My husband scrolled through my newsfeed yesterday and laughed and commented that people must be wondering about my mental state because my posts are all over the place, I am in wildernesses, climbing mountains, starting over, and all kind of mess. As he said this I thought to myself, well if you think my posts are all over the place you should try taking a look at the stuff that is actually scrolling through this head of mine. The newsfeed ain’t nothin’ compared to the full fledge real thing.
I never claimed to be sane… ever.
As I walk through my wilderness and I continue to seek the face of my Heavenly Father I am amazed at His grace for me. I am also overwhelmed at how He is slowly revealing the things that got me here so that I can name it, process it, deal with it, delete it, and move on.
Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
The simple truth is that Satan has been watching me for a while and he knows what works to blind me, confuse me, and hurt me. He knows how to get me to that place of inward turning and churning. The worst part about it is the way you can somewhat sense it is him, but at the same time the way in which he works his cloud of chaos can so get us off balance that we can’t see clearly for just trying to see anything at all.
As I work through my Priscilla Shirer study and my David Jeremiah study and continue to dig into the book of John the Lord is helping me find my footing once again. He is stilling the the rocking and nerve wracking and bringing clarity to my confusion.
He has reminded me of the weaknesses that once again Satan has been able to use to trip me up and has given me once again a lesson in sword sharpening. Once again feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and my desire to people-please has led me straight into the chains of discouragement.
As I have been digging into the book of Nehemiah the Lord opened my eyes to where the d-darts of the devil began to shoot and when my defenses had finally been worn down to the point that his fiery arrows were able to find their mark.
Thus in Judah it was said, “The strength of the burden bearers is failing, yet there is much rubbish; and we ourselves are unable to rebuild the wall.”
I am a task oriented person, and a perfectionist, and a forward thinker. Things must be moving forward. Accomplishments must be being made. Lasting accomplishments. I must be able to walk back in and breathe and say, ahhhh it’s done. Things must be done right, when asked, or really just forget it and I’ll do it myself. I don’t handle ruts, traffic jams, or inconsideration well at all. I ask very little of others and when that very little gets ignored I lose trust and faith in that person and will not ask anything of them again.
Thus the fiery darts of inadequacy, guilt, and people-pleasing work wonderfully to lead me into discouragement and I find myself unable to see anything but the rubbish before me and after trying to remove it alone for so long my strength fails and I realize I cannot do it… inadequacy hits, guilt from inadequacy hits, and the realization that I must not be pleasing the people or they would help, encourage, listen, care, etc… hits. The arrow of discouragement hits its mark and I am now closely walking on the edge of despair… therefore emergency shut down begins.
I went into emergency shut down… When we find ourselves in ESD the only thing that can open us up is the Word of God. In case of emergency… dial 119!
Psalm 119 that is. Go straight to the Word.
Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.
I have realized that discouragement can disguise itself and it can slowly creep in on you… it begins with disappointments. We can get through a little disappointment… usually.
Disappointment can be like a tree limb that has fallen across your path or a stone that has rolled off the side of the mountain and fell in your way. One tree limb and one stone at a time can easily be maneuvered around, or through, or even moved, but when that limb becomes a whole tree or that one stone becomes a landslide… then disappointment becomes discouragement.
Disappointments are going to come. We can do nothing about it. Jesus never held any punches with us that tribulation WILL come.
In the world you have tribulation…
~ Jesus (John 16:33)
However, what I love about Jesus’ point blank in our face, hey honey tribulation is comin’ is that He nestles this fact right in between two other very important promises…
These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.
There it is. Tribulation. Tucked right in between peace and courage. When we find ourselves in the midst of disappointments, smack dab in the muck of tribulation… it’s time to look back to our Peace.
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
As we look back at our Peace… then even in the midst of our tribulation we can then look forward to courage… remembering that He has overcome the world! We have hope… and hope DOES NOT disappoint.
Here’s a message by Charles Stanley, Overcoming Discouragement
An just in case the fiery darts that hit you and wound are the same as the one’s that easily wound me, those of inadequacy, guilt, and people-pleasing. Here are some verses to memorize so that you can place a healing balm on those wounds…
Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
(2 Corinthians 3:5-6)
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;
but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts.
(1 Thessalonians 2:4)