan himself to get the baby, the toddler, and the teenager out of bed, dressed, and ready for church.

I see the cross in the eyes of every former addict that once held darkness and despair but now glows with the Light filled new Life of Christ… renewed, strong, ready to finally face themselves and whatever demons they need to fight that once held them captive in the bondage of addiction.

I see the cross in the determined voter who stands at the polls ready to fight for what is right in every way that they know how… and through love, mercy, and the willingness to look past the smokescreen of selfishness to discover truth because they refuse to be bought by man because they know the price that Christ already paid for them.

I see the cross in every hand that goes out the window to hand that person on the side of the road whatever loose change they might have… refusing to contemplate what that person might do or not do with the money given… but simply giving it because someone asked.

I see the cross in every parent that kneels down to look their child in the eye and not roll their eyes at them but tell them that they love them too much too allow them to treat them with such dishonor and consequences and repercussions are coming… because a father who loves his son disciplines him.

I see the cross with every whisper of His name spoken in holy reverence and adoration and deep affection… knowing that their is no other name given to man by which we can be saved.

How can we become comfortable with the cross?

and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.

1 Peter 2:24 

If your life has become so comfortable that you are comfortable with the cross… let this week be a reminder of what happened on that cross… and for who it happened for.

You.

Don’t let the cross become mundane… and for the love of His glory don’t allow yourself to belittle it for the sake of relevance.

For some reason it seems that many today want to help people be comfortable in their mess… like a pig in the mire… but the cross of Christ was not meant to make us comfortable. There is nothing comfortable about it.

The cross is not meant to call us to comfort, but to call us to cling.

You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.

Deuteronomy 13:4

He carried His cross for us… and He asks that we carry ours for Him. As we carry it we discover for ourselves with great reality that there is nothing comfortable about it…

 And He was saying to them all, if anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. 

Luke 9:23

Autism Awareness, Children's Ministry, Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

April’s Autism Awareness: Alex’s Brutal Honesty

PPM-3.jpg

One more today for April’s Autism Awareness. Today Andrea will be sharing with us about Alex’s Brutal Honesty…

Autism Awareness Month: Alex’s Brutal Honesty

alex honest

If you know a person with Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, then you most likely know that they are often very honest, brutally honest. They often are only interested in telling the truth in a situation no matter how it affects people’s feelings. I am not trying to lump everyone with Autism into this category, but Alex definitely fits in with those who are like this. 

In the past, Alex will typically tell me the truth about anything I ask him. If I ask him if he spilled something on the floor or messed something up, he will answer, “yes” (if he did it). If he didn’t do it, he will throw Annika or Lincoln under the bus in a heartbeat. However, there have been times lately where he does lie to us.

For example, Alex does a lot of oral stimming (I will discuss this in another post).

He likes to chew on zippers a lot, and you will often find him chewing on his jacket – he seems to like to do this on the bus. He will get off the bus, and half of his jacket will be soaking wet. We get up to the house, and I will ask him if he chewed on his jacket. He will typically answer, “No”. I then make him look me in the eye, and I ask him again, and he will then tell the truth. So, I guess he is starting to learn things from his brother and sister .

alex honest 2

 

I have to admit that we do sometimes get excited when he does tell a small lie – I guess it makes us feel like he is doing something that “typical” children often do.

Alex is typically very honest with his answers to questions and things he tells you. At times, I have to admit that his brutal honesty has been embarrassing. Alex loves to be the person to push the buttons when we get in elevators. When we are at the hospital, the elevators are typically busy, and there are often people in them when we get in. I try to explain to Alex that he can’t push around people to get to the buttons (he doesn’t understand a person’s personal space or social etiquette). He will look at the people and scream, “I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE!!! Why do they have to be in here and push the buttons?”. Thank goodness a lot of times people can’t understand what he is saying because he is yelling so fast and loud .

There have also been a couple of times in church where we tell him it is time to go in front of the church for Children’s Church, and he slams down his iPad, screams “I don’t like church! Why do we have to come to church?” as he walks up the aisle and hits the back of seats when he comes to them.

Yes, we sometimes want to crawl into a hole …

I have also learned that Alex can tell when people honestly care about him and really want to be his true friend. But, I will talk more about this in a later post.

alex honest 1

 

To be continued…..

Autism Awareness, Children's Ministry, Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

April’s Autism Awareness (Alex’s Obsessions)

PPM-3.jpg

We are still in the midst of April’s Autism Awareness. Today Andrea’s shares about Alex’s obsessions…

Autism Awareness Month: Alex’s Obsessions

If you know a child with Autism, you have probably noticed that they often get fixated on certain items. To kids with autism, these objects are familiar and predictable. They often help them in dealing with anxiety or get them calm in an environment that is uncomfortable to them.

Alex has had several different fixations/obsessions over the years. At one point, he was obsessed with salt shakers. When I would leave the room to change Annika’s diaper or something, he would scoot a chair over to the cabinet. He would then crawl on top of the countertop, grab for the shaker, and pour as much as he could out before I got to him. “Salt” would be the first thing he said when he came downstairs in the morning.

Alex also went through a stage where he was obsessed with balls. It didn’t matter what kind of ball, what shape, etc. He just loved balls. I can’t tell you how many balls we owned. He would sleep with them all over his bed. 

Then, his next obsession was lawn mowers. He would sit and talk to them and play with them for hours. He would go back and forth in the yard mowing with them. We always joked that he would be a landscaper when he grew up.

Alex Obsess

 

I think we counted we had around 16 or so between our house and my parents’ house. He still likes them, but we have been able to get rid of most of them. When he was in the hospital for his cancer treatments, he would have to sleep with one most nights!

Alex Obsess 2

The latest obsession which has lasted quite a while is balloons and inflatables. He really became obsessed with balloons while he was in the hospital. This may have been his way of coping with all of his treatments – I am not sure.

Alex Obsess 1

 

I just know that no matter what his little body was going through, a balloon made him very happy, and he would sleep with it and talk to it. He loves inflatables which range from bounce houses to pool rings and floats.

Alex Obsess 3

I can’t even begin to think of how many beach balls, swim rings, inflatable seahorses, etc. that we own. When he isn’t blowing one up, he is looking them up on his iPad and doing screen shots of them. He knows the manufacturer and model of each ring, float, etc.

Alex Obsess 4
For a while, we struggled thinking we should move him away from these little obsessions, but we realize they are his calming mechanism. I think his surroundings often over stimulate him or confuse him, and this is his comfort. So, we go along with it.

If you see us at the ball field, you will most likely see Alex with one of his inflatables. I apologize if you get knocked over by it or hit in the head . We get odd looks when we go places with these things, but so be it. When I asked Alex what he wants for his birthday this month, he listed various inflatables. It makes him happy, and in the end, that is what we want for all of our kids.

 

Book Reviews, Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

Let’s Get Honest

PPM-3.jpg

No one sues righteously and no one pleads honestly. They trust in confusion and speak lies; They conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity.

Isaiah 59:4

 

I am finishing up Dannah Gresh and Dr Juli Slattery’s book Pulling Back the Shades. I must say that I was very much pleased with the frankness and authenticity of these two women. I also greatly appreciated their willingness to discuss issues that many women cannot even say out loud… even if it is something that is a personal struggle.

As I shared in my last post, Warning: Married Sex Post, this book focuses on the longings of a woman’s heart as well as the longings of her body. God created us as sexual beings. Those longings are there whether we like it or not. You don’t have to read erotica, observe porn, or be sexually active in any way to experience the sexual desires of your body.

I have seen that many times in the church the answer to today’s over-sexualized culture is to under-sexualize the church. Often we find that the church either just screams “NO” loud and long or grabs the duct tape to ensure the silence or tries to side-step any discussion with an… uh what did you say… I didn’t catch that?

Sexual desire was created by God… how about we take it back for His glory. Just because this present world ruled by the demonic forces of evil takes God’s good things and twists and perverts them doesn’t mean we as the church are to hang our heads and walk away from them and decide that they belong to the enemy now.

Let’s take it back.

Let’s be honest. Let’s get honest with ourselves and with our spouses and with others. Let’s get honest and let’s get real… and let’s ask out loud our questions.

Another thing I love about this book is how it addresses the single lady and how she can handle her body’s sexual desires in a way that honors God and leaves her without guilt and shame or reaching to things outside of God’s will to deal with them.

This book is helpful for the singles and it’s helpful for the marrieds.

I used to struggle with what was “okay” sexually between me and my husband. Having had come into this whole sex thing in a very unhealthy way… I didn’t know what a healthy biblical sex life was supposed to look like. If you begin to read up on this you can find tons of different opinions on the matter… but as I was listening to my own pastor do a radio show one morning he shocked the radio host with his opinion on this subject.

In my mind I could see the jaw drop of the man through the radio. When the radio host asked my Southern Baptist pastor what his view of sex was, he shared what the Bible says concerning fornication and homosexuality, etc… but when it came to husband and wife all he had to say was Have at it!

Hebrews 13:4 says the marriage bed is undefiled. What a husband and wife choose to do in their marriage bed is undefiled.

Undefiled.

Do you hear me wife? Un-de-filed. Don’t allow the rigidness of religion to destroy the passion in your undefiled bed. Got it.

If not, get this book and read it… you’ll get it 😉

For the faint of heart let me warn you this book doesn’t skirt around issues and it deals head on with lies that are found in our world today. If you don’t have a clue what BDSM is then let me give you the meaning of the acronym: Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism. In this book Dr Slattery and Mrs Gresh spend an entire chapter breaking down this acronym and the dangers of it. The reading can get gruff… but it’s truth.

Now just in case you are reading this post and you are one of the many women who has read the best seller Fifty Shades of Grey let me be so bold as to tell you that you need to read this book. If you are one of the many moms that I heard passed this book on to your preteen and teen daughters to read after you… for the love of Christ it is imperative that you read Pulling Back the Shades! 

I have to believe that the only reason you would pass Fifty Shades on to your daughter would have to be because you were blinded by the enemy or deceived or desensitized by the things and ways of this world… regardless of the why… if you did… you have major damage control you need to address NOW.

As I said in my earlier post, I haven’t read the book… but what Dr Juli Slattery shared from its content made me physically sick when I thought of the kids and women that I knew had read it. So many lies… so many slinky seductive lies woven among its pages. It makes me angry. So very angry.

On the practical review side for this book. It’s an easy read. The chapters are short and manageable. It also has a section in the back that would allow you to easily use this book with a group. It would be great for a small women’s group.

***********************************

pulling back shades

 

 

Children's Ministry, Confessions of a Christian Wife, Proven Path Ministries

It’s A Sin To Bore People With The Bible

PPM-3.jpg

Do your children enjoy Bible study? Do they enjoy the teachings of Scriptures in your home? Do you teach them the Scriptures at home?

Does Deuteronomy 6:4-9 terrify you and heap loads of guilt upon your shoulders?

Let me assure that it does not have to. The Bible is full of amazing and fun truths. It doesn’t have to be taught through boring monotone dry teaching… nor does it have to be taught through red faced emotional pounding. The Bible is alive. It should be taught with life.

The Scriptures are relevant for life… for us and for our children.

I will never forget the time that I was sitting at my co-op office desk and my then four year old nephew was sitting in front of me eating his lunch and was telling me something he watched in a cartoon and what he shared with me reminded me of the true story of David and Goliath so I began telling him the true story from the Scriptures.

By the time I got through his eyes were big as saucers and he said, “Nay-Nay that’s a true story?” And I said, “Yes sir, it sure is!” And he was like, “Whoa!”

As I listened to the Teaching Spiritual Truths audio from the National Center for Biblical Parenting I heard Scott Turansky share a saying of his father, “It’s a sin to bore people with the Bible“. I never want anyone to walk away from my teachings of the Scriptures and say that the Bible is boring… especially my own children.

If you find it boring or are afraid that you don’t know how to teach it to your kids in a fun and interesting way… please listen to this teaching that is available for you for FREE! It’s one hour of your time… and it could make an eternal difference in your heart and in the heart of your children or others children if you teach. You can find the spiritual truths download in this blog post: Teaching Spiritual Truths To Children

Not just that, but today I have another free download for you. This week I am offering another audio teaching from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids. The first audio that I offered was focused on resolving sibling conflict and it touched a little on honor, but this audio is focused on honor.

teach honor

 

To download this audio teaching just click here: Honor, the Secret Ingredient for Family Life

Please don’t pass up these opportunities to download these teaching and parenting tools. Trust me they are well worth your time.

 

 

Proven Path Ministries

Never

PPM-3.jpg

Today I will be teaching the kids in my children’s ministry Romans 12:9-21. I believe this is one of the most life applicable passages of Scripture within the Bible. In our modern western world of christendom many of us just want to life apply the “my God will supply all my needs” but passages like this one here in Romans… ummmmm not so much.

I just did a quick word search on the word never in Scripture. If my quick search proved accurate, then right here in Romans 12 is the only time in Scripture when we are commanded to never do something. Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of “do not” commands. There are lots of responses to wrong theology with a “May it never be!“.

But as for a command that pertains for life application… for one on one real life living in a fallen world with fallen people… we have here in Romans 12 two very powerful nevers.

The first:

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. 

Respect what is right in the sight of all men.

Romans 12:17

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone.

Never.

Not one.

The word evil here in the Greek is kakos and it means evil, bad, in the widest sense. Which means there is absolutely no room for a “but they…”

God says never apodidómi or pay back, return, give back, or render as due evil for evil to anyone. 

Did you get that? Render as due…  Even if you think it is due them… God says never. He then tells us what we are to do… that’s one of the wonderful things about our God and His word… He doesn’t just tell us what not to do. He also tells us what to do instead. This is a lesson we as parents need to remember to apply to our own children. God doesn’t leave us hanging on a never or don’t, He places underneath our feet a firm foundation of action to walk in and on.

Respect what is right in the sight of all men. This word respect is pronoeó and it means take thought for beforehand, provide for, practice, showing necessary forethought to act properly (in God’s will).

The phrase what is right is kalos and it means beautiful, as an outward sign of the inward good, noble, honorable character; good, worthy, honorable, noble, and seen to be so, attractively good; good that inspires (motivates) others to embrace what is lovely (beautiful, praiseworthy); i.e. well done so as to be winsome (appealing).

And now here is the kicker… the word all.

The word all in this verse is pas and it means all, the whole, every kind of.

Every. Kind. Of.

Are you picking up what God is putting down?

Even if someone has done evil to you. Even if someone is doing and giving evil toward you in the widest sense of the word… don’t give it back… even if they deserve it… do not return it. Instead take careful consideration of what this person finds good, honorable, noble… and respond to them properly… no matter who they are or what they have done.

This brings us to our next never…

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Romans 12:19:20

For when He was persecuted He blessed.

When He was reviled He respected.

When He was mocked He mourned.

When He was hurt He healed.

When He was cursed He comforted.

When He was hated He loved…

Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13:8